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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Has anyone given birth alone?

20 replies

Lizzie4 · 25/09/2006 15:24

It's not as awful as it sounds.... I'm already a Mum and have a 3 yr old DD. The problem is that we live hours away from any family or close friends and I'm getting concerned that in 6 wks when my baby is due, it'll happen in the middle of the night and I'll end up in a taxi on my own going to the Hospital. My DH is reassuring and tells me it'll be okay and that he's fine with staying behind if need be, but I'd really like him there to hold my hand! We've decided against a home delivery for various reasons and daytime would be fine too as my DD attends a local nursery which can be flexible.

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nailpolish · 25/09/2006 15:30

lizzie - i was in this situation with dd2

DONT worry. unless you have an unusual labour, itll be hours from when the contractions start to when you actually have to go in, and deliver your baby

is it possible that you could phone someone when your contractions start, and they could come and collect dd?

i remember calling my mother, telling her my contractions had started, she said she could be there in 4 hrs to collect dd1 (i had to keep my cool, not panic, 4 hrs sounded like ages!) but i didnt have dd2 til 12 hrs later

or have you a good neighbour? dh could stay with dd til the very last minute, ie the hospital could call dh when they think you dont have very long at all and dd could stay with a neighbour (or the neighbour could sit in your house if its nighttime)

its very very difficult but these things usually have a way of working themselves out

and you wont be in hospital for as long since its your 2nd baby, but dont rush home, have a good rest first

good luck! x

CarolinaMoon · 25/09/2006 15:30

What does your midwife think about it?

I wonder if it's possible to get her to come out to accompany you?

Or wait a little longer than normal and phone an ambulance??

I really don't think it's a great idea to give birth in a taxi with only the driver for company.

nailpolish · 25/09/2006 15:32

if you do have to go to hospital in the middle of the night, if it were me, i would want dh to take me, and i would wake a 3 yr old dd to get in the car if there was no nice neighbour to sit in the house

im sure a 3yr old dd would be fine

fattiemumma · 25/09/2006 15:33

my SIL gave birth to their 2nd child alone.

we had spent two days going back and forth to thehospital. we finally left at about 3am and set off back again at about 7:30am....there was horrendous roadwork traffic and there was no signal on either mine or my brother's mobile's

by the time we got their the midwife was just handing my nephew to her.

She would have rather had the suport but she knwe it was nobodies fault and she said the midwives were extra nice to her as she was alone.

CarolinaMoon · 25/09/2006 15:37

but she had MWs?

3andnomore · 25/09/2006 15:54

How about trying to find a childminder that might have your other child....or maybe employing a Doula, then at least you know you won't be alone!

phatcat · 25/09/2006 16:14

I was in this situation when ds2 was born. We prearranged one of ds1's favourite nursery ladies to come and babysit for him. We paid her over the odds so that we could contact her at anytime day or night and be flexible about how long she was needed. It all worked out fine - it happened on a Sunday, we phoned her at 7.30am, she came at 8am and we were back home with ds2 by 6pm. Good luck.

PrettyCandles · 25/09/2006 16:21

I was very worried about this recently, and it was suggested to me that, if I found myself labouring in hospital without a birth partner, to ask for a student (midwife/nurse/doctor) to stay with me. They would quite likely be keen to do so, as it would give them a very good experience of normal birth - and you would be giving them a masterclass in how to treat labouring women.

lulumama · 25/09/2006 16:52

why not a home birth if not too personal? or have you thought about having a doula? or if you can't then you'll have to call ambulance or risk delivering in a taxi! and unless driver is a midwife too, you'll need an ambulance anyway!! where you early or late with first one? can you ask family or friend to come and stay from very near your due date?

bobblehead · 25/09/2006 17:39

The student nurse is a very good idea. I had one while in labour with dd (although dh was there) and she was with us nearly the whole time and stepped in to hold my hand etc when dh went outside to update a friend waiting to hear what was happening.

naswm · 25/09/2006 18:29

Sorry had to chip in quickly... I was skimming down the list of active convos and read this as anyone given birth online...

Good luck!

Spidermama · 25/09/2006 18:38

This book is a must for anyone considering unassisted birth. I really wanted to with my third but dh refused. (It caused quite a rift).

CarolinaMoon · 25/09/2006 18:41

she is a bit of a mentalist though, isn't she?

I mean, what if you have shoulder dystocia or a PPH or something?

Original poster

Lizzie4 · 26/09/2006 13:37

Thanks for messages - discussed with Midwife yesterday who is quite a dominant character and is doubtless very much pushing for a home birth but wasn't terribly reassuring about the process i.e. "we're all very overworked at the moment - we try to have two midwives there but sometimes, because of pressure of work, we're alone, if anything goes wrong there's no guarantee that your local hospital will be able to take you at the last minute etc etc". I'm just not feeling positive vibes..... First birth was fine, I was induced so it was easier to be organised and, of course there were no little ones at home to worry about. I've got a few telephone numbers of kind friends/collegues who have offered to help out but there's still not really anyone that I feel I could call in the wee small hours. I think I just need to be positive and see what happens - he could arrive at 9:00 in the morning in which case everything would be fine.

OP posts:

KTeepee · 26/09/2006 13:52

Can you get a family member to come to stay around the time your baby is due? My mum came to stay when I was pregnant with my second and third - went into labour with No 2 in the middle of the night so I was glad she was on hand and I could leave dd asleep in her care.

If that is not possible, I really would not have any qualms about asking a friend to come over, even if it was the middle of the night - in fact if you have a friend with children it would be easier for her to leave them with their dad while they sleep anyway. You could get your friend to then take your dd to nursery in the morning. Or how about one of the staff at the nursery who your dd already knows?

I had a long list of telephone numbers for dh in case the babies arrived before my mum came to stay - I really think you should do the same as a back up.

CarolinaMoon · 26/09/2006 13:59

can I ask why you don't want a home birth - is it because they can't guarantee enough MWs?

PrettyCandles · 26/09/2006 14:06

Take the 'overworked right now' comment with a pinch of salt. When I went into the labour ward to deliver towards the end of September one year, I was told by the midwives that I'd come 'at the end of the rush'. Apparently there are always a lot of births between mid-August and mid-September as a result of Xmas parties!

Also, if you have a homebirth and choose or need to be transfered to hospital after the midwife has arrived, then you go by ambulance (this is what my mw has told me). So you won't be unassisted, whatever the situation at the local hospital. And, besides, I'm sure I have read that a hospital cannot, by law, turn away a woman in labour, no matter how busy they are.

dressedupnowheretogo · 26/09/2006 14:08

i did by c section emergency and my partner is petrified of blood gore etc sop was on my own didnt bother me at time is now to be honest 7 weeks on

FillyjonktheBananaEater · 26/09/2006 14:14

there is stuff on the homebirth uk site (someone has linked by now, surely?) about overworked midwives.

basically you write them a letter (they have a draft one on the site) saying you are exercising your right to a hb and expect them to provide cover etc etc.

the only problem is...wasn't there a test case recently about this, where it was seen as sufficient for the LA to try to get someone there, or something? Am I making that up? I hope so.

FillyjonktheBananaEater · 26/09/2006 14:18

oh also, at our local birthing centre where dd was born they are fine about having sibs there. I think they like someone with them.

we thought we'd probably have to take ds in with us when dd was born, with my mum, who drove up from london to look after him, meeting us at the hospital. their only concern was that they couldn't allocate a mv to his care! (they even said they would try to find an auxillary). They were incredibly accomodating. They were also happy for him to be at the birth. (I was not though-I would have felt responsible for him, and he was very little-22 months)

ds born on the ward, before the birthing centre opened (though, without wishing to scare you, he was an emergency transfer from a hb-lots of blood, and he had a heart murmer...), totally different experience.

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