MIL drama!!

[bambi07]

Hi all just another rant really!

I have an absolutely wonderful OH who is super excited about us being pregnant, all going well this will be our first and he cant wait. He's buying things and looking into everything, far more than me but his mum (who unfortunately lives next door!) has been nothing but disapproving and downright rude whenever we mention anything.

We have been together for 15 years and have lived together for 13 years and are very happy. This is very much a planned pregnancy, as due to a pre-existing medical condition I cant get pregnant without a team effort from doctors and family. We are both in our early thirties and felt we were ready for the challenge and we're in a good position to begin our family.

I personally couldnt care less about her attitude, as she is usually disapproving of most things we do, but he is gutted. I hate to see how disappointed he is that no one on his side of the family is remotely interested in our exciting time, I think especially since my family is really excited and desperate to be involved where possible.

We have a very complicated relationship with her as we have spent most of our adult lives caring for her and his younger sister, who has lived with us for most of her life. MIL has a chronic illness and has been involved in drugs at times in her past.

When we have talked about the pregnancy she has actually shouted and screamed at us, every decision we have made is ridiculous, including wanting to find out the gender, which she screamed so loudly about even the neighbours came out to see what was going on.

I have tried to talk to her and ask why she reacts the way she does but she just says, she is pleased for us and that we just expect too much and I have tried to tell her that it really does make him sad but she says he is just being stupid and over-reacting.

I dont know how to improve things for him and it makes me cry when I remember how excited he was taking the 12 week scan in to her and her telling him it looked horrible, he was so angry and then really upset.

There is a high risk she wont live the whole 9 months, I may take drastic action!!! Sorry for the essay but dont want to poison my family against her. XXX

Gosh she sounds unhinged! Are you still doing all the caring for her and your SIL? That cant be easy.

Do you think she might be jealous and concerned that she will lose a great deal of her son's attention once baby is born?

I think I'd be inclined to limit what you tell her.

I think the last thing you need with being pregnant and having a new baby is someone shouting and screaming at you

I would tell her that that stops now or you won't be seeing her

She may well be upset and worried but there is no excuse for that kind of behaviour

It is very sad for your DH though, maybe just remind him that your creating a whole new family by having your baby who will love him unconditionally

I think there is an element of jelousy, she has always been down on any big news from him. I think she doesnt want him to better himself so much, he has no time for her.

When he got into university at 24 and was very proud of himself, after being expelled from school and collage as a teenager, she told him it wasnt impressive, anybody can get into uni these days. Again he was really deflated.

I have told her I wont be having anything to do with her until she calms down but he keeps trying. The annoying thing is, I predict when baby is born she will be all over the baby but we will still be wrong with every decision we make. Maybe a move is in order!! XX

God she sounds terrible!! Much worse than mine

How far along are you? Would a move be manageable before baby comes?

If not, I would keep your distance from her completely, let DP make his decisions about how often he wants to see her but just make it clear that you don't want anything to do with her while her attitude is like this.

I really feel for you and DP, he sounds lovely and it's such a shame he gets knocked down like that by his own Mother.

We dont do the majority of caring now, she is doing a lot better at the moment and manages to do most things herself. Long may it continue! X

As PP have mentioned - could she be terrified that her primary carers will leave/ignore her after baby arrives? This might explain the hysterical outbursts.

Sorry your going through such a hard time with MIL, I'd stay clear of her, stress isn't needed at all during pregnancy. I stay clear of my MIL as she made my life miserable n stressful, she literally lives just 1min up the road so DP takes our daughter to see her as i won't have anything whatsoever to do with her anymore, he'll do the same with our new baby when he comes.

If i was you I would stay clear, and probably look into moving!

Jo 18+4 x

However sad it is for your DH, you both should disengaged. Don't share anything with her anymore. Not out of spite or anything, but because it is clearly having a negative impact on you, the parents, and by extension on your unborn child too.

Thank you for your replies and advice.

DP had a conversation with her last night and told her that if it doesnt improve we will have no more involvement with her and she admitted that she thinks we are going to move away and then she's worried what she will do.

It is a relief to have an answer but then there is the part of me that resents her, as she has always been very selfish and we have put lives, careers on hold when she has been at her worst, which in the most part has been self inflicted. She has never been grateful and constantly tells us that everything we do is terrible which now SIL repeats back to us whenever she doesnt get her own way (she's 15 and going through an awkward phase, at least we hope it's a phase!). We spent years looking after her from when we were 17 onwards and now I feel like it's our turn to look after ourselves and enjoy our own family.

We are seriously considering moving but I think it will envoke some cry for attention from her again, like maybe turning back to the drugs, which is how she drew attention back to her, a month after I lost my dad in an accident when I was 20. DP says he would be able to distance himself, but it's his mum and he loves her.

Complicated times but I can't help but be so excited and happy i'm pregnant, I'm 17 weeks now, it's the furthest we've got and we're so pleased. Even all the drama doesn't wipe the smile from my face!

I'm so happy to read that despite all this you are still happy It is very important for baby, and for you too!

Ultimately, you and your Dh will have to take the decision that will protect your family unit and your child. It may not be an easy one, and we obviously cannot tell you which one to take, but it won't be straightforward. Family drama rarely is

You seem a kindhearted DH though, and that ought to count for something

I would move - she is smothering you.