husband has left me at 28 weeks

[America1]

I wrote in here a couple of weeks ago as worried he didnt love me anymore. He left me a week ago but still wont deny or confirm if he still loves me. Hes saying that the spark has gone and hea unhappy but will always love me as the mother of our child. This is very unexpected and I feel like im grieving.
Wondering if anyone has experience of this, what helped them? And what my rights are I dont want him at the birth and wanting to go to antenatal classes alone. We are married does this make any difference?
Can't think at the moment about house etc.
I cant sleep very well wondering if I should visit gp although I see midwife soon.

Oh America how truly awful. You will get through this, your family sound lovely and you really don't need to be dealing with such a weird MIL!

With regards to birth support, I'm not sure how finances are but you could maybe look into a mentored doula? They are very caring, kind, compassionate and support women who help you through your pregnancy, labour and afterwards. They're normally very expensive but mentored doulas are like pilots who need to get their flying hours in - they've done all their training but they need a certain number of births to qualify. Much cheaper - I've found one for £250 for four ante natal visits, on call a month over my due date and two post natal visits.

I would also look into the ante natal thread for your due month and joining. They'll be a solid group by now but I didn't really join mine last time until DS was born anyway and slotted in just fine. They can be very supportive groups of first timers, second and third timers, all having babies in the same month - I'm still part of ours nearly two years later and they've seen me through some very tough times. It's quite common that a group will move to a private Facebook group so you have total privacy.

I really think you need a lot of support around you - kind, caring, loving women from family, friends and ante natal groups whether NCT or online. Birth is an incredibly emotional time without the awfulness of being left by your husband. It's OK to need a lot of support. Everyone needs a lot anyway.

Thanks for that, I think iv joined the group for those due in December.

I'm so sorry OP.

This happened to my friend when she was expecting DC2 (H left of an OW). DC2 is now 3yo and it's been a tough journey but friend and kids are doing great and despite hiccups they are co-parenting effectively. I will ask her advice.

I would echo advice re NCT and asking a relative, friend or if funds allow doula to be your birth partner. If you don't want him there he can't be there, it's your choice. Ditto antenatal classes.

Call the CSA soon after birth to arrange a maintenance agreement. Seek advice on other details of seperating financially so you have as little to worry aboht as possible.

Hi America, so sorry to hear what you're going through. Saw you've joined the Dec group. The girls on there are all lovely and there's someone else on there who is in her own. We all support each other so you'll always have someone to talk to. Most of the group have moved to the Facebook group. It's secret though so you'll have to request to join. X

Hi America, I had my DD on my own with my mum and BF as birthing partners. I did NCT and NHS classes and I won't pretend I didn't feel awkward being on my own but I don't think anyone else gave a monkeys (indeed they were probably more concerned than anything else). The actual birth was mainly on my own as my mum turned out to be a chocolate teapot but I was so focused on pain management, I was glad of the peace and encouragement from the MW. Mum cut the cord and had the first hug so not entirely hopeless! 3 years on, we are blissfully happy and my DD is utterly adored and loved. I wish you a similar kind of happiness xx

Hi everyone, I spoke to my consultant and she said shes sees this a lot. How sad. I woukd never have thought this given its meant to be such a happy time. Birdofthenorth why did they split up? If tou dont mind me asking. I still have no answers. Hugmonster thank you, id love to join the group but I have had to come off Facebook given the circumstances which is a shame. Queen thank you so good to hear from someone who has gone throughthis. I still feel in limbo as still refuses to talk which feels like cruelty.

Tbh there's nothing your 'd' h can say that would make any sense or excuse his lousy behaviour. We could never figure out why my friend's ex just suddenly seemed to hate her and baulk at the responsibility he'd agreed on. My friend said he appeared increasingly bored with the baby stuff as the pregnancy went on and started spending more and more money on treats for him. It sucks, you just can't predict these things.