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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

13 weeks and I feel nothing for the baby. Please help me

5 replies

Northy1987 · 14/09/2014 07:35

I really hope I'm posting in the right forum on here but it's a bit of a long story and I've posted before in relationships forum about my cheated oh (now ex).
Basically I've found out that he was using a singles dating website for our whole relationship having sexual conversations with other women. Even telling one he was saving up to leave us two weeks before we conceived this baby. This is my third baby and his first. He suffers mental health problems and from the moment I told him I was pregnant he didnt seem interested. He was at the scan with me and looked really bored and kept looking away from the screen and staring at the wall. I now know that he hasn't wanted to be with me for ages but never had the guts to tell me and just stayed with me for somewhere to live. I kept offering to go back to the doctor for the pill as he said he wasn't sure if he was ready but he would always say "no if it happens it happens"
My problem is for a long time even before I asked him to leave because of the dating site I haven't felt anything for this baby. The scan was good saw bub moving and wriggling but it didn't feel the same as my other two I don't feel that instant love for this child :-( and I hate myself for it I really do. My friends and family have discussed abortion with me and just yesterday I was considering going to speak to my gp. But I'm sure I couldn't go through with it. But what about when it's born. Is it fair on the baby? How will I learn to bond? If I feel nothing now :-( please help me. Be harsh if you must. My heart couldn't be more broken and my mind and feelings couldn't be more shattered. :( and comments appreciated I just had to write this down

OP posts:
BillStickersIsInnocent · 14/09/2014 08:54

Oh gosh poor you, you've had an awful time so your reaction seems pretty normal to me. I'd go and see your GP, they can refer you for counselling to help you make a decision that's right for you.

Has your partner left now?

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 14/09/2014 08:59

Hand hold.

When I found out I was expecting my son I was absolutely devastated. It took me at least 6 months to feel just 'okay' with having a baby.

It's not unusual and doesn't mean you won't love your baby.

Your partner is a cock. Sorry.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/09/2014 09:39

Don't panic. It's unsurprising you're not feeling good about this pregnancy in the circumstances. You should terminate if that's the right thing for you and your children in the long term, but don't do it because of the lack of a kind right now. Some people don't feel bonded immediately after birth, but it develops.

Annarose2014 · 14/09/2014 14:11

Well its only 13 weeks. I very much wanted this baby but felt no particular connection to the object moving on the screen. It was like I was watching a DVD of someone elses baby.

Even now that I'm towards the end and I feel it moving all the time, I'm not sure how much I register that its a real live baby.

I'm not worried though, as its a very different thing to actually meeting your baby face to face and holding it in your arms and feeling its warmth. I suspect I'll only truly fall in love after I meet him. And thats ok!

DinoSnores · 14/09/2014 15:20

I've not had anything like the struggles you have had, but I just wanted to reassure you that I never feel much 'bond' for my unborn babies and these are all wanted, planned pregnancies within a happy marriage. I think it just seems a bit abstract for me and that comes from a doctor who has studied embryology/obs and gynae etc! Once they actually arrive, it is all very, very different.

One thing that would concern me about your post though is (and this of course is based on one post) your mood and whether you are depressed, so it might be worth going to your GP to chat through all of this. Antenatal depression isn't uncommon, particularly when you have had so much to deal with as well.

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