I really hope I'm posting in the right forum on here but it's a bit of a long story and I've posted before in relationships forum about my cheated oh (now ex).
Basically I've found out that he was using a singles dating website for our whole relationship having sexual conversations with other women. Even telling one he was saving up to leave us two weeks before we conceived this baby. This is my third baby and his first. He suffers mental health problems and from the moment I told him I was pregnant he didnt seem interested. He was at the scan with me and looked really bored and kept looking away from the screen and staring at the wall. I now know that he hasn't wanted to be with me for ages but never had the guts to tell me and just stayed with me for somewhere to live. I kept offering to go back to the doctor for the pill as he said he wasn't sure if he was ready but he would always say "no if it happens it happens"
My problem is for a long time even before I asked him to leave because of the dating site I haven't felt anything for this baby. The scan was good saw bub moving and wriggling but it didn't feel the same as my other two I don't feel that instant love for this child :-( and I hate myself for it I really do. My friends and family have discussed abortion with me and just yesterday I was considering going to speak to my gp. But I'm sure I couldn't go through with it. But what about when it's born. Is it fair on the baby? How will I learn to bond? If I feel nothing now :-( please help me. Be harsh if you must. My heart couldn't be more broken and my mind and feelings couldn't be more shattered. :( and comments appreciated I just had to write this down