Im lost need a shoulder n some open advice x

[Kmonkeyface]

hi all, this is my 1st thread so thought id make it a big 1. im 23 with an absolutly beautiful 2yr old daughter, am originally from london but have moved all over England and have recently moved to Scotland, i have been with my boyf for 6 an a half yrs but there have been some major rocky patches and trust issues (that he has caused) i no i love him but although he is a great dad his boyf skills at times are a let down!!!! Tho at times im the happiest girl alive with him, anyway he plays football for a living which is why we move a lot but he has a serious knee injury that could end his career in 2-3yrs his contract with present club is up in april and who knows wat will happen to us. the BIG problem is i have just found out im pregnant although i was on contraceptive patch, dont think me an him will survive a preg and baby am literally 3-4 weeks preg andalthough i have sooo many reasons why having a baby isnt right for us and not wat WE want having an abortion or even contemplating it makes me feel dirty and disgusted at myself. Am wanting to hear from people who have been were i am an taken both paths.

I got pregnant with DS rather sooner than expected. DP was horrified and wanted me to have an abortion. I couldn't. So I told him I would leave and bring up baby alone. He changed his mind and we are still together with DS 22 months, currently trying for number 2. Things don't always run smoothly but personally I could not reconcile myself with having an abortion, and I know I made the right decision. I love DP and DS and sometimes feel the luckiest girl alive. I beleive you as the mother have to do what is best for you. Welcome to MN and good luck with your incredibly tough decision.

thanks the thought of having an abortion horrifies me and never entered my head with my lil girl its just i want us to work out an not loose the family i have, just dont no if i could cope my lil terror reduces me to tears sometimes but is always the most amazing thing in my life it dosnt help that my partner jus sits on the fence and answers every q with ill do what u want/im happy to go along with what u want, and its up 2 u. think im wanting someone to tell me what to do an give there approval which aint goona happen...

Hi. Such a tough choice to make. I got pregnant around Easter so I'm only part way down the road. Still a long test ahead! It was an accidental pregnancy (2 forms of contraception, I feel like Miss fertile 2006!)dp and I had talked of futures and marriage and kids but in the future, we are both uni students and in fact were both considering second gap years after uni, maybe working a ski season before starting work or something. Certainly not settle down just yet! We had also both been studying abroad in separate countries and in the 9 months until I found out I was pg had clocked up just 4 weeks total together. Not ideal! But, like you I could not have an abortion, I just didn't feel I could live with myself, or indeed have children with the same man in a few years and not look at them and wonder how this one would have turned out. Like your dp mine told me it was my choice and he would support me whatever I decided. It was only a few months later he confessed he would have been very upset had I gone for an abortion. Thats the trouble with men, takes a lot for them to say what they feel. At the end of the day, we as the carriers are the ones left with the ultimate choice, I think that scares the men as much as it does us, what if he says he wants it and you go abort it anyway? What if he says he doesn't and you keep it or abort to keep him happy? He probably feels like he is walking on glass. If you can work out how to get an honest answer from him tell us the secret. All you can do is try to picture yourself a few years down the line and work out if you can do this with or without him, whatever decision you make. Good luck

that so true been so busy crying myself not thought about him im an emotional wreck an u wouldnt think for looking at him we had this dilema but i guess its his way he has always held everything in. i know if i had no kids i would go ahead with the pg without 2nd thought but i no how hard it is both physically mentally n finacially... my head is sooo messed up, went to the clinic on fri am literally 3wks pg soo fortunatly have some time too think, never though i could go thru with an abortion just dont no wat is worse with our situation me going through a termination or another baby dont get me wrong i love my lil girl with my life jus no how much hard work and stress it puts me and him on xxx

OK, I think you need to really think through whether you're really, really opposed to abortion or whether you have always assumed you wouldn't do it because it's unpleasant. I have worked in abortion clinics (and had one myself) and I can promise you that a large proportion of the women who turn up there are insistent that they have always been anti-abortion. Of those, most make their peace with what they are choosing because they know it is the best thing for themselves and their families. A minority cannot make their peace with what they have done. If you really feel that you could not live with yourself after abortion, then please don't do it - it will be too painful for you and too destructive to your relationship. If, however, you feel it may be the best way forward for your family, then do get some proper counselling before you reach your final decision.

Good luck with this. I feel so sorry for you. PLease don't feel dirty and disgusted with yourself - whatever you choose will be the best way forward for your family, I am sure.

thank u, you have made it clear that i need to think about wat is best for the family i already have dont want a termination but def dont wanna loose the family i have already got or compromise my lil girls life in anyway... got a long road ahead am gratefull hester for your comments not gonna rush into anything an maybe speak to a councillor to see wat they say.... xxx