Any moms here that delivered the baby on their own while ...

[hartmel]

DH stayed home with the other kid(s)???

How did you find it? Did you miss having DH around as your birth partner??

The reason I'm asking is, that we had my mom lined up to watch DS (12 month old) when I go in labour. But lately she is doing everything I tell her not to do with DS she does it and then tells me "while ... (My DS name) is with me I will do whatever I want"

Yesterday for example I told her that I can not eat chips as he will choke on it. She gave it to him anyway. Even with me sitting there and feeding my son. Then I tell her that DH and me don't want to give him sweets. Well her answer was "I don't care what you say, when my grand kids come to visit me I will give them whatever i want"

I have been crying a lot lately because she is so negative. Complaining about everything.
Doesn't understand that I'm 34 weeks pregnant and have SPD. Expects me to bring DS over to her place for a visit instead of her coming to my place..

We don't have anyone else here. DH parents moved overseas. We wanted mil to come but she can't health wise..

I got a lot of Braxton hicks because I'm so upset!

Sorry for ranting!!

Does if really matter to you that much if she gives DS sweets while you're in labour?

Don't give birth alone, not if you don't really need to. The problems you describe with your DM are irritating, but not serious enough to warrant not leaving DS with her for a day or overnight.

Sounds like you're stuck in a constant low level of conflict with her. Do you have a good enough relationship that you can have some time on your own and tell her how much you're struggling?

I tried many times talking to her about it but instead getting better it gets worse..

DH refuses to visit them.

I haven't written down everything she says and does! Because it is to upsetting for me!

I don't trust her alone with my DS.. I first thought because I'm over protective but noticed that I'm not..

Our plan is anyway as soon as the baby is born to sell the house and move away!

And yes it does matter that DS is getting sweets because he loves his veggies and fruit and meat that I don't want him to get sweets! As my niece now only wants sweet stuff and refuses all the healthy stuff..

Do you have any friends who could step in? We live abroad and won't have any family to help so I am asking 3 friends who know my DS pretty well (our DC are similar ages and are friends, well, as much as 3 year olds can be!) to be 'on call' around the time I am due so I will have an option to leave him with one of them while DH and I go to the hospital.

It is scary to think about leaving DS for 24 hours with anyone but since family aren't around we have no option.

If you don't trust her alone with DS for other reasons, then say that in your OP, you don't need to give details.

How about friends who could take DS? or paying someone?

Because though of course I hope you will have a straightforward delivery, and I'm sure you will, you have to plan for the (slight) chance that you will have complications and want / need your DH (or another birth partner) there with you.

Presumably you aren't thrilled at the thought of your mum being at the birth?

As pp said, do you have a friend who you could ask?

How about a regular babysitter you trust?

Would a sibling be able to fly over if you had the babysitter take the child while the sibling travelled to you.

If do anything I could to have DH there.

If needs be, sweets etc for 24-48h are not ideal but better than you being alone.

Take care and don't be too tough on yourself. Call a friend and get it all off your chest.

I am preparing to give birth on my own. Luckily not for the same reasons. I'm sorry you have to deal with this now. My mum is over 4hours away and has not been well and while she is good company and will visit us frequently I feel looking after my one year old for anything up to a few days might be too much. There is no one else I could call. My husband is also not that keen on hospitals and quite frankly we feel that there was so little for him to do last time he just ended up as a spare part. I supposed I am pretty confident in asking for and getting what I want from the hospital and know what to expect. Last time I just wanted to be in my own to get to know my baby after the birth and my husband felt quite left out and useless. I think it's got to be a personal choice but quit frankly I was pretty busy during my last labour and then feeding my new baby and hardly noticed who was there. It would of course be different if he really wanted to be in the room but I'm not at all sure he does really. He feels guilty about it, but I really don't mind at all. I would much rather he was at home looking after our DS (who is devoted to him) and ensuring I can come home to a calm, happy child who's routine has not been disrupted. I think you should do whatever makes you most comfortable. Your hormones will be going mad and even very small things will really, really upset you and if you will feel better knowing your son is being looked after in the way you want, then maybe it is the right option for you.

Hartmel - you seem to have my worst nightmare coming true :/

My OH's mum is exactly how you describe. I've seen her babysit other people's children and she always goes against the parents to get brownie points with the kids so that they love going to her house. (to the point of where a family member told a 10 year old child - NO you cannot have a mobile phone, too young, don't need one..etc only for her to give him hers, with credit on it!! I mean... how do you go back and remove that without looking like a monster??)

I only went to the dentist the other day and he gave me loads of lovely advice about getting them used to the dentist, and making sure they only have milk/water, which I totally agree with. Only with OH's mum to start butting in immediately when I was telling him about it, how it's cruel not to give a child juice..etc... I'm already dreading what's going to happen..

My own mum passed away when I was 18 (I'm now 27) and my mum would have been massively supportive of the choices I make even if they weren't the same as hers... so I guess it winds me up more!

My partner completely sides with his mum, mummies boy! to the point where he didn't see what the big deal was when she said she wanted to be at the birth :/!

Haha I just had my own little rant when you are looking for help.

BIG HUGS I really hope you don't have to go through this pregnancy alone. Is there any way you could get a few friends "on call" for you or a babysitter/childminder who is aware it will be a drop everything and get the kids moment? I know it might offend the mother but she's not really made any attempts to not offend you has she?