Telling best friend I'm pregnant

[Teabird]

Really worried about how to handle this as I really don't want to upset her or hurt her feelings. We have been best friends for 15 years now and she emigrated to New Zealand about 4 years ago but keep in touch via email and Skype 2-3 a month. She is god mother to my dd1 and is a wonderful friend. We confide in each other about everything and I miss her hugely since she left.

She has recently had her first attempt at ivf which failed two weeks ago and is absolutely devastated as she is 37 and really worried if it will ever happen for her and her husband. I am so upset for her and we have talked much about it. She will be an amazing mum.

Last week I found out I am 7 weeks pregnant with a much wanted dc2 but am struggling to know how to tell her. I have an early scan next week due to multiple losses prior to dd1. At first I was going to wait until 12 weeks but this falls right when she is going to start treatment for her 2nd ivf attempt and that seems bad timing too.

I am so torn about how to do it and when. Any advice would be really welcome!

Could you wait another couple of weeks after your 12 to see if her IVF works?

I've been in a similar position, right down to previous losses before the pregnancy... I dreaded telling my friend, but I text her before we all met up to let her deal with it in her own way, rather than putting her on the spot in public.

If she's a true friend, she'll be happy for you. I can see the point in waiting... but if her IVF doesn't work, then you would be telling her after that?

Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy

That's the problem Stampy, there doesn't seem to be a good time. Obviously if her ivf is successful that would be wonderful and we'd be going through pregnancy at the same time. If not I'd be telling her at a really upsetting time. I just feel a bit guilty about it all. I know deep down I shouldn't, I'm sure she would be delighted for me. It is never easy is it?

Personally? (And this question comes up a lot with widely varying responses from people in your friends position). Tell her in an email or text, but explain you will ring v soon and let her react initially in private and let her talk about it to the level she wants.

If you've has losses you know she doesn't want your baby, she wants her baby.

I never resented my friends pregnancies, but I do regret the tears shed in public when I was told over meals out etc.

Oh, and in your situation, if you're happy to, I'd tell her early. At the fine of her ivf is cruel and I found delayed announcement because if my "situation" patronising, even when done with best of intentions.

Fine = start