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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Useless Midwife, so upset

12 replies

wawabear · 04/09/2014 11:31

Had my first appointment with the midwife this morning and left in tears.

In a nutshell, our local hospital is on special measures and one of the maternity nurses was recently suspended after a prolonged period of drug misuse whilst on duty. We have therefore decided to go to a dedicated maternity hospital with a great reputation a little (but not very) further away.

That set the tone for the appointment - this midwife apparently works at the local hospital and was so difficult with me throughout the appointment. She refused to give me my notes, saying that it was a waste of time as "your" hospital will give you new ones when they see you (I thought they were standard nationally?). She said it wasn't fair of me to judge the whole hospital on that one nurse, so I said I wasn't judging but it had influenced my decision along with the special measures. She said the nurse in question was mentally ill (was that supposed to make me feel better?) - I felt really backed into a corner, her manner was awful.

She didn't take any bloods, height or weight, she skipped through my family history so quickly that I had to ask her to go back a screen to add my dad's heart condition on - when I asked her to amend the notes she said "well these are irrelevant anyway as they'll need to do this all again when you go to your hospital".

I asked about any safe medication for constipation and she told me to eat prunes or see my GP.

I'm so upset, at the end of the appointment I was in tears and I said I felt like she couldn't get me out of there quick enough and she had no interest in me or my pregnancy because I had chosen a different hospital.

I spoke to the Practice Manager afterwards and she said that she wouldn't have a baby at our local hospital if they paid her a million pounds and she had no right to question my decision.

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TwigletFiend · 04/09/2014 11:45

Oh no, Flowers for you.

Take a deep breath and give yourself time to calm down. Then I would sit down and list the things that upset you about the appointment - I would make separate columns for the 'problem' (can't think of another way to put it sorry!) and how it made you feel - both your physical and mental health should be concerns for her, regardless of your decisions about where to have the baby. She is absolutely not there to judge you.

I'd then make a formal complaint to the supervising midwife in your area, stressing that her conduct made you feel very anxious and upset.

I'm sorry your first point of contact for this pg was so shitty. I hope the MWs in your maternity hospital are better, but regardless of the fact you may never see her again, her behaviour was completely unacceptable and needs addressing.

Sending you virtual hugs!

JuniorMumber · 04/09/2014 11:51

This is so unprofessional of her, and so silly considering she seems to care about the reputation of the hospital following this incident with the drugged up MW. What better way to compound your fears about using the hospital than to behave like that?

Try not to be upset, she is a bad egg with her own issues. When you register at the new hospital you will get a decent midwife and you can start afresh.

BaronessBomburst · 04/09/2014 11:54

Try to see it as a positive: reaffirming that that is exactly why you will not be having your baby at that hospital!

And congratulations. Thanks

Pico2 · 04/09/2014 11:56

That sounds poor. When I had DD I was on the edge of two "catchments" for hospitals and pretty much everyone chooses the one we did. The local MWs come from the other one and were fine with it.

I'm having my next baby at a different hospital and they do have different looking maternity notes, but I'm not sure if that is because I am consultant led/having private care, though the notes are printed for the NHS trust, not private notes.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 04/09/2014 12:02

Different hospitals have different notes. I changed hospitals as we moved and got a new set of notes and had to see the mw again about my history.

She sounds awful btw. It's up to you where you go.

dancestomyowntune · 04/09/2014 12:04

If I were you I think I would definitely complain. She cannot treat people like that and expect to get away with it! No wonder you don't want to have your baby there. Flowers for you.

wawabear · 04/09/2014 12:13

Sorry for the rant ladies - I just had to vent somewhere as I as so furious. She didn't even confirm that she had referred me for the 12 week scan. When I spoke to the Practice Manger afterwards she said "she's in tears downstairs" - great make me feel like crap cos I'm the girl that made the inept midwife cry!

We looked at reviews for both hospitals and the experiences of mothers could not be more different. To be fair there are good and bad in both but the one we have chosen has far better reviews and even the good reviews of the local hospital comment on how filthy the ward is. The other hospital is only for women and children so they have more facilities.

I downloaded the risk review of the local hospital and it refers specifically to the maternity ward and how dirty and understaffed it is.

Why do I still feel that I have to justify my decision?

8...9....10....Aaaaaaannnnnd relax!

Thanks for letting me vent xxx

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DinoSnores · 04/09/2014 12:25

Just an aside, lots of hospitals use their own maternity notes so they are not necessarily going to be the same between different ones. Certainly my local hospital has its own notes.

MW sounds awful though!

Pico2 · 04/09/2014 13:21

Why would she be in tears? Obviously you weren't quite what she wanted as a patient, but if you weren't intimidating, what on earth is she crying about?

ChunkyPickle · 04/09/2014 13:28

I went cross county (I live on the edge of the county, so I could go to the closest but in a different county, or within county but a good 30 min drive away) - but still saw my local midwife, my notes were from her (the hospital just added some pages) etc. and my post-birth checks were all done with the local midwife.

Bloods were done at the hospital though - my midwife would never have done them anyway (just urine dips)

It can work, she was just being unprofessional. As others have said, take it as another good reason not to use that hospital.

helensburgh · 04/09/2014 13:31

Agree with baroness.

Sounds like you have had a lucky escape

wawabear · 04/09/2014 13:35

Exactly pico2 - when I walked out of the room I heard her exclaim "Oh God" - not crying then - also not crying when I walked past with the Practice Manager and she was laughing with one of the Receptionists - she only started crying when she had been found out for being a moo.

Turned out it was her first time at our surgery as she was covering the usual midwife who is off - great feedback for your first visit!

ChunkyPickle she did literally nothing other than my blood pressure and it took her 5 minutes to find a stethoscope as she had left hers in her car. Threw me a leaflet about breastfeeding and that was it.

I was told by the original midwife who made the appointment that they usually take around an hour - I was out in 15 minutes!

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