Heartbroken

[Saraha3776]

Hi guys, I'm feeling heartbroken after it's been confirmed that I've miscarried. At 34 it would have been my first baby. I was 8 weeks. What I have noticed is lack of sympathy and empathy from medical staff.
I had backache and stomach ache aswell as bleeding and turned up at a&e trying to explain what was happening only to be told that bleeding does happen during pregnancy you know. After a urine sample was taken, I was told there was blood in my urine and I needed to get a scan to check for eptopic pregnancy.

I was then put on a shuttle bus to go to the nearest hospital, ironically they test for miscarriages in the newborn centre, go figure. Anyway, a scan revealed I'd lost the baby. I got a sick note and was sent back home on the shuttle.

No explanation of what happens next etc. All last night and most of today I've had horrendous back pain. To a point I couldn't breath. I was crying I was in so much pain. I went to see an out of hours gp who did seem to understand and prescribed 2 extra strong painkillers. I managed to get a couple of hours sleep and when I woke up I felt a clot and then found it on my pad which was the most distressing of all. I didn't know, probably cos I'm dumb, that the miscarriage can happen a day or so after the actual bleeding starts.

Sorry fir being thick. I'm just a bit lost and not sure what to do now.

You poor, poor love. I am so sorry for your loss. What a horrible way to be treated. You are not thick, it isn't something most people know much about until it happens to them and the medical staff should have given you more info and sympathy.

If the clot you passed was the baby, which sounds likely, then you will probably continue to bleed for about another week. If you are soaking a pad within an hour, or the pain is unmanageable, you need to seek medical help. For me the pain and bleeding slowed down a few hours after I passed the baby.

A hot water bottle can help with the pain and I took maximum dose of ibuprofen and paracetamol alternately.

Sorry if tmi, but we felt very connected to the baby we had lost and decided to name and bury him/her (7 wk foetus) in a remote woodland near our home. I know this wouldn't be the right thing for everyone but it really helped us to have somewhere special to grieve.

Rather like cirsium... I found staff to be unsympathetic and even incompetent. I miscarried at 6 weeks, our 1st pregnancy. I realise its not in the same boat as a late miscarriage or still birth clearly, but its very upsetting. Like you saraha I felt the embryo pass after a few days, and like cirsium picked a spot to bury it. It may not be for everyone, but I like to know where he or she is, its comforting.

If its any consolation, I'm now pregnant with dc5 saraha, and a similar age to you. In my estimation (non professional estimation!) I think 1st pregnancies seem more likely to miscarry, often after an early miss, you go on to a successful pregnancy. Hope that will be your story. I'm sorry you've had such treatment. And you certainly arent thick, no one knows how it goes till you've been there. Rest and look after yourself.

So sorry for your loss Saraha.

It's no consolation for you now I know, but I suffered a missed miscarriage with my first last summer at 39, and am now 26 weeks. It is really likely that it will happen for you too.

Unfortunately healthcare staff vary. For them, early pregnancy losses are something they see all the time, and sometimes they can come across as a little brusque. No excuse for it though.

I found the miscarriage and loss threads very helpful, they are in the Body & Soul section, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage

I wish you all the best.

So sorry. I've no personal experience, however I think that once you're feeling up to it, it may help to speak to the hospital PALS (patient advice and liaison service). Every hospital should have one, and they can provide support and information - they can also support you with a complaint or feed back to the department involved informally if you do the want to go as far as a full complaint.

As said above, medical staff can get hardened to things, but it's not an excuse to not explain what to expect next, or to not treat people kindly.

Thinking of you

Si sorry.

You do need to go back to your GP and be advised on after care. Looking after yourself physically after a loss is important (there are small risks of infection for example) and from your description I doubt very much anyone has spoken to you.

The Miscarriage Association are a great source of facts and comfort, with a help line.

At 34 you are unlikely to have another loss, over 90% this was a very sad but isolated incident and when you feel ready (and your GP advises) you can try again - most likely all will be OK.

Thank you everyone. I know people suffer later miscarriages and have still births but I was always told I couldn't have children so when I fell pregnant it was the most amazing feeling. Though the dad decided he didn't want to know I said I would bring the baby up alone, now I'm just at a complete loss.

Oh I'm so sorry to read this, lots of love xxxx

I am so sorry this has happened to you. What an appalling way to treat someone, it's no wonder you are upset.

Try PALS as they were good with us when my mum had cancer.

Sending you lots of love xxx

saraha, didnt realise about the dad, or having been told you couldnt have children etc. I'm so sorry. You sound better off without him mind, but aside from that the lack of support from a partner is badly timing. Look after yourself, you will surely meet a guy who doesnt turn tail and run. And if pregnancy has happened once... Good luck, hope you're managing. Ask for help if you need it. Some pps above have given good advice re miscarriage support etc.