Feeling like a bad Mum :(

[Littlepeanutbump]

Hi everyone,

So I had a positive pregnancy test this week surprised but really really so happy, but feeling like I've done EVERYTHING wrong thus far.

I missed my last period and took a test shortly after which showed a negative result so I didn't believe we had conceived. Mistake no 1 I have not been taking any folic acid because despite not being on contraception my partner and I were getting intimate occassionally and not in accordance to my ovulations. I am not regular in my cycle at all and thought perhaps I should see my GP because my cycle had no pattern.

Because I got a negative reading I stupidly carried on 'as normal' I had a birthday recently and we went to the spa, I went in the Sauna, the steam room, and had a thai massage as a treat and also tucked into a cheese board for lunch :( and have consumed the odd glass of wine or cider.

This week I took the test and am now showing pregnant, I feel dreadful for spending the day at the spa, eating cheeses and for not taking folic acid, the test is showing up as 3 weeks + but I don't feel like I am displaying symptoms of being pregnant.

I feel absolutely dreadful and have gone straight out to get my folic acid and vitamin D supplements, have an appointment with the doctors next week for a blood test. I can believe I have made such stupid errrors. I am now mulling over my head the damage I might have done and if everything is ok. I know this isn't helping or will change anything but I was wondering if anyone else had experienced similar activities before realising they'd concieved. I have also been taking antehistamines for my allergies which apparently I should discontinue now.

I hope the GP can help put my mind at rest but the worst thing is the spa and not taking my folic acid I feel very irresponsible. I hope to do my best from now on and just feeling like I've made such stupid errors :(

Will run through all this at my appointment but just wanted to share with others to see if anyone had had similar concerns.

Sorry it's long feeling terrible x

I guarantee you will have done absolutely no damage whatsoever.

I didn't realise I was pregnant until around 6 weeks because I couldn't remember if I had a period during a hell of a hectic month. And at about 2-3 weeks pregnant, I went to a party and got so drunk my DH carried me home. I'm now 24 weeks with a very active and healthy baby.

Don't beat yourself up, you weren't to know. Nothing you have done will do any harm at that stage of pregnancy.

Ps - I still eat sushi and pâté!

Sorry that was supposed to read ' I can't believe I have made such stupid errrors' but I am not sure how to edit this.

Were you taking your folic acid supplements though? I feel very silly for not taking them, am on my second day of them now but we've calculated that I could be between 5-7 weeks pregnant, and I've read how crucial the supplements can be in the early stages. Same with the sauna and the heat, sorry to repeat I just feel awful x

Nope, no folic acid until I got a positive test. We weren't even trying to get pregnant so I had no reason to take them, I only took a test to 'jinx' myself into starting my period as I'd had period type cramps for a few days but nothing was happening.

Honestly, all will be fine. Plenty of people don't take folic acid until after they get a positive test. Unless you're really malnourished then you will have been getting more than enough vitamins through your food and drink to see you through the first few weeks.

You can't change it now, so just write it off and start afresh. Most of the do's and dont's are a load of old twoddle anyway

Congratulations by the way!

Please try not to worry, I spent pretty much my whole 1st month of pregnancy (unknown) in a blind haze of drunkeness which included Husbs 30th, various Xmas parties, Xmas itself, new year.... Honestly I'm surprised I was still functioning lol! And I'll be really honest I have been appalling at taking folic acid and preggo vitamins, I probably lasted a week before I forgot to take them and then intermittently have remembered, vowed to be stricter for a few more days and then totally forgotten again... I'm 38+5 and this baby is doing a fantastic daily impression of a hardcore raver in my belly... There are a lot worse things people do to their bodies and their babies whilst preggo so please try not to let this upset you too much

Thank you :) we are very happy and I am trying not to get too excited yet so the worry is setting in, I thought it might help to speak with other users on mumsnet and share things, they say it's good to take :) has your little one arrived yet? :) congratulations also :D

Good to talk

I just seem to have made ALL the mistakes, the odd glass of wine, soft cheeses, no folic acid, and a spa day and massage! Feel like I've not done anything correctly!!!! :/

Don't feel guilty for having enjoyed yourself! Remember that a lot of people don't know they're pregnant straight away anyway.
Folic acid Is in lots of foods you may have eaten, such as cereal, anyway.
Odd glass of wine is actually not harmful -the real problems come from regularly getting wasted!
Soft cheeses aren't a problem in themselves unless there was something wrong with them such as listeria -and you'd know about it by now if there was!
Spa and massage -I believe the problem with these is that they can cause miscarriage. You are pregnant so have not miscarried.

The main risk in spas is actually that you can overheat and faint.

In order to raise your body temp high enough to miscarry, you would have to make yourself feel really unwell and too hot. As in you would need medical help, so you would know.

Massages are also fine :) I used to be a beauty therapist and you only have to be careful of them using aromatherapy oils on you. Most places make you wait until 12 weeks for massage based treatments but only if someone were to unfortunately miscarry they may try and blame the massage as it not being something in their normal routine. A girl I used to work with didn't find out she was pregnant until 20 weeks and she drunk, took drugs, no folic acid etc and she's about to give birth any day with no problems with baby. Good luck in the rest of your pregnancy :)

My cousin because she is a feeble minded fool much as I love her didn't realise she was up the duff until she was eleven weeks gone. In the meantime she'd been on holiday and two hen nights and a wedding and got wasted at all of them and generally just been a 25 year old on the lash. Her child was and is perfect. I'm sure you'll be fine.

You have yet to make a mistake. Just start your folic acid, as for the rest, not one single problem. Don't make the mistake of thinking there are a million rules with being pregnant, there are only a couple if things you should do differently. (Avoid vitamin A and....well I can't think of anything else right now. Some people horseride etc, personal choice).

Sorry, don't take drugs or drink excessively....those ones are important!

Thanks you for all your contributions :) I started my folic acid 2 days ago I too just remembered that a week after conception was suffering with vomiting and loose bowels (sorry too much information!!!!) so used a hot water bottle directly on my stomach (another stupid thing to do :( ) I feel like I have done nothing right guys x does anyone know if you can take cetrizine whilst pregnant? Many thanks! :)

OP I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 22ish weeks, I was 17 so definitely not trying to get pregnant. I took no folic acid and, being the idiotic teenager I was, had too much to drink a few times. I have a fabulous, healthy nearly 11 year old now. You will have done your little baby no harm. :)

Cetirizine is what I was prescribed for my hayfever a couple of months ago by my GP, as well as an aqueous nasal spray.

Stop stressing, no harm will have been done, you're going to spend the rest of your life worrying so give yourself a break for now

Hi all, thanks for your comments, I just feel all over the place at the moment as I have no idea about dates of conception and had an irregular cycle, feel like I'm in limbo land, been referred to the hospital and midwifery team but getting a great deal of anxiety in the meantime xx

Last time I got a trapped nerve around the time I got pregnant and was chugging paracetamol, codeine & ibuprofen like nothing for about 3 weeks. I was convinced I'd killed it. 'It' is now 3 years old & nothing but trouble!

I have a friend who hadn't a clue she was pregnant with kid no. 2 & didn't take folic acid at all. That kids just fine too.

They're pretty robust really & it's a while before you & they are fully plumbed together.