SIL issues... how to manage the visit... any top tips?

[frannie2013]

Hi
I was just wondering if anyone had any top tips on what to do when SIL visits...

she and i have never got on very well (won't go into all the reasons why!) but never fallen out over anything. however this year her behaviour has been shocking. her (and OH's) dad died earlier in the year and left them some cash. she then chose to leave her husband and 4 yo son and move overseas to move in with a fella she had met a couple of weeks beforehand. MIL and OH were - and still are - distraught about this but still idolise her and OH is excited about her visit, though is aware that i'm not so keen... she has a history of PND and i do try to empathise with her (i have several friends with PND and/or D so know what it can be like) and her recent behaviour could be grief from her father passing, but she tries to be very emotionally manipulative, and everything is always about her. she has not tried to support MIL or OH at all in what is a very emotionally charged year for them.

baby is due 10 sept and she and MIL are coming to stay in a flat near us for 5 days 2 weeks later. i've no probs with MIL coming but SIL is already doing my head in (she doesn't want to come but MIL has asked her 100 times and is paying for her flight and wants her to see her son! so she has said ok.) so i've been trying to think of ways to make sure the visit goes smoothly - for everyone! OH may be back at work by then (though may keep a few days in reserve for their visit - though that's not quite the point of it but still...) or the baby might arrive that week! we have said NO ONE (inc my parents) can stay in the house for the first month.

my sister lives nearby so have asked her to come visit at the same time to 'dilute' SIL's impact. and i'm trying to think of things for us to do in the day time and evenings when OH is back from work which get us out of the house all together - like walks, dinner out - but i'm aware that some of this will be up in the air depending on how i'm feeling post birth, when the birth is, and how LO is!! also, to be honest i'm beginning to resent (yes already!) that i'm having to adapt my/our first few weeks with my/our first baby because of her and she won't be thinking of this at all and i'm worried that the stress of it will cause me some mental health issues. I'm also keen for this to not cause any arguements between OH and me as that won't achieve anything!

sorry this is so long! if anyone has some helpful comments or similar exerience on how to manage awkward relationships that would be wonderful!

I think structure and organised activities usually keeps drama at bay. So I would be sending SIL out to get the takeaway for example. Or taking baby for a walk in the pram every afternoon. Keep her occupied with jobs.

You might just be so tired that you just HAVE to go back to bed all day, or you might just not give a shit.

Maybe organise some catch up time with oh and mil (ie if you can't come because you're tires/baby is fretting or you just say that its still all good). Stagger these activities so you get a few hours a day.

Are you anticipating seeing them every day, for pretty much most of the day? If you are I'd really advise against it. Bare in mind that you'll also be getting lots of visits/calls from the midwives to check up on you and the baby, as well as trying to get to grips with being a first time mum and most likely sleep deprivation. So if it can at all be prevented I'd really discourage visits every day, and try to limit them to either the morning or afternoon. Point out that it's a lovely opportunity for MIL and SIL to spend time together, and if you feel ok about being left alone your OH can join them.

How helpful/patient is your sister? You don't want SIL (or MIL) hanging around with you all the time but maybe she could take them out for trips places or something similar, especially if quite post-birth when you'll need lots of close bonding time.

I would make sure you can get access to a good choice of films, so if all else fails you / they can watch them together. Get OH to supply you with plenty of nibbles.

Or maybe a good box set of a really addictive drama series would be good...keep them quiet for a good while.

You're most likely not going to want to be going out for dinner. I wouldn't waste a minute thinking about how to entertain them - it really isn't your problem. You'll be far too busy with the baby.