New born sleeping arrangements

[dmuk]

Seeking some advice. We have been discussing this for a while but cannot yet come up with a solution!

We live in a two bedroom flat with an open plan sitting room/kitchen. Our main bedroom does not have too much room for any more furniture. The second bedroom will be our nursery.

We are contemplating the two options below. Would appreciate some ideas from others.

For the first 3-4 months swinging crib for next to our bed.
Snugglehead for sitting room and/or second bedroom.
Rocking chair for sitting room/or second bedroom.

From day 1 use cot bed in second room. The drawback being baby would not be sleeping with us in our main bedroom. Would likely mean mum spends time in second bedroom to sleep/feed.
Snugglehead for sitting room and/or second bedroom.
Rocking chair for sitting room/or second bedroom.

I can understand the benefits of having the child sharing the main bedroom however I think we may struggle with space. This may mean mum and baby sleeping in the second bedroom or at least baby in the second bedroom alone.

A cot lacks some mobility however suspect we can carry baby between cot/crib and snugglehead?

Also, assuming we can use a cot bed from day one by using some dividers?

i think worth reading safe sleeping guidelines here
i am not sure these shaped portable beds are recommended and i don't think safe once baby is rolling which could be as 3-4 months.
we have moved furniture to fit in cot in our room and have a cot rather than cot bed which is a bit smaller, and will fir through our doorways so can be moved easily without having to take it apart, dh sneaks off to spare room if v tired or has a big day ahead more so when ds2 was tiny.
i think you will find you won't sleep well in a separate room and will be worrying about baby.

I'd perfected this by baby 3 and HAD to maximise sleep and had quite forgotten the previously internalised cultural 'rules' about what constitutes a good mother etc. Also had moved to tiny house.

What we did:

Put bed base against wall in other room. All slept on mattress on the floor. Though extended out mattress by putting cot-bed mattress down next to us so that if baby's position was annoying me I could move him gently off our mattress.

Btw, I was the least tired with no. 3 as sleeping arrangements allowed me to get more than 8 hours a night provided I went to bed at 8:30 as that allowed me on-off feeding for up to 4 hours. This was largely done dozing or asleep so many nights I had in excess of 10 hours sleep despite having a newborn and two under 6's.

My DS is 4 days old, we bought a swinging crib which is in our room but he gets so lost and angry in it that we bought the Moses basket in too and he sleeps in that right next to the bed.

He just wants to be as close to us as possible and loves being swaddled up so feels more secure in the Moses

You will want the baby with you for definite plus when they wake up every hour all night, it's easier to have them right next to you!

Looking after a newborn all day is considerably more tiring than many jobs. (My boyfriend works part time and views his work days as his easy days.) I think it's the mum who generally needs her sleep time maximised. And in the early days she's the one who's recovering from pregnancy and birth as well. I think it's worth getting a partner to recognise this really early before the resentment sets in!

Obviously some jobs are extremely tiring and some people are working 100 hour weeks etc, or very physical/stressful work, but not your average 9-5. I have known so many couples where the dad sleeps all night "because he has to go to work", as if the mum is just relaxing all day...

y y Weebairn. There is the physical side to baby care. But is also so unrelenting and emotionally draining. I went back to work in a very stressful office job at 11 months when DD1 wasn't sleeping and found those days no harder than the home days.

It's all open to being flexible though isn't it. I'm assuming at the moment that I'll be able to nap during the day - I'm a good napper - but it might not work that way. On paper the way we've decided works best, but we'll see. I also don't want to breastfeed for very long, which will obviously change who needs to be in with the baby. I'm genuinely more worried about dealing constantly with a tired grumpy other half, than I am with a baby. He's a total nightmare with sleep.

My husband has never slept in another room. He, myself and all of my family (inc 3 brothers), were disgusted when his mother (who didnt get up in the night with him as a baby), told dh he should sleep in another room so that he had plenty of sleep.

I breastfed initially and (in the first 3-4weeks) i would feed then wake dh for winding/nappy changes, whilst i went back to sleep. The baby himself only ever disturbed dh sleep if i was having trouble settling him, so dh helped me then too. The rest of the time he stayed asleep.

DH has also thankfully always understood a sahm with a newborn has a far far harder job than a normal working parent, especially one who does 9-5 even if it is a high pressure (and requires high concentration levels) job like his.

So no i dont think its right for the other partner to go to another room because they already have the easy job (unless hes working seriously long hours - like 70+). Perhaps as a one off, very occasionally but then id be hoping youd return the favour on a weekend, perhaps by allowing mom to have a lie-in.

You will both probably find it impossible to sleep with baby in another room. Also that snuggle thing could become useless as young as 9weeks (my ds could roll himself accidentally at that age). I used a moses basket initially and then his travel cot in the lounge after that.

Goats - absolutely, it is about choice. I just wanted to flag that I think it's dangerous to go into parenthood thinking that the mother's sleep is more 'expendable' than that of the other parent. Different practical set ups work for different people (e.g. if you can nap in the day), but the underlying proposition ought to be "I have as much right to support as you do".

He might surprise you goats. My DP has always slept loads - 10 hours a night like the dead - but since he has become a dad he's been up in the night many many many times and just functions on a lot less sleep now. He's still a grumpy arse in the morning mind…

I found working with a baby a real killer (I went back at 10 months) but I do shift work on my feet, including night shifts, and it's all quite stressful, so it is a bit of a different thing really. Since I went back to work DP has done far more of the night time wakings than I do (even though I was still bf) - I do more of the early mornings I guess but we also recognise my work is just a lot more tiring than his. But it's all about remaining flexible and supporting each other and I agree with Penguins (and have seen it many times in couples) - don't start with assumptions that men's sleep is somehow precious. You both need to be open to have the conversation "I am not coping, I need some help" and I think part of that is recognising how tiring looking after babies can be.

Hopefully you will all have dream babies who sleep 12 hours a night from 6 weeks (I had one of them until about 5 months, haha)

We have a similar setup and have (almost) decided on a Snuzpod to co-sleep for first 6mths; top comes off to make a bassinet for use in rest of flat and can be used as a stand-alone crib too so plan to use it to get baby used to sleeping in own room when time comes (if still fits). Also rocks and has storage space under for night changes - am hoping not to have to get up much in the night.

We'll also be using separate bedrooms for the first few months - hubbie needs his sleep for work (yes, so do I but it's best one of us gets sleep than neither of us).
I'm planning on moving in to the baby's room from Sunday - Thursday and then Fri, Sat we sleep together and hubbie will pick up his share of baby duties.
For the time being I think I will delay getting a nursing chair as I think I will do need feeds in the bed in the baby's room - but once I move from the baby's room I'll get a second hand chair as I hear they are definitely worth it.