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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

38 weeks and very upset with DH

16 replies

mendelli · 16/08/2014 13:47

I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant, feeling unwell, huge and uncomfortable, which is standard I know. To top things off DH has really upset me and I'm not sure what I can do...

Last night he went out drinking with a friend, and although he told me he would not be late, it was 2.30am before he stumbled home, absolutely hammered and a total state. This woke me up and it was impossible for me to sleep again, so I wasn't thrilled. This morning he couldn't remember anything...

As I was picking up all his dirty clothes from the bedroom floor this morning, I grabbed his white work shirt and the collar was absolutely covered with pink lipstick and orange foundation. I couldn't believe it, I was almost too shocked to get upset, I just asked him what it was. At first he denied it was make up, then he admitted it was, but said a girl had basically jumped on him and he'd left the club straight away and come home as he didn't feel comfortable. It's obvious that this girl must have been practically stuck to his neck to leave these kind of make up stains. I've never been the type of wife who tells my DH what to do...I've always trusted him and he goes out without me, and since I've been preg has been on numerous holidays without me also. I just don't know what to think now, and feel really alone and don't know who to turn to. I don't want to tell family / friends as they will think less if him, and our first DC is due in only 2 weeks, so I feel I have no option but to sweep it under the carpet and carry on anyway...

Sorry this is such a long post, thank you if you read it all x

OP posts:

HappySunflower · 16/08/2014 13:50

I'd be telling him to pack his things and find somewhere else to stay for the next few nights.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 16/08/2014 13:52

Id feel the same as you - I dont tel DH what to do or not, and trust him. And would be totally floored if I found this.

Id confront. Sit him down, ask him to tell.me everything about last night and ask him to hand his phone over for me to look at.

WaffleWiffle · 16/08/2014 13:54

Ask him to consider what would have happened if you went into labour last night?

OhBabyLilyMunster · 16/08/2014 13:59

Bags packed. Absolutely disgusting.

Mmolly2013 · 16/08/2014 14:00

That is definitely not innocent. It's a hard situation to be in, I would pressure him for an answer state you don't believe him. Was he with anyone you know that you could ask what he was up to.

PotteringAlong · 16/08/2014 14:02

Why has he been on 'numerous' holidays without you since you've been pregnant? Has he always been away without you or is this a new thing?

3littlefrogs · 16/08/2014 14:05

Numerous holidays without you since you have been pregnant?
This is not normal or acceptable behaviour.
He is just taking you for a ride. How disrespectful. That is not how you treat someone you love, who is your life partner and is expecting your child.

Smartiepants79 · 16/08/2014 14:11

Well it is going to come down to how much you really do trust him.
If you do then you will have to believe his version of events. The makeup thing is a bit if a separate issue really, its a possible scenario that I've seen happen on nights out. Has he ever done anything before to make you question him? If not I'd make him understand just how bad it could look and that he needs to avoid such situations in the future.
I'd be having a serious chat about how much you need him right now, you are relying on him and need him to grow up and be responsible. No more lads nights out until after the birth.
Hopefully it was just one last fling before the baby arrives.
My DH did something similar (not the makeup bit) but was there for us 100% once our Dd came along.

Gen35 · 16/08/2014 16:06

Sorry you're going through this. Not sure what I'd do in you shoes I'd certainly be livid though, awful behaviour. Is he abjectly sorry or does he have a pattern of reacting crossly and minimising your concerns? The coming home late when he said he wouldn't is disrespectful and unacceptable too...

allisgood1 · 16/08/2014 16:13

It could have genuinely been innocent, you don't know. If it was my DH I would believe him. It's the numerous "holidays" without you that would make me suspicious about it if I was in your shoes. Do you trust him? I'm sorry you're going through this, it's really crap timing

Maalia · 16/08/2014 16:29

Makeup on the collar and numerous holidays when you are pregnant would land my DH with an immediate eviction order. He is abusing your trust and needs to understand the consequences. Appreciate you are feeling vulnerable but now is not the time to sweep it under the carpet. You are about to give birth to his offspring and deserve the utmost respect and consideration. Tell him to pack his bags, and go and stay with family. They don't need to know the details if you are concerned about their opinion of him. Give him a week to stew over it, and meet him then. He needs to know what path this kind of behaviour might lead down to.

WhyOWhyWouldYou · 16/08/2014 19:39

I think if you brush this under the carpet now the "what ifs" will fester. As you do normally trust him i would sit him down and tell him you want the whole truth now and if you ever find out hes lied hes out. Get yourself the truth, then make decisions. This could truely be an innocent thing, or he could have just kissed her, or he could have gone further - you need him to be honest (and for you to believe its an honest answer), so that you can decide what to do.

JennyBlueWren · 16/08/2014 21:46

I would trust my DH to go away without me -although he doesn't much I do go away by myself, and sometimes with male friends, although always invite him. He's not one for nights out though and certainly not late but if he did come home with lipstick on I'd be annoyed but would probably believe his explanation unless there was some other evidence against.

Personally I don't think you should make him leave, even temporarily, but should talk to him about it and how it can make it hard to trust someone and the need for honesty, but if you continue on with marriage and baby together don't keep wondering! Put it behind you.

Don't think he should be going out that late in your pregnancy either! Is he otherwise being a good dad-to-be?

Elizabeth120914 · 16/08/2014 21:55

I'd be fuming! What if u needed to go to hospital and he has 'forgotten' the birth of his child??

My OH can be a total nob but going out drinking now I'm 36 weeks is banned let alone at 38.

I trust mine but the make up would have made me flip completely. Sounds totally selfish. So sorry you are having to go through this id give him hell and he best be on his knees whatever the excuse x

MultipleMama · 16/08/2014 22:22

I agree with JennyBlueWren.

DH would let me go on a girls holiday without him so why should it be any different if he was to go without me. Especially if I was pregnant and didn't want to fly. I'd tell him to go have fun but keep it in his pants .

I've seen girls, mainly drunk girls, throw themselves at DH (who doesn't even drink) for a hug and because they do get their head near his shoulder he sometimes does end up with make-up and lipstick on his shirt from where they've tried to steal a kiss. He's always brushed them off and showed them his wedding ring before pointing to my glaring face. DH has also gone past the agreed time because he was having fun or waiting on transport. And I would never check his phone like a controlling wife. It's his personal phone, I have no business wanting to check it if I trusted him unless he goes on mine. Although we do use each other's phone anyway.

I'd be inclined to believe your DH but I'd sit and talk to him. Ask how his night went etc and then casually mention the make-up. I would have a going out ban though now your 38 weeks!

Smartiepants79 · 16/08/2014 22:46

Just to add, remember you are very hormonal and emotional right now.
You may react in a way that you wouldn't normally.
Unless there is abuse in a relationship or some kind of proven infidelity I would caution against making any life changing decisions right now. You may regret it when you're more 'yourself'.
Make sure he knows how much he has upset you but unless you know something we don't I would let him earn his way back into your good books.

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