Preference of a gender / gender disappointment

[Mammanat222]

Hi,

Just wondering if anyone has any experience of this?

I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I do have a preference this time round and as time is building this feeling is getting stronger.

I genuinely didn't care at all last time, we didn't even find out until the day I gave birth.

This time (much to my eternal shame) I feel very differently.

Any experiences / non-judgemental advice?

(Of course it goes without saying that regardless of gender my baby is loved and wanted and we will be thrilled to have another addition to the family. Baby's health and well-being is the most important thing to me)

TIA

I think it's fine to have a preference as long as you can deal with the fact that you might not get what you want.
With ds I wanted a girl, got a boy
With dd I wanted another boy and got a girl.
This time round I wasn't really bothered and am having a girl.
I wasn't disappointed with any of them. Although I still have a really strong feeling that the boy I kept dreamingof when pregnant with dd is still 'waiting' and I'm the least woo person ever.

The main reason we are finding out this time is because I do have a preference, so there will be plenty of time to get used to it.

I started off really not minding but as the weeks have progressed I realise that I really do want to experience a child of both genders.

I know it is so ungrateful - as someone who has had 4 losses it almost disgusts me that I feel this way - BUT I can't help how I feel.

In almost every respect it would be so much easier to have another boy. We wouldn't have to worry about space as much, or spend too much money as we already have everything from DS, plus my son is amazing and to have another little "him" running around would be such a blessing. BUT I must confess I want a daughter. I want to know what it feels like?

Gah, it is selfish and I am all but convinced baby is another boy (was like 99% convinced with my son, I'd say I am about 75% this time)

Just wanted to put it out there I guess? See if it's normal and / or acceptable to have these feelings

I wanted a girl. Really really wanted a girl and had mentally created a picture in my mind of my baby girl. I felt guilty that I such a definite preference. I spoke to my fab best friend who already had children who told me that when the baby was born, it wouldn't matter and the hormones etc would kick in and I would love him/her no matter what. She was right of course as you know!
HOWEVER, she did advise (and I would pass on same advice to you) that as I had such a strong preference, I should find out way before the baby was born so that I had time to 'deal' with my emotions while I was only slightly mad due to pregnancy hormones not 'just given birth' emotional. I did - it was a boy. I cried ......a lot ...... but got over it. Mentally replaced the girl I wanted with the boy I got and by the time he came, all I wanted was him.

I think this is surprisingly common.

I always imagined having boys. All my life, little daydreams about the future, I had three (ha! like that's ever going to happen) strapping boys.

When I fell pg I had a gut feeling it was a girl, and decided to find out at the scan because I was a tiny bit worried that I might have a moment of disappointment if it was a girl, and I thought I'd rather have that disappointment at 20w than at their birth.

She was a girl - and I wasn't remotely disappointed when I found out, despite what I imagined.

Now I have a daughter I can't for the life of me imagine having a son, and if we have any more, I can imagine being just as a mildly thrown if it is a boy!

You know you will love your baby exactly the same when they are born and this will mean nothing - so don't feel bad about it.

I only ever wanted one child so I was disappointed when I was told a boy. I burst into tears in the sonograpers room :(

But when he was born I was happy. I agree find out at the scan that way if it's not the result you want you have time to prepare.

I'm pregnant and I want a girl. It's

Sorry phone error! I don't think there's anything wrong with a preference only natural! I wanted a boy first time round and got a girl, this time I want another girl. Whatever happens like you said it's still your baby and you will love them x

I have a DD, when I found out I was PG this time I immediately thought I wanted a boy. The 12 wk scan was late, and I asked the woman doing it to show me the nub (which I understand at 14 wks is about 90% accurate) and it directs to a girl. The minute she said it looked like a girl, I immediately changed my mind and thought how lovely it would be to have another girl. I will be somewhat shocked next week if I am told it is a boy, but I am guessing my mind will just change back again if so.
I think its very natural to initially see yourself with one or the other.

don,t worry when the baby is born .you forget about it .after a few seconds .i have 3 sons .and my hubby really dissapointed not me him that the last one not a girl .but he got over it .he just imagined daddy,s princes and taking her up the aisle one day but well it passes .

I confess first time I would have preferred a boy, although now DD is the absolute light of my life. This time I cried when I found out we were having a boy. Never happy, eh?

But it is mainly because I wanted to avoid having the same dynamic as my family growing up as there were some issues there and I wanted to break the cycle. I don't want to repeat my parents' mistakes or overcompensate for them iykwim? As it is, maybe I will just have to have three. That oughta do it

We have 2 dds (5 and 2yo). I'm starting to have strong feelings to get pg again (have been umming and ahhing aince Christmas) and if I'm honest, I would like to have a little boy. A dc3 would be our last baby and I would like to experience having a son.

A friend of mine had a boy after a girl earlier this year. Another friend is expecting a boy in December and I do feel pangs of jealousy? when I talk to them. The jealously bit might also be the pg/newborn thing, as after last time, I am scared of another struggle to get pg.

It took us 2y to conceive dd2. Pregnancy does not happen easily for me, let alone gender! I'm lucky to have 2.

I'm hesitating to get pg again for a few reasons; I am also concerned that I have a preference for a boy for a dc3. I think I'd be delighted to have another dd because we would have a group of 3 girls and like I said, getting pg has not been easy so far. But there is a part of me that would like some balance to the house and buy blue

I can see my unborn boy, I really can!

But if he doesn't come along, we most likely have 2 son-in-laws to welcome in the future

I had very strong preference for a girl and did get a bit obsessive, checking my scan pic against others, looking at symptom checker, Chinese gender predictor etc
It was all balanced out with huge guilt.

We paid for a gender scan at 16 weeks so I'd have time to adjust if it was a boy, I knew I'd have a wave of disappointment if I didn't know and really didn't want the special moment ruined.
Turned out she was a girl and naturally I was thrilled, the sonographer said that everyone has a preference even if it's only 1%, I'm now 10 weeks pregnant again and at first didn't mind but with each passing day in realising I would like another girl.

There's nothing you can do about your feelings, guilt won't help it will just make you miserable until you find out.

Thanks everyone, thought I was going mad.

I already feel very bonded to baby - we've had a few scans (due to previous miscarriages) and was low risk with all the screening which is a massive phew.

Have started feeling movement and am totally in love but yes this time I need to know. The moment I found out I had a son still brings tears to my eyes now, it was the most emotional moment of my life but I cannot let these feelings fester for another 20+ weeks, I need to know who is inside.

Was debating a private gender scan, to find out on my own [I haven't exactly told OH how I am feeling] but our NHS scan is pretty soon so I'll wait it out.

First time I really wanted a girl but didnt find out. when ds arrived I was so relieved we both survived in one piece (emcs) I was overjoyed with him.

Second time round I had a preference for a boy - mainly because I thought I knew what I was doing by then with boys! Although having a subsequent niece I realise it's not massively different.

My lovely mil though was desperate for a girl (to the point of buying girls clothes desperate) before we even knew the sex. We found out second time really for her so if it was a boy she could have 4 months of adjusting.

When we told her Ds2 was a boy her disappointment was audible on the phone and palpable even to the point of Christmas day she said that never mind we could try for a girl next time. We always said we would stop at 2, for practical, financial and emotional reasons (I am awful when pregnant) Bless her but mil went on for the reminder of my pregnancy and a good while after until my fab sil kindly told her to lay off.

I am so blessed to have my boys and gradually mil has come round to the fact she only has grandsons.

I fell pregnant when my girls were 16 and 8. I offered to find out the sex at the scan if they cared. I thought they would want a sister as previously they has said how cute to have a little sister. They didn't care so we didn't find out and I had a boy. He is now 3 and they keep saying how glad they are that he is a boy and me and my husband feel the same. I am sure that if he had been a girl, we would be saying how glad we are that she was a girl. If you do have a preference, then I think it's best to find out at the scan.

All I could imagine when I got pregnant was a little girl. I think because all I could think of was my own childhood, what I was like etc. so I strongly imagined a girl just like me and looked at little girls things. Found out at scan it was a boy, and if took me a couple of weeks for it to feel real and for the little girl to fade away. Now I just crave my little boy and can't imagine him any other way. (Here's hoping we aren't in the 2% of wrong gender category!)

With my first I really wanted a girl but had a feeling it was a boy and he was, when he was 10 months old he was diagnosed with a life limiting genetic condition he's 2 now.

I'm pregnant again and can honestly say I didn't care at all this time I think because of everything we've been thorough it made me see things differently. I'm having another boy :)

Im a mum of 2 boys and currently 11wk with no3. Im not ashamed to say I was disappointed previously when I found out I was having a boy both times I didn't speak for days, however I got my head round it and now wouldn't change them for the world. I'm due to find out what no3 is in 5wks surprisingly I'm not bothered either way this time as long as it's healthy. As my hubby has 4 brothers I'm expecting/prepared for this one to be a boy too although a little girl would be amazing.
Don't feel guilty if your upset by what you're expecting it takes time to get used to something different that you've dreamt about but be assured that when baby arrives you'll forget all your worries and you'll absolutely adore your baby x

I didn't care with dc1 it turned out a boy thistime I was so sure it was another boy (my partners family is full of them no girls born in for 40 years) but its a girl it took a long time to get used to but I'm happy

I think it's totally normal. I wanted a girl ( and did get one second time round!) but I think finding out at the 20wk scan the first time gave me time to get excited about having a boy. I think if I had found out at birth I would have been disappointed where as when I knew and had time to process it I wasn't.

I'm really ashamed to admit how upset I was when I found out I was having a boy. I absolutely know the reasons why I wanted a girl, it's my desire for that mother/daughter bond which is pretty non existent between my mother and me - she shut down emotionally on me after I was born at 31 weeks and she couldn't cope an then my brother who is 3 yrs younger has a whole host of health issues she focused on, I'm not all woe is me, stuff happens!

Something inside me knew it was a boy and so I looked for every little sign I could in the weeks leading up to the scan that I was wrong and going to be pleasantly surprised. I could tell it was a boy on the scan before she told me and I put on a front for my OH who really didn't mind either way. I was upset for weeks and it took a long time to accept it, I imagined scenarios in the hospital where it turned out he was a boy and even now in shops I see little girls clothes and get a tiny bit upset I might never have a daughter.... But my son is freakin adorable and I feel hugely guilty now he's here that I wished he was someone else, especially when he spent time in the special care unit after he was born.

We really want another child but not for another 4 or so years and I know I feel the same again, possibly even more so because I do love the dynamic of an older brother/younger sister especially because my OH has two younger sisters and all three of them get on soo well. I'll definitely have to find out next time so I can come to terms with never having a daughter but I think I'll look at my son and get over it a lot quicker!

I think this is more common than people think, we just all feel guilty for it.

Completely normal. Dont feel guilty over it.

With my first pregnancy i desperatly wanted a girl, had dreams of girls and pink and a little brown haired toddler irl running about. All my family said i was having a biy and i made jokes about if baby was a boy id send him back. Found out at my 20 week scan that baby was a boy and at the same time he was severly ill and was dying. I still get upset that i wished him away and then he went. I didnt mean it at all i just always pictured a little girl. I kniw me making those jokes didnt make my son die but i still feel guilt over it. Two miscarriges kater and im now 18 weeks pregnant and as long as baby is healthy and happy i couldnt give a fuss.

But dont feel guilty overhaving a preferance. I think most people do. As soon as i learnt baby was a boy i was delighted but was ruined because he wasnt staying. But he was definetly loved for the beautiful boy he was x

I always imagined having a boy, but when I got pregnant I obsessively wanted a dark-skinned girl, I don't know why, to the point that when I was giving birth I didn't know how I would feel if I had a boy. As it was she was a dark-skinned girl, though she became lighter later on.