"I can't believe this is my life"

[FirsttimerG]

During (yet another) discussion about how unsupportive I am being of my partners diet (I don't think I am, I just have chronic heartburn and indigestion and hate thinking about food), my partner has just said to me "I can't believe this is my life."

Like I WANT to not fancy any food, or feel tired all the bloody time, or lug about an extra 2.5 stone all day, or not sleep due to acid reflux and toilet trips, or hobble about with SPD, not to mention the fact that I practically lost my eye (sight but they saved the eyeball) in march and I am still having operations to fix it.

I am so god damn upset - I need to be selfish right now but I am being made to feel terrible for it, so I've been making a massive effort and it is still not recognised. I am so down that my heart is physically aching. 9 weeks to go seems like such a long time too.
Why can't OH understand? I feel like a total freak to him and I can't do anything about it.

Wow. He needs to sort himself out. Why should you be looking after his diet? Is he incapable of looking after himself? What an idiot. Stop making the massive effort and start looking after yourself.

for you.

This is out of character for him, to be fair.

But he was out all evening with his mates playing car games, came in and played on his phone to the extent I had to say 3 times I was going to bed, had an argument with me and has spent the past 2 hours playing loud computer games. I can't sleep cos I am upset and stressed.

It's a bit difficult to work out the context of this argument but I'm sorry you're having a rough pregnancy and I'm sorry you feel unsupported. In the circumstances I don't think a decent partner would dare complain about anything to you.

you need to look out for number 1... he needs to fit around you. pregnancy is a time when you can 100% be selfish. if he doesn't like what you've made for dinner he can shove it and make some himself. focus on you and bubba. it's hard enough being pregnant with all the 'joys' it brings each new week and adding stress to it won't do any good for you or the baby. let him get on with whatever he's doing and you just focus on doing things for you. unfortunately he's being a man, but he will come around...
have a day out with some girl friends or go to lunch or go to your mums- have a moan, have a laugh and you will feel much better for it.

feel better soon x

Sometimes men need you to make it very clear to them that you are upset and why. It sounds like he's feeling sorry for himself and is thinking that as you're managing so much better just now (as you are trying hard to) you are ready to give him some sympathy. You've suffered a lot and it is hard to watch a loved one go through that so he'll have been hurting too. The problem is that you aren't the right person for him to go to for sympathy on this.

In the morning stay in bed (or if you are wanting to get up make sure you're really quiet and when he comes down you're lying on the sofa having a snooze) and when/if he questions it you can say "oh I couldn't sleep last night for worrying about that argument we had and how unhappy you are, and then I just lay awake listening to you play x" -remember they need to see it (if you're up and about and busy you're obviously not tired) and hear it. Not sure if you should mention the noise of the computer games as that can launch into another argument but might be worth adding into the reasons for being so tired -depending on the game I sometimes say that falling asleep to the sound of gunfire/ DH swearing gives me bad dreams.

He's in for a real reality check when the baby is actually born then!

You are having all the hardship now but no one can really prepare a couple for the intensity of having a newborn baby and it requires effort from both parents!

You need to have stern words op!

Feel v sorry for you, sounds a v difficult time you're having.

Sometimes I find it helps to spell out how you're feeling in black and white for your DP. My DH can be quite oblivious because it looks like I'm coping (I don't moan constantly like a man would). So sometimes I have to actually TELL him how shit it is. In detail. He still doesn't totally get it, but it stops him complaining/being selfish!

But he was out all evening with his mates playing car games, came in and played on his phone to the extent I had to say 3 times I was going to bed, had an argument with me and has spent the past 2 hours playing loud computer games.

How old is he, 12?

I'd be telling him to fuck off and sort his own food out.

Also, contrary to pp, this isn't him being a man, it's him being a selfish twat, not all men are the same.

Agree with all PP. He is about to be a dad: the least he can do is support you.

Both in practical ways i.e. cook his own food (since when would that be unreasonable even if not pregnant?), keep noise to a reasonable level at night etc'.
Also in emotional ways i.e. stop acting like him not being 'looked after' because you're pregnant and had an operation is a problem.
Maybe he is frightened that life will be very responsible from now on... regressing to a teenage child is not the way to deal with it.

I think DP's need a support group :) while from reading the post he seems to be dealing badly with the situation, however, I also know how 'all over the place' I can be when prego. While I want to ring my DH's neck, or cry my eyes out with how unsupportive or selfish he's being, I also have to take a step back and realise his world is changing too and he's got stresses too. That doesn't mean he gets off the hook ...we still have 'discussions', but they work out better when I've had time to moan my lot and sort through my expectations (not to him!) before we discuss.