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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Scan in a couple of hours... can't decide if we should find out gender

24 replies

katiegee · 05/08/2014 12:33

Just that really. We have a scan is later this afternoon and we can't decide if we should find out the gender or keep it a 'surprise'. We have no real preference either way - just for a healthy and happy baby in December.

Just curious if you found out? And why/why not?

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twiglet2 · 05/08/2014 12:41

I always thought i'd want it to be a surprise, but when I actually became pregnant I really wanted to know, but had no preference either way. My Husband was keen to know as well, so we found out at the 20 week scan.
The scan wasn't about us finding out the sex, but making sure everything was ok, but finding out at the end was lovely.
We're having a little girl and I'm really glad I found out as its lovely to refer to her as something other than it. We've planned a gender neutral nursery anyway, but my sister has passed on a lot of clothes from her baby girl.

Wishfulmakeupping · 05/08/2014 12:46

I didn't want to find out really my oh did and in the end we did find out- I'm glad we did it was right for is at the time.
If you're really insure maybe ask the sonographer to write it down? Then you can look in a weeks time if you do want to? Remember it's not 100% anyway though

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 05/08/2014 12:52

Is it your first? With my first I found out, was far too excited. I think for the next one I'll want it to be a surprise

Mmolly2013 · 05/08/2014 12:55

I found out for this baby it's my first. Me and dp were so convinced it was a girl before the scan so had to find out as it was killing me, turned out its a girl. Nice to be able to buy gender specific clothes and colours for the baby.

I might keep next one a surprise.

ChickenMe · 05/08/2014 12:58

I'd want to find out as I'd like to refer to him or her. I don't like pink so a nursery would be neutral anyway colour wise.

Thurlow · 05/08/2014 13:01

I'm too nosy. The thought of waiting 40 weeks to find out something I could find out at 20 weeks was far too much for me! Luckily the sonographer and the scan were very confident what sex it was.

It was reasonably useful to know what to buy in advance, but I mainly liked knowing because then we gave the baby a name, and what felt to me like an identity. I know a lot of people wait until the baby is born to name them but we named our baby then. It's not like we would have used the name for another baby had anything tragically happened. I liked that she had her name while I was still pregnant.

Wellwellwell3holesintheground · 05/08/2014 13:03

It's a surprise whenever you find out. I didn't for any of my three but go for it if you want - I would only be wary of other people having an opinion on you finding out but as I typed that I realised everyone asked me why I hadn't found out...

schopenhauer · 05/08/2014 13:05

We found out, also due in December. My DH says it all feels more real to him now, which is nice for him to feel that connection. I am also pleased to be able to think about girls names and later on, to buy girls clothes etc (though not necessarily all pink)! Our sonographer wasn't 100% sure as she was moving about so much! But I also thought it was a girl so was nice to have it pretty much confirmed

twiglet2 · 05/08/2014 13:08

our sonographer asked about 5 times if we wanted to know at various points in the scan, just to make sure. If she hadn't told us though I would never have guessed - I struggled to work out which bit was which during the scan :)

Heatherbell1978 · 05/08/2014 13:09

I found out. Makes it easier to refer to the baby as a he rather than it...and we were also keen to get everything organised, nursery and clothes wise. You can get gender neutral stuff but a lot of it is really bland (and white!). I feel it's helped us to bond with the baby too as we're able to have discussions about what we hope for him as he gets older.

Mistyautumn · 05/08/2014 13:25

My DH and I were sooooo indecisive re this. We ended up going in to the scan with the attitude that if baby was obliging and had things on show then we would find out. but if bubs wasn't in a position for us to find out then so be it, we weren't meant to know.

I ended up having 3 anomaly scans because we couldn't see her heart. At all 3 we were told it was a girl as she massively had her bits on show!!!!

Purplehonesty · 05/08/2014 13:34

I found out because I already had a boy and so wanted a girl this time. If I was going to have another boy I wanted to get my head around it before he was born! I would have loved him obviously but had such a yearning for a daughter!
But dd was there on the scan

Redling · 05/08/2014 14:03

We found out as I liked the idea of having a midway treat in the pregnancy! I also like thinking of my little boy in there. The sonographer showed us how he knew he was a boy on screen but tbh I just nodded, it didn't look like bits to me but I'm not trained :)

mum2be91 · 05/08/2014 14:29

We really weren't bothered about the gender of the baby and had no practical reasons to find out as we both like colourful unisex clothes and baby stuff anyway, but we chose to find out because we thought if it doesn't matter, then why actively avoid finding out? When DP checked his phone straight after the scan he had several texts from MIL and SIL asking what it was and got annoyed with DP for starting the conversation by saying that we were happy that the baby was healthy as obviously the sole purpose of the 20 week scan is finding out the gender. After that experience, I am definitely happy we found out as I really don't like the idea of having just given birth to a healthy, wonderful baby only to have to face people who really just want to know what's between our baby's legs. I personally can't see how the birth of our baby would be any less amazing because the gender won't be a surprise.

cailindana · 05/08/2014 14:35

I found out for both of them because I hated saying "it," I must preferred referring to the baby as "him" or "her" and giving them a name. If you do find out though be prepared for people to be a bit sneery about it. I told everyone what we were having straight after the 20 week scan and some people looked a bit disgusted as though I was telling them something really intimate and others said "Oh it spoils the suprise!" Eh, feck off negative nellies!!

MrsHoolie · 05/08/2014 14:36

1st baby- too excited to wait!

2nd baby-had a surprise.
It was amazing to have the surprise I have to say.

duvetfan · 05/08/2014 14:45

We didn't find out last time or indeed with this pregnancy. It was a lovely surprise and looking forward to another surprise. I am so impatient though I just can't wait to see if I am right again. It's totally up to you. Good luck.

Blu · 05/08/2014 14:46

We chose not to know.
I felt there was a real difference between being pregnant and having a baby, in a way that I can't quite explain. And I didn't want to project things on to someone I hadn't met. The exact opposite of Heatherbell.
But I can't see that therre are any rights and wrongs, people should just do what suits them best.

kitkat321 · 05/08/2014 14:49

We found out - I don't like surprised and we've got so much going on around the time the baby is due (moving house 6 weeks before and staying with parents just now) that we figured it would help us get organised.

We were both sure it was a boy but were amazed to be told it's a girl. I like being able to call her "she" now as opposed to it - I think it's helped me bond with her and now we only have one set of baby names to argue over!

liesal79 · 05/08/2014 15:40

Wow! Congratulations - I have my 20 week scan on Thursday and am finding out what I am having! :) But am more anxious that everything is going to be ok! :)

wfrances · 05/08/2014 15:45

we didnt want to know on all 4 of our dc
we,re pretty old fashioned ,no baby showers, no prams in the house until baby home ect..
its a personal choice

PresidentSpreadable · 05/08/2014 15:56

I'm 22 weeks and we decided to keep it a surprise. The suspense is unbearable, but also exciting!

Whenever I watch OBEM, or even when my brother & partner were expecting my nephew, it felt a bit anti-climactic, to know a) what sex it was, and b) be certain about the name.

You can get most things in life instantly these days, we are quite enjoying the mystery. I'm looking forward to MrPres being the one to tell me if it's a boy or girl as well.

Original poster

katiegee · 05/08/2014 20:32

thanks for your replies, I always think it's interesting to hear people's reasons for finding out. or waiting. In the end, baby didn't want us to know... s/he was lying awkward with legs crossed... oh well, a nice surprise in December! And I guess it is one of the few true surprises in life.

OP posts:

Happyringo · 05/08/2014 20:43

We didn't find out, and don't think we will this time either...no reason really, I think for me I find it a bit of extra motivation during labour to hurry up and find out!

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