Feel like I'm going to lose everything:'(

[StillinShockAhhhhhhh]

Long story short mine and my husbands relationship has been a bit of a whirlwind married livng together and pregnant all in the space of two years. Before the pregnancy we genuinely were the happiest couple I know.literally just us against the world nothing could phase us. We had a very active sex life and were experimental to say the least. Bringing us to now... I'm 12 weeks pregnant and literally don't feel like me anymore the thought of sex sends me instantly into panic and puts me almost immediately into a bad mood. If my husband touches me in anyway other than a hug my stomach turns and just feel like I'm completely pushing him away. He has expressed on numerous occasions he feels unloved and unwanted and often comments how I prefer time away from him than with him. I hate this as we were so close before. To top it off he watched 9 months later on TV the other day and all the parents were saying how they are close to splitting up sex life non existent no bond between each other other than the baby. I don't want us to be 'that couple' that is fine until children and then it's all over divorced and I'm a single parent. Please tell me it gets better.

It's probably the hormones, in a couple of weeks you should start getting more energy and will be in the mood again

It does get better. A lot of people don't enjoy sex in pregnancy. Besides, you're still quite early and if you're anything like me, it's only in the second trimester that you start to feel better.

I had one pregnancy where I did enjoy it and one where I just could not be bothered. As soon as I had the baby though it came back really quickly and despite the chaos that a new baby can bring, we were really happy and bonded.

It's now they're older we struggle! They can stay up later than me.

It's just getting me down ATM I do t feel like me atall. Everything just feels like such an effort, cleaning, washing up, work, cooking I just cannot be bothered to do anything which is really unlike me

I haven't seen that TV programme but I can tell you it probably hormones. I've been pregnant 3 times and each time I've gone off sex and dh for - and here's the bad news- pretty much the entire pregnancy. It obviously caused problems the first time especially before I knew I was pregnant and the smell of him made me sick but once we got to the bottom of it he understood. It wasn't anything wrong in the relationship, we are in fact very happy despite never sleeping ever.

Atleast it's not just me. Husband has severe self confidence issues at the best of times but this just seems to be pushing us apart.

My dh needs physical contact to feel secure... Not necessarily sex, but cuddles and kisses etc. I can't stand the thought of sex during pregnancy but I make sure I compensate with extra hugs, hand holding, cuddles on the sofa etc. Seems to work for him...

Can't have sex due to blood thinners causing bleeding (which would mean a trip to hospital every time as I'm high risk). My DH and I have been through a hell of a last 2 years, actually this has made DH better at understanding a few months with no PIV sex isn't the end of the world.

True closeness means sometimes the fella has to take one for the team (or take none for the team rather). There really isn't a problem with not wanting to have sex at times when you are pregnant and it doesn't mean you don't care for him. The media (and some on MN) think you can't have time without sex at all but if that is all you have... well IMO it isn't a marriage-type relationship. There must be more and there must be give and take.

Sit down and talk to him about this. It is a serious matter: but he has to understand that pregnancy is going to affect your body for at least 9 months... and then a few weeks/months after that. Yes, physical side is important: but does he realise even the most straightforward birth puts your bits out of action for a few weeks - up to months if there are stitches/complications.
Abstaining then (and, whenever in pregnancy, you feel unwell) doesn't mean you love him less: however undue pressure on you at this time IMHO shows a lack of understanding and respect.

Thing is we normally are so happy but this is just taking everything good at the moment. DH says he understands buy as pp said still occasionally get little moans/jokes. And I can see it in his behaviour and tone of voice that it's getting to him.

Hell yeah, I hear you. I have had periods of feeling exactly the same - I had no idea how much being pregnant would take away 'me'. I've heard my boyfriend telling a mate he doesn't think we should have more than one kid because I'm just so different that he doesn't feel he can do it again. To which I half felt sorry for him, half felt like kicking him in the nuts - HE doesn't feel he can do it again? All he's had to do is have less sex but more blowjobs instead, how dreadful for him (please note sarcasm). What we found particularly hard, was the things that we'd do with each other to 'test the water' for sex, things like nipple stuff or snogging, I just couldn't do - nipples and boobs too sore, and he smelt AWFUL to me so I didn't want to kiss him that much. Weird.

At the moment I'm 32 weeks, and I'm back to not being interested in sex - the first trimester was bad, but I tried hard to be in the mood a couple of times a week (it actually made me feel a bit better afterwards - like I was 'me' again for maybe 10 minutes), second trimester was fine really, sort of back to normal even if less energetic, third trimester I ache all over... the last thing I want to do is be poked with a penis. I talked with him about it and just said sorry, take my word for it, it's just as frustrating for me. His attitude has changed as things have gone on, from being a bit peed off about it, to just accepting it and doing more wanking!

Be prepared to feel a bit 'not like you' for a long time though - it's been the overwhelming feeling of my pregnancy. I spent the first four months basically grieving for my old self and life - lots of anger. These days I have the odd day a week when I still feel like that - now it's less anger, more random crying - but most of the time I've just come round to it and am actually looking forward to meeting this kid, and especially to having the chance of feeling back to 'normal'. Well, 'normal + kid and less sleep'. We're actually looking forward to parenthood.

A book I read which I thought was good for blokes was called Fatherhood by Marcus Berkmann, tells it like it is. Another one, intended for women, but short and snappy to read was a Kindle book called something like 'The Smart Girl's Guide to Pregnancy' - lots of truth written in an amusing way. Try him on those!

It sounds like you and your DH have a really strong relationship - don't forget that. It's easy to get overwhelmed with everything changing, especially in the first trimester when your hormones are everywhere, but you have to trust your relationship a bit and not doubt that you will get through this.

Sex is just one part of your marriage, and, if you're anything like us, it'll be put on hold for 9 months... Sorry : ( but I've been amazed talking to other pregnant friends how common this is. It feels like everyone whose pregnant feels super feminine and sexy (thanks for that, celebs) and I'm sure some women do, but we had a very long discussion at NCT the other day about how actually none of us had done it for months... What I mean is, what you're feeling is very normal.

What's important now, then, is that you find other ways to keep the intimacy between you. For some, this is physical contact. we've found this harder and harder to keep up too, because of the hot weather, the need to sleep in certain positions, swelling hands, even the fact that I've had to switch to the other sofa so I can keep my feet up. But really I think we're closer than we've ever been because I've shared EVERYTHING with my DH. He's never seen me so vulnerable or emotional and I've given him chances to support me like never before and that's really brought us together. As the pregnancy has developed it's brought us closer too: he sits and talks to or sings to the bump and we share the moments when he kicks him : ) it's completely new to us, but amazing.

So. I would say talk to your DH as much as possible. Let him know how you're feeling and be totally honest. Give him permission to talk to other dads to be so he can see you're acting normally. I'd also recommend the fatherhood book by Marcus berkmann - my DH loved it and totally got pregnancy after it. And trust that pregnancy doesn't last forever and that at the end of it you will be different but still ok.

Good luck!

Don't worry, it's totally normal!
Also congratulations!

I have been a huge hormonal mess this pregnancy. Poor DH has had to deal with a lot of rage & tears.
He is stressed about DC2s arrival and I want him to show me some love in the hope of encouraging things but I won't push him it really wouldn't help matters
But on the other hand I have had weeks where I have been super horny it's all swings and roundabouts and hormones I'm afraid. Be kind to yourself and talk to your DH. He might not understand all of it but keep him in the loop with how you're feeling.

we've found this harder and harder to keep up too, because of the hot weather

Yep, us too. We're in separate bedrooms!! It's GREAT. We always go to bed together, then one of us gets up and pushes off to the spare room. Last night was actually the first night we've had a whole night in the same bed in about two months. I was surprised to find him still there when I woke up. Seriously though, you've got to laugh about that a bit rather than being horrified. We have this shouting across the hallway thing in the morning 'Are you doing home or away cuddles this morning?' - keep up the touching, it's really important.

He's never seen me so vulnerable or emotional

That too - me and my boyfriend had been together less than 2 years when I got pregnant. It was kinda planned (I'm 40, we didn't have much time to dither about children) - we'd only living together 6 months, and were still in the honeymoon phase, but he'd never seen me cry for a reason other than a film ending, so when I totally lost it at 9 weeks because I just felt so rubbish, it was a bit of a test of the whole relationship really. He was ace, I was a ball of snot and gibbering! So I agree about it making you closer... even if physically further away.

It's really important to remember that it's ONLY TEMPORARY. And if you are married, or have decided to have children together, then this certainly won't be the worst thing you have to get through together. Depressing thought though that is...

Thank you for all the replies x is definately a relief to know we are not the only ones. Will get him a copy of the books suggested as so far everything he's read/looked at just paints it really negatively and that everybody splits up never gets bk to normal etc x we had a long talk about it and I've tried to get my feelings across whilst listening to his, his main concern being we will get so used to not having sex anymore that it will become normal and he will totally disassociate me with any kind of sexual activity x

I had the same concern as your husband, OP, and asked mine about this just the other day. He laughed and said, "are you kidding? It's been so long, as soon as we're ready I'm going to be all over you" : ) you're going to be in a very different place 9 months from now, but so will he. He'll see you as this amazing superwoman whose given him the love of his life. What could be sexier??