For those who don't know gender

[Rosebud29]

Hi

I just wondered how my fellow bumpers who don't know what they're having refer to their babies? We've been convinced from the get go that we're having a boy (couldn't tell you why) so we have always said "he" and "him", though it makes me feel guilty if it's a girl. I don't like saying "it". We also call him Alien.

I worry that we've gotten so used to referring to Alien as a boy that we'll be almost disappointed if we have a girl. I'd be absolutely over the moon if it was a girl, I really would. It just worries me that we have sort of bonded with Alien as a boy. Does that make sense? Those who have already had babies, was this a problem for you?

No OP we didn't call him Dave, although it very nearly came to that when we couldn't agree on a name for him!

Now I look back I can't believe how certain I was he was a boy as this time I really don't know. Originally I thought girl now I think boy, all adds to the excitement!

Annbag-I had someone say to me they couldn't believe I didn't care enough to find out . I said to them I do care but after serious breathing complications with DS once he arrived it's not the main thing for me. I'll take a healthy breathing baby of either sex thank you as that's the most important thing I care about.

We use baby mostly, or sometimes he, she or it! Just depends really.

annbag I'm 35 weeks tomorrow and DH and I have had so many comments from people about how they can't understand why we wouldn't find out, and seem quite frustrated by it! Couple of friends have said you can't bond with a baby if you don't know the sex, which I've said is nonsense - this is my 4th, we've never known the sex and I've never struggled to bond. I just say that I just want a healthy baby, I really don't have a preference to the sex. I really love the surprise at the end too

We just call the baby "baby" or "the baby" e.g. "This baby is kicking really hard!".

Most people seem to give me a look of approval when they ask me if I know what I'm having, I think it's fun to guess!

I can imagine dc2 being a boy or girl so I really don't mind!

Every week I look up an animal that's around the same size as the baby and it's referred to as that for a week. Last week it was Pocket Gopher this week it's Japanese Dwarf Flying Squirrel or 'The Squirrel' for short.

I agree with pp who said not knowing the sex is mysterious and abstract. I like it that way, and constantly updating the terms we refer to it means we haven't got a set way of thinking of it. I can't wait for The Squirrel to come and show us for themself who they are.

For various reasons we were convinced that dc2 was a boy. Given that dc1 was a boy, and dc2 might be our last, we went through mixtures of disappointment that we would never do girly things, followed by elation at the excitement of potentially having a household of boys. We still referred to dc2 as "it" (dh didn't like that), "them/they" (I didn't like that) or "Bump". I don't think we truly minded what we had, just that we were influenced by this conviction.

By the time Bump was born, we had come to terms with having 2 boys. Of course Bump turned out to be a girl. Just as much joy and delight from both of us as at the birth of dc1. Accompanied by the most bizarre regret that we weren't going to have our household of boys. It took a month or so to get over that, but did not affect our bonding with dd. We loved her and connected with her even faster than we had with her big brother.

Perhaps making sure to refer to unborn dc2 by gender-neutral terms helped, or perhaps you just fall in love with your baby - whatever you have.

We were sure we were having a boy. All our friends and family placed bets on sex, date, time and weight and they all said boy. We'd built up the idea of a boy in our heads, were really worried about the possibility of baby not being a boy, we'd referred to the bump as 'him' a lot.

When DD popped out, we cried with joy and realised that we couldn't imagine her not being a girl. She's now nearly 4 months old, and I can't imagine any different, it's hard to remember actually thinking she was a boy - it feels like in our minds, she's been a girl from the very start. :)

I wouldn't stress too much if I were you.

Sorry, Wednesday not Thursday

Ahhhh posted on wrong thread!!! Stupid baby brain!!!