Parents/Grandparents trying to time visits around due date.

[barmybunting]

Does anyone else live a fair distance from family (mainly parents/grandparents) who are planning to come to visit around the time of the birth? What are you planning to do in terms of the timing of it?

My parents live about 7 hours drive from us, and both work. PILs live in Ireland, so are a flight away and are both retired. DH is not going to be able to take paternity leave when the baby is born (military, the dates are a bit of an issue) so is booked to take his paternity leave 4 weeks after my due date on 13th November. This isn't an issue, and we knew this was likely to be the case with his job this year.

However, because of this, and also knowing how excited my Mom is (first grandchild on both sides) I had presumed my parents would be down at the first sign of labour, and whilst my Dad will need to get back to work after a week or so, my Mom's job is more flexible and she can take time off as she needs it without much notice, so I was hoping she would be here for a while before DH is off on paternity leave. DH's parents are coming over at the beginning of Dec for about 2 weeks because of various dates/events around then as well as the baby's arrival.

But my Mom is now saying she thinks she will tell work she will be off from 20th Nov for 2 weeks (1 week after my due date) and then head home after that. Maybe I am being silly, but this seems a bit daft to me given the baby may not even be here by then. We are happy for whoever to be here whenever they want really, and they do not all need to stay with us as we have access to free accommodation for them over most of Nov/Dec due to DH's job and where we live. I guess I just want my Mom here once the baby arrives and DH is back at work.

Am I being really silly? Am I more likely to want everyone to just go away when the time comes? I am just imagining being at home with this 2 day old baby, with DH at work and family and friends absolutely miles from us whilst DH is at work and feeling totally isolated/lost (we only moved here about 6 months ago and I haven't met many people yet as I have spent the last few months commuting 2 1/2 hours a day to work.).

Sorry, this is far longer than necessary!

Everyone is different, but I would not want my parents or PILs anywhere near my while I was in labour, however, I definitely needed someone with me once I got home with the baby. Essentially, what I needed was full maid service and cooking, etc; all I could manage was looking after the baby and working on breastfeeding. Everything else - from glasses of water to meals, and a bit of looking after baby while I used the loo or had a shower - required another person. For the first few weeks, this was my husband, and then my mother came when he went back to work.

It's true you may not have a baby yet by the time you're 40+7, however, your baby may also be born weeks before that.

7 hours is far, but not that far. Would you husband be able to be with you during labour? If so, I'd say you could just plan to tell your mother when you go into labour and she can start her journey soon after.

Cat, yes, I am similar in not wanting anyone else but DH with me when I am labour - it is when we get home with the baby that I am worried about as DH will have to be straight back to work and I do not want to be at home without another adult to help in those early few days. I know people manage perfectly well that way, but it is not what I want to do really. DH will be able to be with me during labour at least.

We had intended to just tell my parents when I went into labour, and they could start their trip down after that but for some reason this isn't what they want to do. I think I need to do some strong persuading, as you say the baby could be weeks early or 2 weeks late, there really is no way of knowing.

Sounds like you need to have a bit of a chat with your mum! She obviously had a newborn once herself, but a long time ago and people forget how hard it is. Share your worries about coping alone, and she'll probably see sense.

As my parents work in schools, they are a bit stuck as to when they come to visit. I am due Jan 23rd, DH will be able to take at least two weeks paternity, then mum is coming for Feb half term, the third week in Feb.

If baby is on time, that will give me two weeks between to panic and cry lots get used to being a mum, then mum will be here for a week to clean the pit I've been living in meet her first grandchild.

Mil lives up the road, but due to mental illness is not really with us at the moment. She may be better by January, but as that usually equates with being high as a kite, it might be easier all round if she's not here every other day.