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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

refused baby shower can I ask for other help?

18 replies

freedom2011 · 29/07/2014 09:47

I live in a town where I have few (actually only 1) friend. I've been to church a few times but don't really know anyone. The church ladies offered to organise a baby shower - first baby due In 2 weeks. For various reasons, not really my thing etc. I politely declined. Now my question is, is it cheeky/rude if next time I'm at church, assuming the conversation goes that way, to ask for other help after the kid is born and DH us back at work? Like an hour watching the child whilst I sleep. And if it's acceptable to ask, what should I ask for other than sleep breaks?

OP posts:

lynniep · 29/07/2014 09:51

I'm quite confused. You want free childcare from the ladies at the church because they offered to throw a baby shower? That seems very rude to me (unless they actually offer it)

RitaConnors · 29/07/2014 09:51

I would! Casually. I would say "it would be a big help if you could take the baby out for a walk in her pram so I can get a few jobs done. Or have a sleep"

People love having a go with a pram. Or maybe that's just me!

ohthegoats · 29/07/2014 10:00

I wouldn't ask for anything until the baby arrives. At that point they'll probably be falling over themselves to offer assistance - particularly as someone above says, if it involves a pram.

seasavage · 29/07/2014 10:33

I am sure you'll get to know your congregation over time and they sound keen to make friends. Perhaps suggest (as a shower isn't your thing) going for a coffee or ask for baby stuff shopping conpany to get to know them well enough to trust them with DC. Best wishes

squizita · 29/07/2014 11:34

I wouldn't chip in with the idea but I am sure someone will mention an offer of help - in which case of course politely accept! :)

MummytoMog · 29/07/2014 12:02

Good lord, you sound a teeny bit entitled. I would wait for people to offer. Also, I never understood this whole 'take the baby out while I sleep thing'. I wouldn't feel comfortable with some random taking my baby anywhere when they were little. If you're lucky, they will bring you food and offer to wash up when they visit, which is always nice.

In a slight segue, does anyone remember the 'cooking spreadsheet' one poster had, where people chipped in for making them food for like the first year or something. I mean, it's a baby, it's not a zombie apocalypse, you will still be able to do stuff.

Original poster

freedom2011 · 29/07/2014 12:20

excellent - thank you all for your comments - so if they offer - it is ok to accept/ask for them to watch the child whilst I sleep for an hour assuming I trust them. This will be really valuable as I have no one here.

OP posts:

Tortoiseturtle · 29/07/2014 12:24

Babies often sleep a lot. You should be fine without help.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 29/07/2014 12:25

Cant you sleep when the baby does?

Eatscones · 29/07/2014 13:26

If it is anything like my church, they'll be getting you gifts regardless of an actual baby shower once the little one arrives. As for asking someone to sit with your wee one while you sleep, it'd be good to get to know some of the ladies socially as you can and I'm sure some would be willing to help out as they can.

BeanyIsPregnant · 29/07/2014 13:31

My church do a two week meal rota, where someone will drop some food round every day for an evening meal for the whole family. It's really lovely as it's one less thing to think about, and your still getting veg and interesting homecooked food! Your church may have something similar, if not, I'd wait until the baby is here before you start asking for help..

Also, it might be worth baring in mind that you've only been to church a few times, they might not be comfortable being in sole charge of your dc because they don't know you that well..

weeblueberry · 29/07/2014 14:02

Cant you sleep when the baby does?

That's assuming you get a baby that sleeps in the day...

Stopmithering · 29/07/2014 14:51

Good luck with the birth, OP.
I'm sure you will be able to manage more than you think you will at the moment. I remember being pretty scared before my first child was born, but all will fall into place when he / she arrives.

It's lovely that the ladies at church have already offered you a baby shower ( don't actually like the concept myself but it was nice of them to offer)
I think it's a sorry state of affairs that you can't ask for advice on here without being accused of being rude and entitled.

I suspect that, once baby arrives, you will receive offers of help (and gifts) without having to ask. You may feel very protective and not want anyone near baby, or you may really welcome a sitter while you nap.
I would play it by ear when the time comes.

Original poster

freedom2011 · 29/07/2014 16:26

OP posts:

squizita · 29/07/2014 16:34

All of you wondering why FTM seem worried about sleep... check out the breast/bottle feeding and sleep boards. Full of tales of 1 hr sleep a day and nearly crashing the car/having a meltdown ... with quite stern comments (from a very very small minority of people but still) when they consider using formula or a routine. And MN is quite a sensible forum! Some others...

That's why I am a bit TBH. Most of my RL friends have 1-2 kids and are pretty laid back about how do-able it is, but on tinterweb it's like 'if you go out in the 1st 4 months it's a miracle and you're possibly a bad mum'.

Frontier · 29/07/2014 16:43

Of course op will cope if she has tout how much nicer to have a bit of help for her and baby to become more absorbed into the community. There are no medals for taking life harder than it needs to be.

I doubt you'll want to leave baby with people you don't know well in the first few weeks but certainly askfor what you need - i do firmly believe the adage it takes a village to raise a child and the more kindly adults involved the better. (for you and the child)

weegiemum · 29/07/2014 16:47

My church does a rota for meals for people who are ill, struggling, have new babies. It was brilliant when I became disabled! Hopefully they'll have something similar in place.

Squtternutbaush · 29/07/2014 16:52

Could you try make it along to church a bit more or arrange a coffee morning meet up?

You may find you're surprisingly protective over your baby and may not want virtual strangers taking him/her out or they may be reluctant if they don't know you very well.

Its also a good opportunity to get in amongst people and make new friends.

Do you have any mother and baby groups nearby? I went along to our local breastfeeding group and a baby group whilst I was pregnant just to get in amongst things and it was lovely when I managed to take DD along as everyone was so excited to meet her and hold her so I could drink a warm cup of tea :o

You may find you don't need help as you do get into a (loose) routine pretty quickly but if you find you struggle then take advantage of any help you can get regardless of what it is.

Anyway I'll stop twittering but in response to your original question I'd wait until help is offered (which it innevitibly will be!) rather than ask upfront, oh and congratulations!

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