Feel like i am losing my mind

[liesal79]

I feel like I need some help...or a slap! Let me start at the beginning.
I have suffered in the past from 1 mmc and 3 mc in the last 2 years. I am currently 18 weeks pregnant.
This morning, I woke up with severe anxiety and was having panic attacks, it was a bad one, as I could feel my chest tightening.
I phoned my midwife who very kindly let me have a reassurance scan, and everything was as it was supposed to be.

My friends and family seem to think im overreacting being worried and tell me to "chill out!" but that is so much easier said than done.

I have been referred today to a mental health place, but I can't help feeling this is a stupid way to feel.

I told my best friend today that I was going in, and she said "oh your lucky, they didn't scan me when I was bleeding" and her daughter is 9 months old - I don't feel lucky! I feel like a wreck!

Is this rational, or do I just need a slap!

'there is no should' a lesson my friend has taken from CBT. You are worried, acknowledging your fears is important to do when they are interfering with life they are problematic and help should be sought. You have been through a lot. Friends (unintentionally) make inappropriate comments. Go easy on yourself. Your reaction and experience are yours, don't waste energy worrying about how you should react. Get support to allow you to find positives and continue your usual life x

I am not surprised you feel worried given your past MCs and pregnancy hormones have a way of making rationality go out the window! Your midwife will hopefully understand both of these things and will not mind you calling or booking extra appointments for reassurance. At the end of the day, stress is not good for you or the baby and it sounds like you need to give yourself a break. Perhaps discuss a schedule with your midwife that would allow you to go in and have the baby's heartbeat heard, and your blood pressure checked. Give yourself some TLC and focus on making your body a healthy place to grow your baby. And good luck xx

Perenatal anxiety and PTSD like symptoms are TOTALLY NORMAL after repeat miscarriage. Honestly, no one speaks about it but it is actually one of the most common complications after 3 losses - more common than further loss by a long way! Are you identified as a recurrent miscarrier on your notes? Have you had any tests or investigations etc' (after 3 losses you are entitled to these on the NHS)?
Make sure someone notes your situationon the front of your notes- you are entitled to extra TLC and care and more importantly it stops people putting their foot in it and scaring you!!

So common are symptoms like ours that many hospitals (including mine) expect them if someone has that history. As in I had an appointment with the psych nurse booked in as standard to check I was OK. She gave some good CBT support which really helped. Sadly due to budgets and stigma not every hospital supports pregnancy after repeat or late loss with automatic assessment.

Personally I would shy away from just requesting loads of scans - these don't usually make the anxiety go, you just get massively hyped about every scan. Extra scans tend to be useful in the first 12 weeks, but after this it can lead to stress: I found CBT and the book "Coming to term" by Jon Cohen very supportive. Also the miscarriage association helpline.

There is also a thread for women pregnant after loss on this board - everyone there will understand. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2140166-Shiny-and-new-posifrickintivity-thread-for-pregnancy-after-miscarriage? We all have very similar nightmares and freak outs all the time!

Also: your anxiety will NOT hurt your baby so please don't be afraid of being afraid. This is a classic guilt cycle for women in our position, so I'm just mentioning it as it can get people in a right state.

18 weeks is a great place to be. The risks are very low now. Take the therapies offered - you won't be a surprise to them and they won't judge you ('this woman has lost several pregnancies and is very anxious about pregnancy' ... it sounds so logical, because it is) they will give you coping strategies and support.

Good luck. :)

PS> It's not your fault your friend's hospital were lax. Actually, she should have had a scan and probably doesn't realise this because it ended up OK for her - it's wonderful it wasn't a problem in the end but the reason women don't die of ectopics anymore is if they have pain/bleeding, the NHS should scan them. Don't feel guilty in any way about that.

I'm so sorry for your losses and that you are feeling so bad now.

I had recurrent miscarriages. My first pregnancy I lost at 14 weeks. The second resulted in dd1, who is now 11, and then I had ten early (4-8 weeks) miscarriages before having ds2. Since ds2 we have successfully had ds2 and dd2 and I have just discovered I am pregnant with dc5. My sister says I am the most fertile woman she knows, but it hasn't always been easy. I almost have up before having ds1, and actually went to adoption meetings.

It's normal to feel how you feel. Please be honest with your midwife. She should understand. And be kind to yourself.

Many people understand you so well because many have / are going through the same, for the very reason you are.
You're very normal. You are not overreacting.
Do take up the offer of help; mine was given towards the end of my pregnancy, with a view that we continue once the baby is here.
It's not going to be easy, and at times it won't be pleasant, but you will get through this. And it's going to be so so so worth it all in the end

Sorry to hear of your losses but congratulations on your pregnancy =) body is going through so much change that, even without your MC history, you should be allowed to feel what you are feeling and talk about it.

I had an early MC last year and was lucky enough to conceive again just one cycle later. I was in a complete panic and ended up spending money on 3 private scans for additional reassurance. Also mentioned it to my midwife (along with a big cry) and she booked me in for additional appointments which helped. Once I was feeling baby move regularly I stopped worrying as much and each week I look at positive stories about babies surviving and being perfectly healthy at that gestational age. I'm 34 weeks.

You are not losing your mind. You are doing an amazing thing that just so happens to completely take over every thought, feeling and movement you have. Be kind to yourself. Good luck Xc