Not wanting to tell people ... but can I avoid it?

[seasavage]

I am 9 weeks. (i had a previous mc at 9 weeks ish). DH wants us to go public with the news after the nhs12 week scan. But I really want to wait until 20 weeks
We excitedly told everyone important last time around and it was obvious that some of them struggled to accept that/ were approaching embarassed that we had been trying.
DH thinks it gives them longer to sort their heads out. Plus he wants to tell his very indiscreet mum.
I just want to have the summer not having to ratiinalise our decision to others as well not have to explain to disinterested people if i were to miscarry again.
Can you give reasons to favour either 12 or 20 week revelations?

If you don't think people will be supportive then I think you should wait as long as you want to tell. I think your dh should respect that, it us you going through the pregnancy and not him.

Pregnancy hormones make everything seem a lot worse and you really don't need negativity.

I've been very (over)sensitive to any perceived negativity about this pregnancy (no4) and my FIL and dad have both had the sharp side of my tongue!! For me though def not possible to keep it secret til 20 wks, I'm 20 wks now and have a v obvious bump!!

I felt I had to tell a couple of very close family members before the scan as they would have been the first people I needed if I had suffered a mc. Could that be why your partner feels the need to tell his Mum? If so I can kind of understand that. You should not have to go totally public though unless you are ready. I was tempted not to tell anyone at work to see who would crack first and ask me!

We told close friends and family early on (I.E, people that I would have trusted to have spoken to if anything we went wrong). We planned to tell people in general after the first scan but it was obvious I was pregnant really early on (constantly nauseous, and I had a mini-bump at 10 weeks!) and so my work colleagues started to guess and post stupid things on Facebook before we were ready, even though they knew it wasn't common knowledge yet. Was a relief to actually get the first scan out of the way in the end and just come out with it as I was getting nervous that some family and friends were going to find out via other people. I guess what I'm saying is you may find waiting to 20 weeks hard, as it depends how obvious it is that you are pregnant (and how discrete the people around you are). xxx

It's only DH and I that know. So noone is going to find out by accident. After last miscarriage I really don't think I'd tell anyone about another one. So i shall iinsist we wait as long as possible.