(TW: ED) Help! ED thoughts pecking my pregnant head

[lorriehearts]

I wondered if any other mums-to-be were going through this and whether it might be nice to have a supportive thread on the topic if so.

I had EDs and MH issues (anorexia, bullimia, depression, anxiety) throughout my teens and early twenties and, while they're currently at bay (as much as these things ever are), I'm getting really fixated on my weight again, weighing myself loads and being absolutely devastated by photos of myself - the only thing I can think is how huge and vile I look when, logically, I know I'm not "that big" (not that there's anything even wrong with being fat).

If anyone has any tips or resources to share to help keep me on track, I'd really appreciate it. Right now, I'm just focusing on eating varied, nutritious meals and ignoring the panic as best I can: I'm not at risk of bingeing or starving, but I'm thoroughly miserable!

I understand this and suffered before I was pregnant for many years. I worried about getting fat when pregnant. All I can say that I snapped out of it because I was carrying a life. One that I wanted to be healthy. It wasn't about me anymore and never will be again. That total realisation that I have responsibility for not just growing a human but looking after it - physically and mentally - for the rest of its life made me literally snap out of it. Of course I'll always worry about my ED, but there is no way in hell me ds will suffer because of me.

I know of a girl whose ED continued during her pregnancy and the tiny, tiny, sickly little baby she gave birth to was shocking in so many ways.

I don't mean to sound harsh, I really do understand how you feel as I have been there, truly, but it's not about your ED any more. Just think of your beautiful baby growing inside you and the life you want to give it. Good luck.

I sympathise, and it might be time to seek some counselling to help you through this. You may also need to think about what you do after birth. If you breastfeed, you will be insanely hungry, and it's worth thinking about managing that. Also, chuck your scales out, or at least hide them. You don't need them, they won't tell you anything useful and they're just making you anxious. Chuck them.

You know all about nutritious food and clearly you are eating well. There is some pregnancy weight gain that has nothing at all to do with what you eat - fluid retention etc. I think it's worth talking about your worries; here, or in real life or some other forum.

It isn't only about her baby TheOneandOnlyAlpha it is about lorriehearts too. Her wellbeing matters and should not just be brushed under the carpet and nor should she have to just "snap out of it".

lorriehearts unfortunately I haven't got any useful tips but please don't feel guilty about focusing on yourself or your needs and worries. You need to be in the best place you can be. It is most definitely about you too.

I hope you have lots of IRL support and know where to get help if you need it. Keep on top of your mental health, notice when you feel you're going downhill, and seek help. It's a scary time and I have really struggled with my MH issues since becoming pregnant. Take care of yourself

It's a time when you may understandably feel out of control of your body Lorrie, so many changes are happening, not just to your weight, which may give rise to the ED thought processes coming up again. Also contributing will be your increased appetite, which may be alarming, added to a heightened emotional state . It is all normal but I agree with pp who says to chuck your scales away - they have no constructive information whatsoever to tell you, weight gain in pg is different for everyone in terms of amount and times at which it happens, same as losing it afterwards.

Would it help to try to focus on listening to your body in terms of what you are really craving, getting better at identifying your true level of hunger/satiety? Really enjoy your food, especially as you can make the most of heightened smell and taste at the moment, but eat with pleasure and be alert to when you have had enough. This is something most of us would benefit from and if you can master it should enable you to feel more relaxed and trusting of your body, and work with it not against it. It will also stand you in good stead when your baby arrives and once again, your appetite may seem alarming to you.

I also agree that counselling is a very good idea if you are struggling.

While I appreciate you commenting, TheOneAndOnlyAlpha, I think you post is inappropriate. If it was possible to just "snap out" of EDs and MH issues, I would. I'm fully aware that I'm pregnant and responsible for my child-to-be, and I've pointed out that I'm not at risk of starving or bingeing. The baby's fine as - as I mentioned in my post - I'm eating a varied and healthy diet.

What I would like is to feel better in myself, rather than just feeling like incubating my very wanted baby is the be-all and end-all of my existence from now on.

You might not have meant to sound "harsh" but I found your comment, particularly your pretty graphic reference to your friend's poorly little baby, really upsetting and unhelpful, not to mention pretty patronising.

Thank you to other posters for the helpful advice - I think it might be time to turf the scales and, as sleepwhenidie points out, focus on really enjoying food while I'm eating it - perhaps a bit of mindful eating wouldn't go amiss, daft as it always feels.

peaceloveandbiscuits Thanks for the supportive post - I'm sorry you've struggled with something similar in the past, and that you're now really queasy - I had a really, really sicky first four months but it's eased off now, thankfully. I don't have any advice for you on the retching, but hopefully someone on here will! Take care of yourself x

Oh mindfulness, it is always the answer, and it always feels so silly thank you for your lovely response. I saw my midwife today and she trotted out the "but now you're pregnant you've got a reason to be well, it's not just about you anymore", so that just piled on more guilt! It must be tricky for outsiders to understand how it feels to be pregnant AND mentally unwell, so it's so great to have support on here.
I agree that throwing your scales out would be a good idea. I'm overweight and trying to get into the mindset of not being disappointed when I haven't lost weight. I'm trying to limit what I put on, while not deliberately losing, if that makes sense.

Anyway, have a great day.

Definitely makes sense peaceloveandbiscuits - I'm borderline normal/overweight (as per the charts, which come with their own issues!) and I'm doing the same.

I think it's all a matter of balance. I'm cutting back on sweets, cakes, ice cream, biscuits etc. but eating plenty of other stuff and just concentrating on getting a mix of food colours and groups on my plate every time. That way, I'm throwing a bone to the half of my brain that's fretting without actually causing any issues!

Your midwife sounds like she tried and failed to be helpful. As if we don't already know it's "not just us" - like, whoops, here I am seeing a midwife and...wait, am I pregnant?!

Smh... xx

Oh lord. Didnt mean it to be upsetting. Truly. And I'm sorry. But I have been there and that realisation helped me. So I shared but obviously I shouldn't have.

Of course it's about your wellbeing and I still struggle everyday. My ds is 2.11 and it's still hard to not worry about the baby weight I feel I should have lost - or not - it depends on the day. And I didn't say you should snap out of it; that is patronising I know as many people told me to do so with my 23 year struggle with EDs. But I did say that I did snap out of it, or rather, something changed in my brain at the time of pregnancy for the better. Luckily.

I do send my heartfelt apologies if I inadvertently upset you.

Thanks for the apology, theoneanddonlyalpha - it's genuinely appreciated. I'm sorry you've struggled with similar issues, and I'm glad that becoming a mum went at least some way to helping you conquer them.

I can relate, at least a little, as I'm eating a more varied diet now than ever before - all I've got to work out now is how to feel awesome in myself, then it's problem solved!

Thanks for sharing your story, anyway - hope things continue to improve for you as your DS grows up.

I've been feeling awful, so thanks for getting back. It is hard. In fact, after ds arrived was worse. I can totally understand your fears. I think being pregnant in summer helps as you won't want to eat all the comfort food winter brings. That's a plus.

The funny thing is, and something to remember, is I bet that if I saw you in RL I'd think how amazingly awesome you look, all gorgeous and pregnant. My friend treated me to a massage and manicure at a spa, which was lovely. It definitely added to my awesomeness.

Sorry. NC. I'm playing scrabble with dh and he said I'm fairly useless at it. Seemed a fitting NC.