42.Feeling gloomy this time around.

[May24]

I recently got out of a horrible marriage in which I had 6 healthy, wonderful children , all straightforward pregnancies and births. You might think why have six kids in that situation, but it was not an easy one to get out of and my children were all I had. I now have a new and amazingly kind much younger partner who really wants to have a baby with me. My wrinkles are beginning to make an appearance and I feared I would be premenopause before long but I became pregnant after the second month of trying. I'm really happy to be pregnant but my usual positive personality that has helped me to get through the worst times of my life has taken a turn down Negativity Lane. I'm fearing the worst for my pregnancy or health of the baby. I'm now 7 weeks, experiencing nausea but nothing like as strong as my earlier pregnancies. I'm not enjoying my pregnancy and feel bad for my partner who is so excited. After reading the statistics I just can't believe I could be lucky again. I know what will be will be but I fear it may cause the downfall of our relationship eventually if I lose this baby.

I have read advice suggesting ms decreases with age. (certainly i am experiencing less 7 years on from dd2).

It alarms me that you feel a mc would cause serious ruptions. A mc is not something to place blame on a person or thing. Yes. The risk goes up with age. But you can't help how many trips around the sun you've had?
Take care of yourself.

Thank you. I wasn't expecting such a speedy reply. .
I'm not saying I'm expecting an immediate break up if I have mc but the fact that my partner lives long distance means we have few chances to conceive coupled with my fertility rates at my age. Ultimately he wants to have kids and I already find it difficult to be the older one in this relationship. I can't help thinking I'm at the end of the line even though I hear about fabulous mums in their forties . He might stay with me a while but maybe not forever. No doubt I have a whole bunch of baggage from my previous relationship. I just finally found a partner who I'm so happy with and the one thing he desperately hopes for, maybe I am unable to give. Probably I feel I don't deserve the happiness. Previous partner broke me down with emotional abuse so I do have esteem issues I know.I should probably see a counsellor. I desperately want this baby but I feel I'm acting a little coldly about it in front of bf while he's happily choosing names etc.
I know too that many women are desperate just for one child and I feel like I'm being selfish,but hitting my forties has really made me face the issue of time..how much I have, how I spent it and what piece of happiness I can grab hold of for my later years. Pregnancy is just affecting my mood and making the issues feel bigger and darker. Anyway thank you so much for your reply. Mines an essay. Lol.