feeding on demand vs every 4 hrs

[breakfastinbread]

Please help me understand something (am 25weeks right now).

I understand that with breast feeding, it is important to feed on demand (ensure supply etc etc), but have been getting some cats' bum faces from DM today when I told her this is what current recommendations are. I personally am planning on BF'ing, but have no idea if I can/will etc when the time comes.

Apparently, me and DBro were fed every 4 hours (FF) "whether we needed it or not."

When/why did the guidelines change? I need something to counter her with next time I see her! Are FF babies fed on demand too nowadays?

I don't want to be chained to the baby, apparently.

"….rod for your own back"

I really agree with that OutsSelf - you don't have to know/do very much :) I always went with offering a feed at the first sign of grumbling or discontent and it has seemed to work.

OutsSelf makes an excellent point - don't overthink it! I took the approach of "when in doubt, offer boob", which seemed to work fine. Just get yourself some loose jersey tops to wear over long vests and you can easily feed discreetly wherever you are, then it doesn't matter. When DD was tiny I even used to feed her hands free, just plonked her on a cushion on my lap.

Sorry but please don't listen to her nonsense. I've BF six kids on demand and they didn't give me any hassle. I won't lie it can be tiring at first. Somedays soon after birth you seem to do nothing else but BF and also during growth spurts. But the baby will be contented,happy and secure and not long before they have something of an on demand routine . Why people want babys screaming their guts out for some extra housework time is beyond me. And there's no way you could enjoy any me time in those four hours listening to a newborns cries. Unless you just shut them away upstairs. It's utterly heartless. My kids didn't end up spoiled and nor was I unable to have a life. I remember my mum saying something similar to me but of course she bottle fed me. I hope you can find some good info to crush this b.s. Good Luck.

No offense to your DM. But it makes me very cross.

I hate to go against the majority here but i have 7,9 and 11 year olds, all were breast fed until they were a year old and whilst for the first week I fed on demand, the next few weeks I fed 3 hourly and then went to 4 hourly.I was amazed at how quickly they accepted the routine. I would put them to bed after a 7pm feed and then wake them for a 10.30/11pm feed before I went to bed. It made my life alot more sane. However,if ever they were unwell for any reason(and my youngest had alot of urine infections due to a condition for which she eventually needed surgery) I would just feed them as needed as it is a comforting thing also.

Bf on demand is easy.

Screaming is a late hunger cue. The this GS that might throw you are frequent feeds especially when a newborn or going through a growth spurt. Might make you think that they "can't" be hungry.

I had similar with my MIL. Probably partly because she felt defensive about her choices (she'd tried bf every four hours only tens at a time and ended up with mastitis)

vdb was there not a period of time when you were trying to instigate the 3 hourly feeds that your baby was screaming for food before the 3 hours were up? I'm not sure whether it was just my baby (who is a snacker!) but just for my own sanity I wouldn't have been able to cope with the screams while she was waiting for a feed!

DS fed 2 hourly as a newborn. He was demand FF. He stretched himself out to 3 hourly and fed that often for months. 4 hourly is way too long for a newborn. I'd always demand feed.

There is a difference between what vdb is suggesting - waking a baby for a 'dreamfeed' at a time convenient to you so they don't wake half an hour after you've got to sleep, and ignoring feeding cues to adhere to an imposed schedule.
My 3rd BF baby is 7 weeks and we had initial problems due to her being early and jaundiced and not feeding well, I was told to feed her minimum of 3 hourly I.e. wake her up, strip her off, try to make her BF, then express and top up. Had she displayed any feeding cues before the 3 hours were up I would gladly have fed her! It's a relief now she is better to be able to trust her to feed on demand, which is frequently during the day, at my other kids' bedtime, a 'dreamfeed' instigated by me at 10pm, and for as long as she'll go without at night ( waking once between 10pm and 6am)
Feeding on cue doesn't mean you have no routine/life. The best thing about BF is once you have the hang of it there is no faff, you just stick'em on and feed whenever it suits the pair of you.
The book 'The Food of Love' by Kate Evans is very engaging and helpful to explain how BF works, and how it was still is often sabotaged by bad advice. You could always leave it lying around for DM to find! I'd also practise defending your parenting decisions or simply saying you are not up for discussing it. You will do things differently to your DM, this is your baby and your decisions to make.

The thing I don't understand about The 4 Hourly Routine is why it is only the smallest, most vulnerable babies that are expected to go that long between food/drink? Once you start weaning them you have to feed them all the time. Then it's breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, milk before bed etc (when DC1 was at nursery as a toddler they seemed to spend all their time eating) with drinks available constantly. See the horrified threads on here about primary school children not having constant access to water bottles! Even then they're having breakfast, a drink and snack at break, lunch, a snack after school, tea.

I just don't understand what the benefit is in feeding as infrequently as possible when the baby is so small and reliant on you.

I breast fed DS2and bottle fed DS1 and 3. I fed them all in a routine of about every 3 and a quarter to three and a half hours. They all slept through short nights at 8 weeks say 11-5 and 12 hours by 12 weeks. I just couldn't do demand feeding for my own sanity. I didn't ever make them wait for feeds but seemed to avoid the small 'snacky' feeds. They were all fairly big babies, DS1 and 2 weighing 8lb 15 0z so and DS3 8lb 5 oz I'm not sure if that makes a difference.

My mother was a Truby King fan - so in the late 1940s, we were breastfed every four hours, on the dot, and left in the garden the rest of the time, in accordance with his views on training children.

She claimed that by the time we left hospital at two weeks, the staff had trained babies to sleep through the night, so we had only five feeds a day. We lived in a smallish house with an unmarried aunt and a grandfather - both working - so I can't believe we screamed all night. I really don't understand it.

I had a huge falling out with her when my first baby arrived in the early 70s and I was feeding him on demand. She didn't speak to me for weeks and I can only assume that she saw my behaviour as criticism of hers. By the time my fourth arrived I was more confident but needless to say she rarely had unsupervised access to my children, and never when they were tiny.

The result of all that crying in prams was not two disciplined, contented children, of course. My brother and I have struggled with depression all our lives - though we have found huge comfort in giving our own babies the cherishing we missed.

Make it clear from the beginning that you'll be doing things your way, OP. You don't even have to explain current guidelines to her - just do what feels right. If your mother doesn't like it, she is free to stay away.

fledermaus no DS didn't cry between those 4 hour feeds (at least I don't remember him doing so it was 12 yrs ago!)

But it certainly wasn't my intention to make a screaming baby wait for a feed. We lived in a 1 bed flat so no garden to put him in. He was always close enough I could hear every whimper.

My DC didn't cry either. They had plenty of cuddles and being picked up between feeds but were only fed about 6 times a day. The feeds were big feeds that lasted about 45 minutes then we would have about 2 and a half hours or so when they were not hungry.

The starting with four hour routine is not pragmatic. Wait till they sleep for 12 hours at about 10 weeks then start stretching from 3 hourly to 4 hourly. Common sense really though isn't it, stomachs are getting bigger so can take bigger feeds. Does make a big difference though when you get to 4 hourly as at 3 hourly all you seem to be doing is feeding them! Either feeding them or that expressing machine. You look back and think I must have had so much time pre-baby. What did I do with all my time back then?

If your baby only wants to be fed every 4 hours then isn't that kind of feeding on demand? The problem is if you have a baby who wants to be fed every 2 hours and you're trying to make them wait them wait 3 or 4 hours.

Though with breastfeeding, a newborn only wanting to be fed 4 hourly would often be a problem and probably not frequently enough to get a milk supply established or keep the baby hydrated/well.

I don't really find feeding that time consuming after the newborn bit Brices - my 4 month old fed in bed this morning before we got up, then again about 10.30 and I am feeding again now. It only takes 15 minutes each time and I can do other things (like this and currently doing an online asda order too) at the same time. I spend much more time feeding and getting drinks for my 4 year old.

The starting with four hour routine is not pragmatic. Wait till they sleep for 12 hours at about 10 weeks then start stretching from 3 hourly to 4 hourly.

And cross your fingers that you get a well-behaved "average" baby that does this

DD fed 20+ times a day as a newborn. That didn't drop to 10 feeds a day until she was about 3 months old and believe me I tried to give her more at each feed and to get her to go longer between them. She still at 7 months doesn't go 4 hours between a feed and she doesn't sleep through. Babies are different.

The average baby certainly doesn't sleep 12 hours at 10 weeks anyway - about 60% of babies do at least a 5 hour stretch by 3 months

Great post babyboom

I'm reading this and thinking I must be doing something wrong! My bf baby also fed 20 times a day plus in the early days (hard to tell when one feed ended and the next began sometimes) and at 8 months still doesn't go 4 hours between feeds. Although at 2-3 hours between feeds I certainly don't feel like all I do is feed her!

They sleep 12 hours at 10 weeks? Ha! My one year old didn't sleep through the night.

It's not so long ago, mine are 2 and 3 now, but looking back seemed to me little babies are all about constantly waking them up and feeding them every 3 hours. (I'm the sort of nutter who sets their alarm at 7am to wake them for feed!)

Was in the park yesterday and a baby was sick (called posseting?) anyway, totally took me by surprise. I'd forgotten they did that and the best bit is they look totally non plussed about it!! They just don't care do they? We would be so alarmed and distressed by vomiting. Anyway, my point is how selective memory is.
I think we're better mothers then we think we are. Bottom line is I think we under estimate our mothering capabilities and that's why all the "advice" starts to feel challenging. Right way is your way! Good luck OP, babies are a doddle compared to pregnancy (I found)

My DM thankfully told me 'just use your common sense, if they look hungry you give them a boob or a bottle' - I think it was feed-on-demand even when I was a little one! A long time ago I suppose I should be very grateful my DM has no baby 'rules' except a strange fixation that 'Dads burp babies better than mums' which is a tad random...

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

If I had left DD for 4 hours between feeds she would have been admitted to hospital.

You do what is right for your baby.

When DD was tiny all I got from MIL was "in my day ..." Her "advice" was out of date and, quite frankly, dangerous.