Not sure I should feel like this :-(

[RunBikeRun]

I am currently 10 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy was planned, however, I am not in quite a good place at the moment.
We already have 2 children (11 and 6) They are no trouble at all but I am a carer for our 6 year old, He's currently just got out of hospital last week after a 5 hour operation, He also had major surgery last year.
He is currently fed via NG Tube and is bowel incontinent. He's very a good boy but I tend to worry a lot about him with him being in and out of hospital. We've had a lot of stress the last week trying to get used to things and sorting out his care at school etc.

At the moment I feel like absolute shit, I'm not going to lie, I am hating being pregnant. I feel completely detached and if I'm honest I keep forgetting. My MIL has taken great offence that my whole world doesn't revolve about me talking about being pregnant 24/7
I feel very resentful because I'm really struggling to get up in the morning and through the night if DS needs help. I either want to rip someone's head off or I just want to cry, My moods are very very low and I am just at a loss that I feel nothing for this baby.

DH is great and helps out with everything when he gets home from work so I do have support but although he's not mentioned it I think he's feeling a bit put out that I'm not overly excited/

My Sister just said I should have thought about all this before we decided to have DC3 and it's my own fault.

I don't have a booking in appt with my midwife until the 21st so not entirely sure what I should do?

I really don't want to feel like this and I hate it.

Sorry its a bit long and a waffle.

My OH and I were TTC for over 2 years, I have wanted desperately to be a mum since I can remember and felt my live would almost not be worth living if I couldn't get pregnant. I had an early MC last year and am now 32 weeks pregnant tomorrow. However, by week 5 I was exhausted, miserable, sick, emotional and unsure whether I could cope. That is without any other children let alone one with complex needs. I felt I should be the happiest person in the world and so did everyone else but I was miserable and in a complete panic. I had a couple of weeks feeling well but am now feeling dreadful again. I am very excited a lot of the time, especially feeling baby move and I can't wait to meet him but I have learned to let myself feel whatever I need to.

Be kind to yourself and don't let anyone tell you how you should feel. Only you know how you feel and that is your right.

I am currently 31 weeks pregnant and can echo what bugoven has said OP. I have had emotional ups and downs over the last 31 weeks for several reasons. It has left me sometimes feeling anxious and panicky, even though I am thrilled to be pregnant. In addition me and my family have been through tough times in the past and one thing I've learned from that is that our poor brains and hearts can only deal with a certain amount of emotion at a time.
Maybe the mum part of you knows that your DS needs you to be there for him right now as his needs are greater. Your body is looking after DC3 by keeping him safe automatically until you can focus on him or her a little bit more. I am not sure if that sounds a bit wishy washy, its not meant to, it is genuinely what I believe.
It sounds like you have been through a lot with DS, not least because of his health and operations but you have had to plan a lot more for school etc.
I agree with the other poster, you need to be good to yourself and understand that you have been through a lot. We all have different ways of getting through, never feel bad if this is yours.

Aww you have so much going on, so much on your plate, it's not strange to feel that way at all!

I am expecting too, but had a bit of a difficult first trimester and was questioning why I even got pregnant even though it was planned and much looked forward to!

The hormones and exhaustion in the early days left me feeling zombie like, my house was a mess, didn't want to meet anyone, just wanted to curl up and do nothing

Don't put so much expectation in your emotions right now... Especially as you are in you're first trimester... A lot of what you feel is due to your hormones and the sheer exhaustion of being preg...I am sure it will get easier hopefully when the first tri passes...even after that hormones can go up and down... So your feelings will also be up and down...

I remember when I had my first child, I had a hard birth and was just happy it was over... And those initial few weeks where many mums spend their time staring with love at their babies, I was just driven by duty..,

Try to take out me time if you can,,, even if you dump on on hubby when he comes home once in a while (or more!) and pop yourself in for a long soak just to have some mental space too...

Xxx