Whits end with useles OH!

[Elizabeth120914]

Can someone take a subjective look at this situation before I commit murder..?

OH works 5 sometimes 6 days a week. He has to be up at 5.30 and gets home about 5.15. He earns good money.

I am 31 weeks pregnant I too get up with him and then walk dogs, sort out my horse, do washing etc then go to work 8.5 hours not great money and hate my job but had to give up my work when I got pregnant as not safe. When I get home I go straight in the kitchen (he's on sofa) make dinner, sandwiches for next day do pots etc.

He watches endless series of junk tv shows on lovefilm. He knows I hate them. He sits on one sofa I sit on the other. He plays with the dogs/ fusses them but takes pretty little notice of me. Doesn't really want to talk unless pushed then will turn tv up if he's bored with the conversation. Doesn't take much interest in baby/ how I am etc..

If I complain ever about him doing nothing round the house he gets unpleasant saying he's at work longer than me and that all I do is moan and be a martr. It's my fault I do everything.. If I get on at him long enough he will do things very badly and in poor grace and it really annoys me so I end up doing it.

He's lost his tax disc and that's my fault apparently I've thrown it away! I apparently should have gone to the post office to get another as I don't start work till 9. We are going on holiday this weekend and I've left it till last minute he would have done it if he had known I hadn't bothered! I need to print the forms off/ org side the whole thing so he who finished at 3 today vs me at 5.30 can do it- he's left without it!

I'm really truely exhausted and have had a horrendous week at work. He has started going to bed at 8 - he's tired!! He then gets up at 3am and wakes me up, puts tv on and yea then he wants to talk/ be affectionate etc.. I'm aboslutley worn out. Last night I had a massive go he rolls over and goes back to sleep I'm awake again.

He has done bits around the house and the nursery apparently this out weighs anything I do.. He not however put the central heating in for the baby and lies on his arse every night while all the stuff for it is in the dining room.

I've had enough nothing gets through to the idiot everyone at work can't believe how much I'm doing and they don't know the half of it. I'm very hormonal at the moment and have been in tears on the way too and from work. They are trying not to pay me my smp im entitled too and my manager is being vile about mistakes I'm making but I can't help it at all :(

OH says it's my fault I don't stand up for myself it's a multi national not a building site I've complained to hr but that's not good enough I should tell them to get stuffed .. Not that's he's offering to pay all the bills if I do.. He's just never sympathetic to any situation I'm in ever hes always been a selfish pig but i really need some support and am getting nothing I have no family locally it's all his and my friends are 40 mins away I'm really really miserable.

Sorry for the long pointless rant just wanted to write it down ...!

If he can't see how tired you are now he will struggle when baby comes. He'll be one of these who asks what you have done all day when you haven't had time to dress never mind eat anything. Try and stop doing everything for him so he can see how much you do and like it was said above when you get in of you're tired then go to bed.

Sometimes you have to be really explicit about what you need doing. If I am exhausted from being up all night with DS and I tell my DH he is sympathetic but does nothing. I have to say I am exhausted and so I need you to do x,y,z today. Then he does it. Try coming home and telling him to walk the dogs and take yourself up out of the way for a rest.

He isn't going to change.

Advice taken got in bath and laid in bed ignored him he comes up says I look like a zombie- no shit!

Has fetched me a hot water bottle

Advice taken got in bath and laid in bed ignored him he comes up says I look like a zombie- no shit!

Has fetched me a hot water bottle and drink- never normally does without nagging. I've got the remote. It must be obvious I don't give a toss I've never had this much action without a slap but still don't care I'm too tired too.

Decided not going on holiday unless he sorts it out I'm happy to stay home. The twat has worn the clean clothes so his problem. I have done no pots and there's no food in lets see how useless he really is as I'm done! Won't be cooking or shopping tomorrow and I'm paying for nothing ..

Missbluebird- your very right I complain and yet still do everything - no more maybe that's where his martyr bull comes from I'm going to stop and be as exhausted as I'm saying ..

God elizabeth, this is ridiculous. Stick to your guns. How spoilt is he?

Very and guess what the bloody idiots woken me up now asking what we need for the holiday it's pissing half past 4 what planet is he on.

The house is a revolting pit and he thinks his priority today is to wash his precious car and mow the lawn he's been thinking all night about how to help and that's it...

Apparently he's going to fit the radiators on Friday after 6 months of talking about it I'm passed giving a bloody shit. Right now staying here on my own is highly preferable than going to Barbados with this dick let alone Whitby!

You need to start replying 'you are an adult, what do you think? Go away, do what you think is necessary for your holiday and leave me out of it'

Yes I agree with everyone else. Stop doing things. Go for a slow leisurely stroll down to the shops and get dinner for one. And if he asks what the matter is, tell him that his attitude is killing your love for him and your desire to be with him, maybe that you are really angry with him and to go away cos you don't want to look at him. And make it last a few days.

And what's the score in terms of splitting up with him? Are you at that stage?

He's cooked breakfast is mowing the lawn and washing the car he said maybe we shouldn't go on holiday to argue I said suits me!

Made some really stupid comment about how I'm to do nothing all day to save me being Mardy and nagging him went absolutely mental sadly burst into tears too but to say I lost it is understatement of the year. It's been spelled out in NO uncertain terms what is required. We will see what happens. He has agreed he had done nothing- huge milestone and needs to help he's burning the lunch but I'm not moving an inch..

The forcast is nice so if today carries on helpful il go tomorrow I need a break haven't had a holiday in 2 years. Will see what he does MIL is back tonight from holiday I'm going to spell it out to her too his dad was supposed to be helping finish this house it might inspire some action!

If I wasn't pregnant I would have gone but then we didn't have this when I wasn't so I feel like I need to get to the end and give it a chance for the baby and me as moving out and the huge row there will be over house/ cars u name it isn't something I want to deal with right now either. He can have the next 8 weeks on his knees and see if he learns anything from it.

He's also said I'm to cut my hours down to the two contracted days rather than the 5 I have been doing for extra money and he will pay the difference. I've never actually really made it 10000% clear before so let's see if anythings sunk in. I'm far from happy with the idiot this will have to be majorly impressive but I need to know that I have given it one last go with cards on the table .,

Leave him. It's not normal and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

You don't need to leave him. Don't listen to people who say that, it's easy to say. You have a baby on the way and need as much stability as possible. He's started doing things to help, which is a big step in the right direction. You just need to keep this up now. Put YOU first, keep resting if you're tired, keep cutting down on the jobs you do and even if it pains you- thank him when he does something to help out. We all know he should do, but hes much more likely to continue helping if he knows it pleases you.

The moment you start thinking more of yourself and less about him and what he is or isn't doing, the more he'll start noticing you and what you do. Ironic, but men appreciate your value only when you do. Look after yourself xx

How has it been going for you OP?

Hope your OH is looking after you on holiday. To be honest from what you have written I would have sent him on his holiday alone, packed his bags for him for his return and enjoyed the peace and quiet.

In pregnancy and early days of your new baby you need calm support. If your partner cannot give this to you graciously then you are better off alone. You sound more than capable.

This man sounds like a 'taker'. Do not keep 'giving' to him if you get nothing in return.

It's actually going ok... Shock horror!

He cleaned all the dog mess off the lawn- no being asked, mowed it and washed the car. He also put all the bags in, sorted the dogs out and dropped them off and has paid for everything since we got here..

Today he has carried bags reminded about sun cream and didn't wake me up..

Ok there's a long way to go he's doing rubbish at any sort of emotional stuff but the practical he is doing well on..

Had a tense moment this evening when he started discussing the baby and how it might be similar to step daughter which nearly got him thumped but held my breath and got through that one.

We will see what happens I think as above he's like a child who has to be congratulated and encouraged- painful!

I think we will just have to see if this is a part time effort or continues.. My back has been tonnes better since not sitting on a chair all day and I've been sleeping so my mood is 1000 times better which is why maybe he's still living but we will see..!