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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I'm panicing.

22 replies

PrettyCandles · 11/09/2006 14:00

What happens if you're in labour and you have to go to the hospital alone? Will a midwife stay with you?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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lemonaid · 11/09/2006 14:09

Depends how far along you are unless you're quite advanced they probably won't stay with you but will pop in and out and keep an eye on you. At least that was my experience I had to go in around 8am with DS when my waters went, and was pronounced to be high risk which meant I couldn't go home, and DH (at the other end of the country at the time) didn't get there until nearly 3pm. I was only in early labour, though.

heavenis · 11/09/2006 14:11

How soon can before anyone can be with you ?

katyjo · 11/09/2006 14:12

Prettycandles,
Don't worry I'm sure they will look after you and if you are worried or scared I'm sure someone will stay with you. I had a midwife and a student with me, which meant that I was never alone. x

Original poster

PrettyCandles · 11/09/2006 14:25

A student would be better than being alone.

I want a home birth because we've moved away from my family, and can't guarantee that any of our new firends in the area will be able to come to stay with the children. It could take any of my family 2-3h to get to us. This is my 3rd child, and I'm constantly being warned that the labour could go very quickly, so I may not have 2-3h to wait. If nobody can come to us, then dh would have to stay with the children. Shit the thought of it terrifies me, just thinking about it and I start crying. But the consultant won't sign me off for home birth.

OP posts:

geordiemacminx · 11/09/2006 14:27

Prettycandles.. where abouts are you... maybe a MN'er can help out?

katyjo · 11/09/2006 14:34

Prettycandles, have you got nice neighbours. i nknow you don't like to ask but everyone likes to help out and its just a one off for a few hours. Try talking to people, Please don't stress out, it will all work out ok. Big hugs for you X

lemonaid · 11/09/2006 14:49

I'd hope you can find someone to help out with the children -- as pp said, could a Mumsnetter help? Or could you find a doula (appreciate it's getting quite late) so you know you'll have someone with you?

YellowFeathers · 11/09/2006 15:14

PC, we had the same problem when I had ds. My side of the family were an hour away at the best and dh's were over an hour.
I asked my MW and the hospital if it came to it, could my dd come into the labour room and stay with me and dh because of circumstances and they were more than happy about it.
I even wrote it in my birth plan just to be sure.

I know its a bit different as you have 2 children but I'm sure they would understand your circumstances. Even if you take them with you until someone can come to collect them. Not ideal but at the same time, they can't expect you to labour alone with no one you know.

melrose · 11/09/2006 15:18

Where are you?

MumsNetter could help
Local childminder/ babysitter?
Neighbour?

Original poster

PrettyCandles · 11/09/2006 19:41

Thanks for your replies. There are so many what-ifs about childcare this time - last time we lived very near to my family, and there were no school runs to worry about. It was so much simpler! We have actually booked a post-natal doula, so if worst came to worst I might be able to ask her to come earlier. The sort of situation I'm envisaging is having to go to the hospital after the children have gone to bed, two friends have said that they would come if their dhs are at home, but what if they can't come? I would have to ask a neighbour. I'm on good terms with two (but one has ME, so it's unreasonable to knock her up at 2am) and there's a third with a 20mo dd. But it's all very well to ask this if I know that a member of my family is on the way and will take over in a couple of hours, but what if my family can't come? What happens in the morning? I think the doula might be the best bet. In this case it's not the end of the world if the children miss a day of school/nursery.

But I think I'd rather labour alone than bring my 6yo and 3yo into the labour ward with me. I think it would be too traumatic for them.

OP posts:

frumpygrumpy · 11/09/2006 19:50

Could you ask your post-natal doula if she does birth doula-ing? Marslady is a doula and does both (I've never met her but she is lovely lovely lovely and has had 5 kids, inc a set of DTs).

Anyone from school that could help?

frumpygrumpy · 11/09/2006 19:59

Sorry, you've covered the doula, I hadn't read properly. I would be inclined to ask one of the neighbours about through the night (not the one with ME though).

No matter what was going on in my life I'd be happy to help out in what is exceptional circumstances and if you approach them now then maybe you could get them to come round ocassionally for a cuppa so that your other kids are familiar with the person.

I completely understand your concern and wish you the best.

sorrell · 11/09/2006 20:00

Why can't you have a home birth?

divastrop · 11/09/2006 20:52

when i was pg with dd2 last yr i was on my own,350 miles from my family with no partner and 3 children age 7,6 and 2 to look after and i was terrified of what i was going to do.i pictured dd1 assisting me while i gave birth on the bathroom floor and ds1 got instructions off the ambulance controller!
i had friend who offered to help but i didnt feel i could ring them in the middle of the night,either,and wouldve been stuck if their dps were at work.
in the end i was booked in for an induction at 38 weeks cos i had high blood pressure,so my mum was able to come up and look after the kids,and i gave birth with just the midwife there(and another nurse at the end).she was in and out till i was in advanced labour,but she would have stayed if i'd asked,it was just that i was enjoying the gas and air and the peace of being alone,strange as it may sound,but it was one of the best experiences ever.
i know u want ur dh to be there,i would imaging u will be able to take the kids with u and sum1 will keep an eye on them in the play area or a side room.
just for the record,my 3rd labour was longer than my 2nd,u never know how they will turn out!

lemonaid · 11/09/2006 21:27

sorrell -- it's on another thread here

Original poster

PrettyCandles · 12/09/2006 12:50

Wow, divastrop, was it really a good experience? Can't imagine it TBH, as I've not wanted to be alone during either of my previous labours. I certainly understand about getting into the G&A though !

But, having last night had my first halfway-decent night's sleep in a week, I'm better able to think rationally. I'm still scared and worried, but at least not in a panic.

And I'm going to fight for the home birth.

OP posts:

frumpygrumpy · 12/09/2006 20:07

You do that pc! And I hope you get it, power to the pregnant!!!

3andnomore · 12/09/2006 21:12

prettycandles...what do you mean the consultant won't let you "have" a Homebirth....
I mean, I know there are situations that mean it is advisable to be in Hossie, but in the end this is your Body, your Baby and therefore your decision....they can advice you, but in the end that is all they can do!

Toady · 13/09/2006 14:44

Prettycandles you do not need to fight for a homebirth. TELL THEM you are having a home birth, and that you expect a midwife to come out to you when you phone. If they try to argue with you say nicely "NO I do not want to discuss this with you anymore".

If you are not brave enough to talk to them write the SOM a letter.

Original poster

PrettyCandles · 13/09/2006 19:28

SOM?

I started another thread earlier about my consultant making a fuss about a +ve for glucose in my urine, and trying to scare me with talk of having a baby too large for me to birth unassisted, and what if the shoulders get stuck at home. Because I've been put under consultant-led care (as opposed to midwife-led care) my understanding is that the consultant can refuse to sign me off for a homebirth if she thinks it medically unsafe.

But I've drawn the opposite conclusion to her!

OP posts:

divastrop · 13/09/2006 20:10

from what i know from the ante-natal thread i go on,a mw is legally required to attend a home birth even if u've been advised against it.
my 2nd baby was 8lb 11 and her shoulders got stuck(cant remember the technical term for it)but there was no intervention,i think her head was out for ages b4 the rest of her(soz for TMI),they just let me tear anyway.i dont see why that would be a problem in a home birth?

moondog · 13/09/2006 20:13

Pretty,I was alone for birth of my ds as dh away.My mother and sister offered to come with me but I said no.
The mWs were very kind to me and stayed permanently when things started progressing.
It was fine-no regrets.

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