help?!? is it ok to say thanks but no thanks?!?

[deborah86]

One on my mums friends (used to babysit me when i was young) has bought us a cotbed without asking us what we would like. It was something I really wanted to pick out with my husband. Its our first baby and was something I felt was really important that we picked together. We were waiting till after the 2nd scan to pick witch is 2 weeks away. we want different colours for boy or girl. But now the options have been taking away from us. How do you say thanks but no thanks without sounding ungrateful? Or am I just a hormonal mess who should just be thankful and take what I get?

Has she offered it to you in person or have you just heard about it? I'm just wondering what you said to her when she gave it to you if that's already happened?

Honestly, I would say be thankful. She did a nice thing (albeit without thinking maybe).

It seems a strange thing for someone to do when they are not directly related to you. I would reserve judgement as you may find there is more to the story - ie it has come from somewhere else and she has not gone into a shop and bought a brand new cotbed.

If she has then it is very tricky to reject it but you could maybe do so on the basis you feel it is too generous a gift and you want her to get her money back.

It does seem an odd thing to just go out and choose for someone, I would wait and see until you know a bit more about it and why she chose it.

I had a few things that I really wanted to choose for DC1 and people jumped in fist and bought them (nothing a big as a cot though)...I just used the things that I was given. Then I used the money that I was going to spend and indulged on things that I wouldn't have been able to buy otherwise.

Personally I would take it and use the money elsewhere (a better travel system or something) but I'm a cheapskate and happily getting most of my stuff second hand!

Have you actually seen the cot?

Don't rule it out just because you didn't choose it. It's a piece of furniture, that's all. You will get to choose the important stuff, and I do think you are putting undue importance on one item.

But if it is hideous, then yes you can refuse to accept it. But I think that it's very likely you'll look ungrateful however you put it (sorry) but as this person has known you life-long and has generous intentions to your family, perhaps she won't mind (or at least won't let it show).

And unless you know that this baby is the only one you will have (or you are very rich) I'd advise against making a gendered choice of cot.

A cotbed? They're pretty huge for a new born - you might want something a little more cosy first anyway?

I'd find out where it came from - unlikely to be brand new from a shop - and then work out whether it's any use to you, or whether you'll need to say that you've already lworked out what you want.

Thanks guys. It is definitely new. She works in mothercare think she got a good discount. And I wasnt asked if I wanted it she just told my mum and my mum passed the message along. I do think its to much since this isnt the only thing she's buying me. My mum said shes getting me a crib too and lots of beautiful hand knitted things.I think I was maybe overwhelmed last night and my emotions were a bit wold.and my brother's having a baby too and she hasnt bought him anything even though she watched both of us. so I feel a little guilty too like everyone keeps forgetting about him.

Say that's really nice of you but we have already sorted the cot but db would make wonderful use of it since you already bought it

If you don't want it, we'll have it! Have you seen how much they cost? We're not exactly living hand to mouth, but once you start buying things - you soon realise how much money you're haemorrhaging on stuff that will last a matter of weeks (some - just days, etc.).
By the time you come to buying a cot you'll feel pretty spent out (don't forget that cot will need a mattress also which is another expense). Your call though, but agree with whoever said - spend money elsewhere. Their clothes alone will have to be bought pretty much every month.

I know the feeling in the early days when buying the items is so expensive and buying the individual items, or at least choosing them, feels really exciting and also a way to take some control of this very new experience! But with time, I agree with pps that you start to see how expensive all this is, and how in the end you will be making all the important decisions and making it yours - there will be plenty more to buy in the early days and WAY more to buy after year one when the shine comes off a bit and you one yourself wishing that interfering auntie Mildred would knit some tops for your lumping 2 year old, instead of resenting her for not letting you buy enough baby stuff

I'd take it and say thanks - I know that at this early stage every item feels super important, but mothercare ones are nice (and as others say, neutral coloured), and if she works there she'll have a good idea about what is popular and good quality.

It's really sweet of you to be concerned about your brother, have you mentioned this or even said anything like asking if you could share some of these lovely things? Often the blokes get a bit neglected or people don't want to step on the wife's toes, if they don't know her.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Not the most literate post, oops! Basically though, I'd go with the smile and be grateful option and buy some lovely bedding together after the 20 week scan. Or use the extra cash to go on a babymoon. I WISH we had gone on a babymoon instead of spending up on fancy pointless nursing chairs!

Bit pushy of her, but generous. I'd just take it and save the money. Your baby isn't going to care, only you can work out how much you care.

It's nice to get stuff but important to say that you'll choose what to use.

Not quite the same but when we moved house (from a furnished rented flat) we were gifted lots of stuff from my inlaws and their friends. We just made it clear that this stuff would be for now and we might replace it if we needed to. As it was we kept most of it -although we were given a set of old curtains when the house had lovely curtains already in so we didn't use those. I think the same will happen when we announce although as my brother had a baby last Nov I am rather hoping for some spare stuff from them.

Are you planning on baby having sleepovers at your mums? Maybe 1 for her house 1 for yours?