Best friend or me being selfish?

[Xxjodielouxx]

Hi all I just wanted to have a rant really!

I'm getting married in October and I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant. My friend has been 'off' with me as soon as I told her I was pregnant.

She's my maid of honour at the wedding to, and has recently decided she would like to get married to her boyfriend of 6 months and have a baby to now I'm pregnant so they went and got a ring and got engaged last week.

It's all I've heard about since, her wedding! Now is this me being selfish? I just feel like I would like to finish planning my own wedding before I have to start helping with hers?

She has just rang me and said 'I'm thinking about the seating plan and want you at the top table, (my partner and son will be on another table) but she said there won't be any room for your baby so can you just put it in the pushchair and leave it behind the tables'

I am furious! Maybe just my pregnancy hormones but what do you all think?

I actually think you're right to be annoyed OP. I'm 36 (and 34 wks pregnant) and had a 'best friend' when i was 25 who constantly tried to upstage me. We worked together and she made a point of putting me down whenever she could in front people, if I did something she did it better, she would say she didn't like something (e.g. Ugg boots) but then if I bought them, she would too......and then I had a boyfriend who she constantly flirted with and thats when things got ugly. It was clear she had self-esteem and insecurity issues and was a bit jealous of me but at the time I didn't really care and just got pissed off with her constantly. The situation only remedied itself when she decided to quit work and go travelling so I didn't see her for a long time. We're now back in touch but only occasionally, both our lives have moved on and we're older now which I think does help as these kinds of things are trivialised as other things take over. My advice would be to try and see her as someone who clearly has her own issues going on and although she's annoying you, focus on your own life and try and be a friend as far as you can. You've got a lot going on and don't need the stress of worrying about her.

I do understand what your saying, it has took me and my partner 2 years to conceive and she was the only person
I would ever talk to about it, it made me feel so totally and utterly depressed. This is another reason I thought she would be happy for me, she hasn't been trying to conceive until now. I'm so sorry about your situation, I really am. I don't think this is an issue for her. I'm not sure what it is, I guess I am boring now, but my life is changing and I don't mind be boring. I just don't expect hurtful comments thrown in my face everytime. I try not to mention my own wedding or pregnancy unless she brings it up, she doesn't... Ive have 2 early scans due to bleeding and she doesn't know what's been happening because she hasn't asked and I don't want to annoy her. The reason I have come on her is because I don't want to talk to people in RL I'm not normally the sort of person to cause confrontation so it's easier for me to talk to strangers than my friends in real life.

She said the baby isn't allowed to sit at the other table with my partner as there isn't any room, it's not about being in a high chair or the push chair it's being 'out of the way' the baby isn't even here yet so I don't know why it is a big deal to her about where she will sit?

I didn't realise people don't like babies at there wedding I know there is quite a few coming to mine but I guess everyone is different. As I have said in a previous post I have tried to talk to her, it just doesn't work

Jodie unfortunately what you are going through is not unusual. Your life has changed and its one of the most wonderful and important changes you will ever experience.

What you may need to accept is other people (your friend for example) are not as invested in what you are going through as you are. It happens to all of us. That doesn't mean that your friend is nasty or they have turned on you. From what you say she supported you whilst you were trying to conceive. It just means your priorities are now different. It's also not unusual for people not to take the level of interest in your pregnancy as you would hope for or expect. What can sometimes happen when we fall pregnant is we become completely overwhelmed and totally involved in our experience (want to talk about it, lts of research, look forward to all milestones etc.), unfortunately to people not pregnant we can become what is sometimes refered to on MN as "baby bores". It happened to me until I realised and regined it in.

With regards weddings. Yes it's not unusual and you will see lots of threads on MN discussing weddings and children not been invited and people wondering why the parents are unpset because at the end of the day its not their wedding or decision.

Littlepeapod I think your right. I am so excited and I feel like it's took forever to get to this point. I'll make sure I don't mention the pregnancy and be a bit more understanding with the wedding, I really didn't know people don't like to have baby's attend, I just thought it's was something for the whole family to celebrate, and maybe that is something I can talk to her about, if I say I will get a baby sitter it might put her mind at rest and she won't have to worry about the baby being in the way

Yes you should do an advanced search on mumsnet for childfree weddings or baby at weddings I never realised it was such a big issue for some brides until coming on here!

Thank you i will have a read :)