Tested positive for DC2 but don't feel as happy as I should.

[Dogsmom]

A Clearblue digital showed I am 2-3 weeks pregnant with DC2 and instead of feeling happy my first thought was "Oh shit" and my head is all full of negatives.

There are so many things going round in my head making me think I've made a huge mistake, firstly my DD is 16 months and whereas before I used to look at her playing by herself and feel so sorry for her I now think how I've spoilt her perfect little life, she's going to have to share her toys and most importantly me, she's incredibly happy, loving and such an easy baby and we've just got to the stage where we can go on day trips and she enjoys them. The due date calculator puts the new baby's due date as DD's birthday! Something else she would have to share.

Secondly and most overwhelmingly is the fact that my Dad died unexpectedly when she was 7 days old and consequently I went into deep depression, he was one of the reasons I had her, he wanted desperately to be a Grandad and it gave me huge pleasure seeing his face when I announced it and throughout my pregnancy he drove us all mad with his plans and excitement. When she was born he was the one I was most excited for her to meet and he was so overwhelmed, he only met her 3 times and then had an aneurysm burst.
It's been incredibly hard, every single day she does something and I wish he was here to see it or hear about it and with this new pregnancy there's no excitement, it's another punch in the stomach to know it's yet another thing he'll never get to see.
I was starting to see light at the end of the tunnel and feel happier but this has knocked me back and I'm sitting here in tears typing this.

My husband and I have a great marriage, we are older parents (39 & 44) and had discussed a second child, we'd never said a definite yes but have been putting all of DD's things in the loft as she outgrew them. It took exactly 3 years to conceive her yet this one has happened first time! I knew it was a possibility but really didn't expect it after trying so hard for DD.

Termination isn't something I'm considering and I don't know what anyone can say but I needed to get it all out somewhere. I only took the test yesterday afternoon and haven't told anyone yet, my husband is on a course today which he has to pass an exam on to stay registered for his job and he doesn't cope well with stress.

Rather than looking at the negatives (which is probably something everyone has done at some point) try and see the positives. There will be a small age gap, yes they will share toys but they will also share growing up and have a playmate forever.
I cant comment on the stuff about your dad but I am very sorry for your loss.
I think you should tell you DH. Its his baby, you have made a baby together, it is something you can discuss and I am sure that you will come round to the idea soon.

Congratulations! This good thing!

Congratulations!

It sounds a bit like perhaps the news of the new baby has stirred up lots of feelings about losing your dad. It's still pretty recent for you and knowing how excited he would have been is bound to make you miss him and feel a bit low.
I agree that you should talk to your DH about it, it may help you to talk through your emotions with him as he knew your dad and I'm sure he will understand.
If you're feeling really awful, then you could always have a little chat with your GP, don't forget that your hormones are going to be all over the place too. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to feel a certain way.
Xxxxx

I fell pregnant accidentally with DC2 and really wasn't happy at all. DC1 was only 9 months old, I was just getting past the PND and I was terrified of having another horrible pregnancy and scary, scary birth experience. I cried lots. I had people tell me I should be grateful I could fall pregnant so easily. Grateful for a baby I didn't want to have. It all turned out ok of course and he's a gorgeous five-month-old now. It did take a while, though and to be honest I didn't feel ok about it until he was born. I was really expecting the worst but it's been fine and I really couldn't imagine life without him now.

You'll be ok, but it's absolutely fine to feel this way. Tell your husband xxx

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I'm so sorry of for the loss of your Dad. I remember feel in when I fell pregnant with DD2 (DD1 was 9 months) that I was worried nothing would feel the same, that I wouldn't love a new baby as much.
The truth IME is that you will have more than enough love for both of them and love them both equally but in different ways, because they're different children.
It's good for children to learn to share and they'll have love for each other too ( most of the time!!!)

How you are feeling is very normal, I felt the same. I got pregnant with dc2 when ds1 was 13 months old, it had also taken us years to conceive ds1 and we weren't really ttc when I got pregnant with dc2 ( and I was still breastfeeding) I felt so guilty and like I had almost cheated on ds1. I had ridiculous conversations with dp, I told him if the pregnancy was successful the new baby would be dp's baby, dp could take prenatal leave and formula feed/co-sleep with the baby and I'd breastfeed and co-sleep with ds1.

The turning point for me was when we went to visit a friend's new baby, ds was besotted with the baby. We talk lots about babies and he has a dolly and pram. I logically know that a sibling will be a gift for ds1 in the long run but it will be hard to start with.

I'm 23 weeks pregnant now and I have different worries, I worry I won't possibly be able to love this baby as much as I love ds1, but I have been told I will, hopefully those people are right!

I am so sorry about the loss of your dad I can't imagine how hard it must be for you.

My DSs are 2 years and 6 days apart. I think there were two real "What have we done??" moments. One when I realised I"d have to go through childbirth again and one when I saw my PFB for the first time after we brought DS2 home and he wasn't my baby any more.

However, they've happily shared birthday parties, mostly happily shared toys, mostly played together nicely and I remember on one occasion overhearing DS2 say "That's my brother!" very proudly at a summer tennis camp which has stuck in my mind.

The positives far outweighed the negatives :)

my husband and his sister are almost exactly a year apart - with birthdays in the same week! they are the closest, most loving siblings I've ever met - they have an almost twin-like connection which is really amazing. My MIL was similarly panicked when she found out she was pregnant, but adored having two so close in age in the end :)
you're in shock, it will be fine, it's ok to feel knocked sideways!

Thank you all so much for taking time to reply, I've spent the day coming to terms with it and do feel better now the initial shock has sunk in, it's odd to feel shock when we deliberately had unprotected sex but as I said it took 3 years to conceive DD and I'm now even closer to 40 so thought my fertility would be even worse.
I expected to feel instant happiness like the first time and it's taken me by surprise how my initial thoughts weren't how I'd imagined it.

I've been making myself look at the positives and remind myself how sorry I have felt for DD when I watch her play on her own, we've recently moved house and have spent hours renovating it and she's been golden, she amuses herself so easily but it will be nice for her to have a playmate and when we go to playgroups I see siblings playing together. I know I will make a concerted effort to make her feel included.

I also think in future years when she's a teen it will be nice for her to have a sibling, especially if it's a sister, to go out with and eventually when me & her Dad have gone they will have each other.

Twice today I've had people ask me when the next one will be! I've managed to side track the conversation though even though it was tempting to say "in 9 months".

I still haven't told my husband, it's hard to find the right words, he's sat at the other end of the settee right now chatting about holidays and is so relaxed, I'm going to hate saying that holidays will be off the cards next year with a 2 year old and a baby.

Thanks again for the support, it's really helped me see the good side of things.

Your post brought a tear to my eye.

You've had such a bittersweet experience of motherhood and it's not surprising that you suffered with depression. It's still really early days in bereavement terms so give yourself a break and maybe accept that you're bound to not particularly thrilled at anything right now. In a few years you will be glad you had them close together because they will probably be best buds and you'll have your perfect little family and even though you will feel sad sometimes the pain won't be so deep.

Did you ever have the 'take each day as it comes' cliche thrown at you when you were depressed. I used to.feel a bit about that bit of gold but it's how I function now.

If it makes you feel any better I'm not thrilled that I'm pregnant again for various reasons. It's a horrible feeling.

Thank you for the lovely post ithoughofitfirst, it's a huge help to hear from someone who understands it as it's been such a lonely time and so tiring having to keep it together in 'real life'.
I luckily haven't had the clichés but I haven't told anyone about the pnd other than the health visitor and that was only because she guessed, I bumped into her at the shop when I was having a particularly bad day and burst into tears when she casually asked how I was! My husband knows bits but he's a typical guy and gets very awkward. I'm not a big talker though about any subject and am very private about personal issues, it's only the anonymity of a forum that gives me the confidence to ask questions.

I'm sorry to hear you aren't over the moon about your pregnancy either and hope you can find comfort on here too.

You aren't the only one to feel this way. This isn't the first thread on this subject I've commented on...

I was quite unfussed when we conceived DC2, but the whole pregnancy was so much easier than with DC1 - and now she's here, he loves her so much. I was expecting some jealousy but nothing so far six weeks in. And I have such an amazing relationship with my sister that I found focussing on that really helped whenever I had wobbles.