What if I don't like what I see?

[Observer78]

After years of TTC, numerous MC's and intensive fertility treatment, we're in a very fortunate position - last stages of pregnancy.

Other than wanting a healthy baby, I never really invested any thought into detail; didn't care if it's a boy or a girl, what colour eyes or hair she / he would have, who would the baby look like the most, etc.
Being one of live's battered realists I'm too aware of dangers that still lay ahead, each suspicious movement (or lack of) makes me anxious, I don't have a birth plan - just plan to go along with whatever happens, and investing trust in medical profesionals, as well as my own body and Mother Nature, and so on and so forth.

Bearing in mind that not once has my imagination conjured up this perfect child with perfect birth, and the perfect happy ever after (far from it), all of a sudden tonight I had a scary thought - what if I don't like what I see / get once he's been handed to me after birth?
There's no expectation to live up to, so what's with the crazy thinking? Anyone else has ever thought like that? Even more so - has anyone actually felt like that when the moment came?

You're not crazy at all to have the thought occur to you, it certainly did to me! But assuming you're in good mental health when the moment comes, it's unlikely to be a real concern once your baby arrives. Not all of us feel the sudden overwhelming rush of love that some women talk about, but in my experience I felt that even though he was in some ways a stranger, he was mine to care for and protect, and over the early days and weeks and months I fell totally and subtly in love. I didn't even realise how much until I looked back a few months later and read some of my besotted emails and saw the manky pictures that I somehow thought were appropriate to spend our limited funds on framing

I completely agree with custard. I had a very long labour and by the time he actually arrived I just felt totally numb. For a long time after that I just felt a duty to him, and sometimes, especially in the middle of the night when we were the only ones awake, I would look at him and have this overwhelming feeling that he was an alien.

I had bonded really well with my bump, I knew when he was going to be active and when he would be still, I knew what music would get him kicking, what cravings he'd make me have etc. but when he arrived he was like a little stranger and I felt oddly bereaved for the baby I thought I knew.

But as time went on I fell more and more in love with him. It helped when he started smiling, and when he made noises that weren't just cries, and now that he's playing little games and learning new things (he's 11 months now) I just love all the new things about him and it will continue to grow as he does.

Newborns are hard. Don't feel bad if it takes a while for you to build those feeling up, it's totally normal. Of course you might be wildly in love from the word go, on the other hand!

even if its not love at first sight, you will fall for him or her. i felt numb when ds was born, thought he was the most beautiful thing id ever seen but didnt feel gooey. i did feel fiercly protective, mother bear on speed, and eventually after a few months i felt the bond develop.

i had much the same approach as you did, but wasnt satisfied with how things went. make sure both you and dp read up and discuss options, and that he will speak up on your behalf.

After a complicated delivery and forceps my baby's face was very swollen when born (I still cry when I see photos from that first day!) I was exhausted and did not feel that immediate rush of love but like others say there is an overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect your baby. The falling in love and "liking what you see" then came over the next few weeks. Now my baby is 4 months old I think he is the most gorgeous baby ever...my mum was talking about another baby being beautiful today and it took me to the end of the conversation to realise she wasn't referring to my DS

so don't beat yourself up if it is not love at first sight. Birth was nothing like I expected and I needed time to get over it before I could get gooey eyed over baby x