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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

What to say after having Caesarian section?

36 replies

mermaid101 · 30/06/2014 21:10

I'm due to have av

OP posts:
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Mrsgrumble · 01/07/2014 10:33

Actually reading all this back, your dh was very weak in asking you were you alright on the floor. He should have said to one of his family 'will you give my wife the seat please, she is in pain here. Cold hard stare'

Shelby2010 · 01/07/2014 10:46

I second already being ensconced in the most comfy chair and don't get up when they arrive. Also if you stay in your PJs & dressing gown it conveys the point that you ARE an invalid who's just had major abdominal surgery. And who cares if they think you are being precious, as long as your DH is supportive. Any comments along the lines of 'I was scrubbing the kitchen floor 10 mins after giving birth...' then smile sweetly & say 'Poor you, I'm lucky you raised DH to be so much more considerate of his wife.' Get in as much PA point scoring as you can!

Also limit the number of visitors at a time, ie BIL & kids can come on a different day to PIL. I liked people coming round but found a houseful very stressful.

Lastly I'm quite impressed that you could sit on the floor - if I'd got down there after CS I don't think I could have got up again!

BomberManIsAGirl · 01/07/2014 10:48

I really think you need to start being a bit more vocal. I can't believe you just sat on the floor after your last birth. Even if I was in a room filled with royalty it wouldn't have crossed my mind not to say 'Someone's going to have to move because I need to sit on a chair, thanks'. I think it's a bit silly to want your DH to do the talking for you.

Congrats on the, very soon to be, new baby Thanks.

mermaid101 · 01/07/2014 11:13

Shelby that is exactly what they are like. They tell really pointed stories about other people who, like you say, are allegedly scrubbing floors or back in full time work within a very short space of time.

Bomber, I know. It probably was very silly not to stand up for myself. I tend not to do this, especially with my pils. I can tell they don't particularly rate me and have been very keen not to fuel the fire, so to speak. I also very seriously underestimated how emotional, hormonal and vulnerable I would feel after giving birth. I simply didn't feel equal to any sort of confrontation, however minor. I appreciate that not everyone feels like this after giving birth, but this was where I was. Hence I am trying to be as prepared as possible to avoid a repeat of this situation. I think I might feel similarly emotional, so want to have all my ducks in a row, even down to phrases/ responses so I can respond/deal with the situation more assertively.

OP posts:
Chunderella · 01/07/2014 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eurochick · 01/07/2014 11:22

You need to prime your husband to be more assertive this time. I'm shocked at your PIL behaviour but also that your husband "allowed" it. (I think you could also do with womanning up a bit generally with regards to your PIL, but when you are fragile post major surgery is not the time to try this for the first time unless you are comfortable to do so, which is why I am focussing on him. What are you scared of? They obviously don't respect you now. Behaving like a doormat is not suddenly going to make this happen so you might as well stand up to them. It might make them respect you. It probably won't, but at least it will make you feel better!)

Shelby2010 · 01/07/2014 11:42

Hopefully you won't feel so overwhelmed this time, at least with second babies you have more confidence in yourself. And you'll have experience of dealing with tantruming toddlers (assuming your babies aren't VERY close in age) and stroppy PIL should generally be treated the same way.

Also, planned sections are generally much easier on you than emergency ones, all nice and calm and controlled.

MyBoysHaveDogsNames · 01/07/2014 11:46

It's not your responsibility to make them like you! You have the prize - the children. And they want to see them. You have the power, if you want to see it that way.

Good to be prepared. I was actually quite rude to my FIL when he started tryjng to boss me about in my home. A reaction to being brought up by a controlling mother. I wasnt going to stand for it. now we know where we stand and are civil, cordial even. They arrive, I go out. They spend time with the children, me and DH get a sitter. Win win. Like someone else said, there comes a time to take charge in your own home.

I think your breezy and firm tone will be perfect. Reply doctors orders to anyone who undermines you!

Good luck. X

mermaid101 · 01/07/2014 11:55

I suppose the reasons why people behave as they do are many and varied. Some family dynamics can be quite complex and lots of us have a past and a story which we carry with us today.

However, the op is absolutely correct I that I really should try to stand up for myself a bit. This is why I started this thread, and I've had some great advice and suggestions which I'm really greatful for and fully intend to use to help me achieve this aim.

OP posts:
kaykayblue · 01/07/2014 12:13

Offer to cut them open, rummage around their insides, then sew them back up again, and then they can tell you how they feel.

Until then I believe a swift "Have you ever had a caesarian? No? So really you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about, do you? In which case I suggest you keep your ill informed opinions to yourself" should do the trick.

If they ask you to put more milk in their tea you can say "oh sorry, well you know where the fridge is". If they take all the seats ask your husband
"Could you get me a chair please? I'm not about to burst my stitches by having to sit on the floor".

What a bunch of dicks!!!

BomberManIsAGirl · 01/07/2014 16:15

Perhaps you could have some pictures of the operation to show them if they are not being sympathetic. Smile

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