Can't stop crying today

[pomegranatepie]

Hello, this is my first post, just feeling really alone and emotional today, and don't want to phone anyone just to cry down the phone at them. I am 33 weeks pregnant, at home as I haven't been able to work for a few months. I am a chef and work away from home 18 hour shifts on my feet all day and have had horrendous carpal tunnel and tendonitus so it would have been really difficult to do my job properly. DH is working really really long hours to compensate for us going down to one income (I am self employed, so no work no money) and although my MA has just kicked in I really see how much pressure it has put him under bearing all that responsibility on his own. I feel terribly guilty and useless, and wish I could have done more to help- we live rurally in a new area and I'm still learning to drive so it really has been impossibe. I do feel like the least I can do is keep the house beautiful and look after him and cook him lovely meals, but I am finding it so hard to find the energy to do much more than make him breakfast, pack sandwiches and have dinner ready, the rest of the day I am just curled up on the sofa exhausted and lonely with piles of laundry upstairs to sort and a dusty house. I feel completely bloody useless and to top it off just saw on facebook that a colleague is still working at 7 months pregnant, so why couldn't I? I am slightly anaemic but still feel really down on myself for my lack of energy, am I pathetic or is this normal? I really miss my work, thinking I should have just carried on working despite the tiredness and pain.

First of all you need to take all that pressure off yourself. You're feeling really low at the moment so need to be kind to yourself. I know it's easier said than done. Just do the bare minimum around the house. You sound absolutely exhausted and should probably be resting. Hope you don't mind me saying.

About the financial situation. That Is tricky. I was in the exact same position my first pregnancy. We managed okay though. I was definitely more worried than I needed to be. As long as you're all happy and healthy that's the most important thing. I was worried too though so I really feel your pain. Might be worth speaking to CAB to see if you're entitled to any help, when you feel up to it xxx

Thank you so much for your kind words, I am exhausted, but feel so guilty about feeling constantly knackered. Pushed myself to tackle a few jobs today that were looming over me, and although the house is far from immaculate I feel much better having achieved something today. I think I am having a particularly hormonal day, keep bursting into tears for absolutely no reason, I miss feeling normal!

Will get in touch with CAB, assumed that as I was self employed (we both are) that I wasn't entitled to anything apart from Maternity allowance, but its worth a try. We will be ok, we have some savings at least, its just really uncertain times financially, DH 's work is seasonal and we have no idea what he is going to do from october onwards. Trying not to feel overly anxious, just feel terribly guilty that I am not helping. xxx

Hi PP.

I couldn't read and leave, I had to pop by and say that you have had your body taken over and you are experiencing new things every single day, not to mention new hormones to cope with. Allow yourself to be pretty miserable when it comes over you.... You're pregnant and therefore it's 100% allowed! But I'm glad you also managed to balance that with a sense of achievement today, no matter what it was that helped lift your mood. Just go with it, but DO make sure you recognise the accomplishments as well.

Facebook is evil- it only promotes what people wANT you to think of them. Realistically you have no idea how tough the other lady is having it, even if her oregnancy seems perfect. Is it possible that she's envious of you for 'resting' in her eyes at home? She is presenting the perfect picture like everybody else on FB and I'd hazard a guess that it really isn't that way. (Does anybody on FB know how tough you're finding it at the moment, or have you done the same and only presented the good stuff?)

And finally, the reason why I absolutely had to stop and write to you, you said that you feel terribly guilty about the pressure you've put OH under and you wish you could do more for him. Well! You're only knitting up a tiny replica of him inside you! That's no mean feat and it's bloody amazing! You might not be managing as much as you were hoping to do outwardly, but on the inside you are creating a miracle. I just think if it were possible and you had to make yourself a new organ, a kidney or a liver or something, you'd probably expect to be a bit shattered! Your making a placenta and an entire human! You are amazing and you're working bloody hard on the inside making your OH a lifelong legacy! The dust can wait and he owes you one forever! He obviously loves you, and it's better that he works his socks off now whilst the work is there, and later this year he can take a step back and enjoy the two of you together.

Good luck. X

You will be entitled to child benefit and child tax credits once the baby is here which might help top you up a bit. I forgot to say in my post.

You sound like you're being a trooper. Give yourself a massive high 5 lady. You're growing a baby and that's amazing. xx

Oh my goodness what lovely kind words, and thank you so much for helping put this in perspective.

Had a good talk with my husband when he came home tonight, and told him how I was feeling, and he gave me a massive hug and told me how proud he was of me, so I am feeling a hell of a lot better. I need to look into tax credits.

thank you xxx