Obese and pregnant

[Peaceloveandbiscuits]

I didn't know where to put this thread. I hope this is the right place.
I'm 13 weeks pregnant and I'm also 18 stone. My BMI is 43.5. I know this isn't the best situation to be in. I have lost nearly two stone between my (underactive) thyroid being stabilised and becoming pregnant, though my periods have always been regular and normal, and I have no other physical health issues. My blood pressure has always been fine and I don't have diabetes. I have a very active job and lifestyle, and I eat healthily.
I have had no pregnancy complications and my 12-week scan was normal. I did have a TVUS because my weight is on my tummy, but that didn't bother me.

I need some advice on how to deal with unsupportive medical professionals without just dissolving into tears. I went to the GP on Monday to ask for help with my declining mental health, but unfortunately all she wanted to discuss was my weight. She said some hurtful things to me, such as "you need to be honest with yourself about your diet" and "you need to eat less of everything". It was the first time I'd seen this doctor. Unfortunately due to my fragile state of mind, I had to walk out in floods of tears. It was more the fact that she wouldn't offer me any help with my MH that made me feel so bad, but the lecture about my weight and what she implied about what I'm doing to my child didn't help. I felt suicidal after the appointment and two days later I'm no closer to getting any help. My main concern is that when I am unwell I don't look after myself, and I think I would pose a threat to my child were I to decline any further. I need to seek further help but I am afraid of coming up against this attitude again and again and not being able to get past it in order to get the help I require. I already feel guilty about being pregnant at all and dubious over whether I deserve to be; I don't need to be told.
Help.

I was a lot bigger than you during my pregnancy and had nothing but support and respect from medial professionals. Try not to get stressed about it,You are already losing weight. I lost weight during both pregnancies without trying. I Think it was a combination of not drinking and I tried to eat very healthy for the baby.
The GP you saw sounds awful. Try talking to your midwife. I found them very helpful.
Good luck with everything. I think it is becoming a big problem that people seeking help are harangued about their weight, surely a trained GP should be more pro active, giving practical advice instead of making the patient feel worst.

Completely agree with Poo! What a weird sentence...

The GP you saw sounds awful. People should not be demonised for the heinous crime (!) of being overweight.

Please don't be scared to speak to another medical professional. They aren't all the same and I am sure you will find someone more supportive.

Hi. I am so sorry you had such a bad experience. I was a similar weight to you when I got pregnant. I lost weight before I did. I also have an under active thyroid. I was told by my consultant that I couldn't put on more than a stone until I had the baby. My BP was fine all the way. Had extra growth scans and blood sugar test at 20wks. But all normal. The midwives were always fine about my size. The doctor a bit more wary about all possible complications. None of them I had. Normal delivery. And a healthy 9lb 4oz DD. Try to not let the doctor get you upset. If you are eating healthily and looking after yourself. It all will be fine. Best of luck. X

You really deserved better treatment than you got from your GP and can only echo what other posters have said - I would get in touch with your Midwife ASAP to try and arrange some support for your Mental Health that way. If you are still feeling suicidal, as you did after your appointment then please contact Samaritans, or try and find the details of the local emergency mental health team if you feel you are in any danger.

To offer further reassurance, I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant and a higher BMI to you. I've been problem free (apart from baby being awkward and wanting to arrive butt first into the world!) and this doesn't happen for everyone but the majority of overweight or obese pregnant women have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies.

Your GP's advice on your diet sounds incredibly unhelpful anyway. I had the advice of a dietician, who told me that 'eating less' is not a good idea. We all know the basics of a healthy diet and I was told to follow this and eat loads of fruit and veg, keep sweet/fatty snacks to a minimum and make sure I got plenty calcium.

Most health professionals I've seen have mentioned my high BMI, but purely from a practical point of view - ie 'we need to test you for Gestational Diabetes due to your BMI'. The last thing you need is people being judgy about your weight at this point. You are pregnant, you're the size you are and you're healthy - and your body is being amazing and making a human :)

Your gp said "you need to be honest with yourself about what you eat". You say you set healthily and are active but it's hard to get to 18 stones eating healthily and being active. She said "you need to set less of everything" and it sounds like she's probably right. I can understand why this upset you and it sounds like she dealt with you insensitively but thst doesn't mean what she said is wrong. A lot of overweight people completely delude themselves about what they actually want. Write down everything you eat and drink - absolutely everything that passed your lips- for a few days and I bet it adds up to too many calories. I will probably get blamed for not molly coddling you but the fact is that you are very overweight and that's very bad for you and very bad for your baby so anyone who tells you it's ok and not to worry about it isn't doing you any favours. Well done for kidding two stone. You need to lost a lot more. Get professional advice about your diet in pregnancy and after the baby is born lose some weight or you will dramatically reduce your life exoectancy and the amount of time you are there to be a mother to your children. People can go ahead and flame me but every word I have written us true.

And so helpful SarahF77 .

The OP is aware that she is overweight, however she went to the GP for another reason which was ignored, and by you too.

OP lots of overweight women have perfectly normal pregnancies. I did. Can you speak to your midwife about how you are feeling. She can probably refer you to the perinatal mental health team. Antenatal depression does happen and it can be managed. Best wishes. I hope you find the support you are looking for.

Thanks for everyone's support and kindness. I moved house after booking in with the midwife at my last surgery, and can't see my new one until the middle of July. I tried calling the doctors today to see if I could speak to the midwife on the phone but the receptionist advised me to call the hospital midwives instead. They told me to go to the labour ward if I wanted immediate help, but that feels a bit dramatic and I'm afraid I'll be in the way of them treating women actually in labour or having emergencies.

I know I sound ridiculous, like I don't want to take responsibility for myself. It's not the case, but I accept that I'm not in a wonderful position. I do feel sometimes that I ought to have a termination and try again "when I'm thin", but I think that's my irrational self talking, and I'm trying to stop feeling bad about the whole thing.
Perhaps I should stop posting such personal threads when I'm feeling impulsive!

Anyway, it's really encouraging to know that other women have been through this and had happy, healthy pregnancies and births. Thank you.

Sarah - one of the symptoms of an underactive thyroid is specifically the inability to lose weight no matter what you eat.

My thyroid problems were misdiagnosed for 5 years. I put on 6 stone despite not changing my diet. I recently saw a dietician who told me I needed to eat more not less

Every word you wrote is not true and is very unhelpful

Peace - please try and see another GP, mine is really supportive about my weight and my slow weight loss and is actually helpful rather than judgmental. Please try and find someone who is actually good at what they do and try not to let the Dr get to you

Peace it does sound like you need to see a different GP and very soon. Is there someone who can go with you?

I don't know what your GP was trying to achieve with her comments, but please do try again and ask for another GP. I think the fact that you were able to go to the doctors in the first place because you recognised that you needed support is a huge thing, you have been totally let down. Try not to let it put you off. Your midwife will be in a much better position to help or point you in the right direction. Perhaps if you manage to speak to another GP who will actually listen to your needs they will be able to refer you across to the m/w so you don't have to wait so long.
There is help out there

I'm horrified - but also comforted to know that I'm not the only one having a bad reaction to medical negatively regarding being obese and pregnant. I too was losing weight before accidentally falling pregnant. I put off pregnancy precisely because of a horrible experience I had with a nurse I had to see to get a repeat prescription for the pill. I was 15st which was a BMI of 32 and she snipped 'well, that is quite enough for you!' I was so horrified and felt so awful - that the very next time I had to see her my BP was elevated (130/85)... I bought my own machine and it was always the top end of normal, but going to the surgery ever since put me into a fight or flight situation and has always been elevated when tested. It got to the point where I decided to stop taking the pill to avoid having to be judged and we started using Persona and condoms as our contraception. I ONLY ever would go to the doctors if I absolutely had to... This happened about 10 years ago and still affects me today! So to the negative poster - at a minimum the doctor was insensitive. Doctors have a duty to treat the entire person, not just a particular aspect of health. This doctor was extremely negligent.

Because we were building a business and I had to work long hours (12+ hours 7 days a week) I unfortunately put on another 2.5 stone but I have managed to lose 1 stone due to a total change of work patterns so I now have a BMI of 36. Sitting in front of a computer all day - really is my problem. Now I'm in the 'high BMI' system - it has been never ending stream of hospital appts and scans. Don't get me wrong - I appreciate the risks and appreciate the extra testing, but it is scaring the hell out of me. The information they sent me was so incredibly negative, I felt too that they were suggesting that I have a termination, but my head tells me that is an over-reaction. I have been crying for most of the last 2 days because of the mental stress it is causing me and one midwife I saw yesterday suggested that I see a GP about that. ALL that I need is for the doctors to say ' You are at increased risk of x y and z, but we will keep an eye on it and it can be managed - everything might be just fine'. I've made it clear to every medical professional that I'm petrified about being obese and pregnant - I'm an educated person and aware of my situation, but making me more scared is only likely to manifest into health problems that needn't be there, it certainly IS NOT GOING TO LOWER MY BMI for goodness sake! We need comfort and reassurance from medical staff and that GP you had should lose his medical licence. He should have seen your thyroid issue and not jumped down your throat about being honest with yourself.

Sorry this is so long - but I think you should see a different GP. I know you feel vulnerable right now - but know that you are hardly the only pregnant with a high BMI, and I'm sure you will make a wonderful mother. I personally feel like I'm under a microscope - and they are just 'waiting' for things to go wrong - despite every scan and blood work being absolutely fine. I was given an extra apt for the high BMI and the midwife is trying to get me on a study to take diabetes medication pre-emptively - but I'm going to have to decline, because the extra scrutiny that would entail will just increase my stress levels and the thought of it is reducing me to tears. At the moment I'm struggling to find any positivity about this pregnancy - despite there being nothing currently wrong. As I write this - I feel angry that in this position that I can't enjoy the prospect of being a mother - all I want is some reassurance that future problems can be dealt with - some comfort. Surely that is the whole point of going into the medical profession?? Perhaps my anger is finally setting in, but I'd like to print this thread out and send it to your practice manager!

xxx

Hiya, I'm a bigger girl too and wanted to tell my story.

I'm a size 18. My BMI is 35 and I'm 30+2 today. I switched hospitals when I was 16 weeks because I moved house. My first hospital (Whittington) were quite snippy with me about my weight, told me I was Medium Risk because of it and tried to sign me up to healthy eating classes. I was like, b*tch PLEASE, I'm a 32 year old woman with a post-graduate degree, don't make me do salad eating classes! Like I don't know that eating fried food is bad and eating salad and grilled lean meat is good!? However, since moving to Whipps Cross I've been treated like much more of a human being. The midwife at the booking appointment didn't even mention my weight. According to their books I am Low Risk.

My BP has been normal every time it's been taken and I tested negative for GD.

I've had really bad sickness, and the only positive to come from it is that my weight gain has been very small indeed. In fact, I lost weight in my first trimester! Another positive is that, although my belly is bigger and more rounded, I don't have by stretch marks yet!

Stay strong, you'll be an amazing mum regardless.

Hi all
I am 34, weigh 19.5 stone and am a size 22/24 (coz im also a short arse)
Firstly the very unhelpful comments make me sick. Do you know realise sarah that us fat people know we are fat! We are not saying that is anyone elses fault, but sometimes - just sometimes there are underlying reasons. These are none of your business!!!

I had my scan on Monday (12 weeks but turns out im 14) and the sonographer said it would be difficult to see the baby due to my high BMI. I told her that I can't change that at the moment!!! I currently have 8 fantastic photos of my LO and couldn't be happier.

My midwife, bless her, skirted around the issue and said I would need a consultant led delivery, I said as im overweight, and she said yes.

I am not so stupid that I don't know it can make things harder, but currently I can't do anything about it, so I will make an effort once I am not pregnant, and hopefully have a lovely baby in my arms!

Speak to a different doctor and make a complaint! Best of luck xxxx

Try writing down a deflecting phrase, something like "I don't want to talk about my weight right now, I know its an issue but I can get very anxious if a stranger goes on about it". Have it with you and practice saying it before an appt with someone new. Then you can trot it out if they start.

But do just ask for a different GP next time. most some are genuinely supportive and helpful. And do seek help if you feel your mental health is suffering.

... One more note, do use the pregnancy as extra incentive to eat healthily and change some lifestyle habits. Having a +1 is great for that. You'll feel better and it will be better for baby. But do this without ever going near a set of scales. Health is important, not size.

I have a BMI of 31 and at the midwife booking app the midwife said to the student "so with a BMI of 31 what would be recommending..?" I was worried that it would be about my weight or high risk but the correct answer was just that I'd need a higher dose of folic acid. When I asked she didn't see that bothered but did say she could refer me to a dietician if I wanted but we agreed that I knew the right things to do anyway.

My BMI was 31 at booking and the midwife didn't even comment. When I asked (because I was concerned) she gave me a leaflet about recommended weight gain in pregnancy. She also mentioned a support group for pregnant women aimed at healthy eating/avoiding excessive weight gain. I didn't go as I was already attending another class but it sounded as though it would have been a friendly non-judgemental group - maybe there's something similar in your area.

What are your mental health issues (if you don't mind me asking)?

@kitty763 do you know how inconsiderate you sound! How do you know that "fat people" get pregnant so easily- in fact that isnt always the case! Im higher on BMI- in the 30's and ive had 3 miscarriages.... im sorry for your loss but dont go round making other people feel bad for being pregnant- you don't know their struggles, you don't know how long it took them, what they may have been through

Please take your spiteful comment elsewhere!

@kitty763 but coming onto a post and making other women feel bad because they are pregnant is not the way to go!

And actually no it doesnt infuriate me, people are allowed to have concerns about their pregnancy, its normal to have concerns and this should be a safe space for them to express that and ask questions without being made to feel bad! Thats what you've done, you've come on here and told these women they should think theirself as lucky- don't you think they do that anyway?! They don't need you telling them that! Maybe you and your grief would be better suited on the pregnancy loss forum, not the pregnancy one

This thread is 6 years old!!!

Stop dragging up old threads @kitty763. I’m pretty sure the OP doesn’t care about your opinion now.