Any FTMs with no mums about?

[Lalalax3]

Hiya, I'm new here, due with my first baby (boy) on Sept 1st.

My mum died four and a half years ago and I'm finding myself grieving for her much more frequently since becoming pregnant. I'm the first one of my siblings to get pregnant and Dad has distanced himself emotionally from us all since Mum died. Don't get me wrong, he still loves us, but he's not there for us in the way he was.

A few nights ago I dreamt that my mum took me shopping for all the things I need for my hospital bag, which is exactly the sort of thing she'd have done. When I woke up it was like a wound had been reopened and now I am missing her like crazy.

I have good support from husband, family and friends but my thoughts keep returning to this big gap in my life.

Is anybody else going through this? Has anybody gone through this? How are you coping?

Hi mrsgembles, I was in the same situation with my DS 3 years ago, and am experiencing it again to some extent with this pregnancy. My dad has also been emotionally distant since my mum died.

I felt the loss of my mum enormously when pregnant, and still do. I often think about what a brilliant granny she'd have been, and how much she'd have loved my DS. Unfortunately this feeling is even stronger every time my dad doesn't step up as a granddad, because I know he'd have been a much better granddad if my mum was still around.

One thing I often think, which helps me, is that my mum is still having a major influence on my DS's life, through me. She taught me how to be a good parent, and I'm hopefully passing that on to my DS by being a good mum. That's a real part of her that's alive for him in a practical way.

I also rely on other people in my family who are more there for DS than my dad is, and remind myself that although I lost my mum, we have them in our lives.

Good luck with your pregnancy.

Thanks Cobo, it's just good to hear that other women have been through the same thing. You're right about mum's influence coming through us, I remind myself of her every day!

Hi mrsgembles, I just wanted to say I'm sure your mum will be proud of how you are doing and the choices you are making. As you have said, our parents influence us in many ways! I do sometimes get upset that our wee baba will never meet my dad, but our memories and stories will always be there.
Remember to lean on the people you do have around you, I'm sure they'll understand your concerns. Hope everything goes well for you guys.

Hi OP

Sorry to hear about your Mum.

Yes, I lost my Mum quite suddenly last Christmas Eve. I am now expecting my first baby in December.

I plan to tell my LO all about his / her Grandma. She was so much fun and it is such a shame they will never meet in this world.

I do find I miss her more at the moment, but the loss is so recent that I don't have much to compare it to. I will say that my female relatives (including SILS) have been so amazing. That has made it a lot easier for me.

Me. My mum died just over 2 years ago. I'm finding it tough and hormones don't help - can normally talk about her without welling up but not ATM. My mum was also a former midwife and health visitor so am worrying about lots of things I might have asked her about but can't now. Although I know she would have been very annoying at times as well! Then I feel bad about thinking that - I'd still rather have her here than not. It's just tough and I think there'll be lots of moments where it hits me and makes me cry. My dad is lovely - he was teary when he heard partly cos of mum not being here. However, I know he won't be as hands on as they would have been if they were a couple, which they were with my niece when she was tiny. DPs family don't live in this country so less of a support network there. Hugs to everyone in same situation.

Hi

I lost my mum four and a half years ago. I had my little boy 2 and a half weeks ago. I have found it difficult throughout the pregnancy as there are so many things that I wished I had asked her about her experience of pregnancy and the newborn years which I now will never get to ask.

I am lucky that my dad is amazing but it isn't really quite the same.

No advice yet as still early days but wanted you to know you aren't alone