So scared of miscarriage

[06097196]

I've only just found out I'm pregnant and I'm 4 weeks and I want to be happy but I'm so scared of miscarrying. I haven't had any bleeding of any kind and just mild cramps that everyone says is normal. This is my first ever time of being pregnant ever so I want to enjoy it, but i just can't shake the feeling that it's all going to end or I'm going to go for my first scan and there'll be no heart beat :(
I'm also worrying that it could be ectopic and I'm falling in love with something that isn't ever going to live! Ugh I'm such a worrier!
Anyone want to virtually slap me and tell me to stop being so silly? Or to give me some statistics to make me feel better? I want to enjoy this!

This is one of the drawbacks of early pregnancy! You don't know what is going on until you are scanned at 12 weeks or so.

I did have miscarriages myself and I would say that no one can really reassure you. In my case, each loss started with bleeding - having said that, lots of women bleed during pregnancy and go on to have healthy babies. The most significant sign that something was wrong was a sudden and complete loss of symptoms at about five weeks.

Statistics are not very helpful as a lot of miscarriages are undetected or unreported.

If you want to reassure yourself in the early stages, buy a cheap bunch of test sticks and test your urine first thing in the morning a couple of times a week. That won't completely rule out miscarriage, but a positive is a good sign.

But even if you have a miscarriage you could be peeing 'positive' for weeks afterwards.

The only thing you can do OP is give yourself a wet fish slap and man up. Providing you are not behaving ridiculously, there is nothing you can do to prevent a miscarriage happening. I tried to imagine that if it did, then it was meant to be. I know that's trite and unhelpful to people who have had miscarriages, but you have no reason to imagine that you are more likely to have one than anyone else, what else can anyone give you? The reality is that while they are actually pretty common, statistically you are still more likely to stay pregnant and give birth to a healthy baby. That's all there is.

In terms of fear though, I suppose it's just something to get used to. I'm now worrying about premature birth, still birth, the actual birth and SIDs. If it's not one thing, it's another.

Oh, and that advice is from someone (me), who was so terrified about there not being a heartbeat, that they didn't speak or smile for the two days before a 10 week viability scan.

Ah thank ou everyone i feel ever so slightly reassured.
Ohthegoats you sound similar to me, I will probably 100% try to get an earlier scan and if I can't i will probs go private x

Completely normal. I was terrified until 20 weeks and to be honest kind of still am now at 31! I had some spotting that led to an early scan at the EPU at 7 weeks. Seeing the heartbeat was very reassuring. Next time I would book a private scan at 8 weeks, which I think would help. Maybe consider it?

Depending on age, the Miscarriage Association and most early loss experts put the risk between 15-25% for most women upon BFP. If you're under 35, you're closer to the 15% risk (so 85% chance all is good) at this early stage.
The good end of the stats increases rapidly so by the time you're at 8 weeks it's over 90% and over 95% by 10 weeks.

As many have said if you're very worried you can get private "viability" scans at about 6-8 weeks which can be enormously reassuring.

:)

I think most feel like this, don't they? I know I do on and off, but the thing is you can't change it by stressing out about it.

Personally I found mild cramping (very normal) reassuring that something was going on down there. I'm 12 weeks now, my first scan is going to be at 13+4 so it is a long wait, but the private ones do cost a few quid so I am waiting it out.

Congrats

Unfortunatley for us i had that feeling....and it happened! Dont mean to scare you just wanted to share my experience....i felt like id let my family down and more importantly my hubby! Hed experienced so many years ago with an ex so i knew how much more it meant to him than me and i just felt so useless and was hurting more for him! On a happy note im now 36+5 woth our successful 2nd attempt and we carnt wait for him to get out now loool i wouldnt worry though but i understand how you feel chuck, just try and take it easy as best as possible for the next few weeks and try and occupy your mind when you find yourself worrying about it :) x

It is natural to think about it..

I had a few miscarriages before having my kids... and I'm expecting again, and i sometimes do worry how everything will be on my twenty week scan...even after having normal pregnancies..!

It's not something that is in our control (unless you have health issues) and to be honest thinking about it or focussing on it will take over your life...

Maybe get a pregnancy book like what to expect when you're expecting and keep yourself occupied learning about how the pregnancy Is going and the baby's stages if development... I found it really interesting and a great way to occupy your thoughts in these early stages when things don't seem real!

I felt like that with my first DS and now feel less anxious but still have thoughts about 'what if' with my current pregnancy. The only thing you can do is every time you start to worry or think about it, tell yourself that it's one day at a time and if something goes wrong, you'll seek medical advice and that's all you can do about it for now. Keep positive, try to feel reassured that every day you progress is one more step towards a healthy baby and try to do things you like and enjoy to distract yourself. I found it really difficult to concentrate when feeling anxious so I changed the things I did to occupy myself: reading easier books, e.g. Harry Potter, watching easy to watch films, e.g. Comedy/romance, doing time consuming hobbies that need attention, e.g. Hand making birthday cards for friends instead of buying them. The more you can occupy your mind with non-pregnancy, relaxing things, the better you'll feel in the long run. It's not easy but but gets easier. I tend to try to break down the time into goals to make it more manageable, e.g. I'll be X weeks on Friday, so I'll just think about getting to Friday, or the next midwife appointment or scan or whatever. I hope this helps.

I was the same with my first constantly taking pregnancy tests and checking I wasn't bleeding.

I'm pregnant again and I did exactly the same this time to.

I don't think it feels "real" at the beginning xx

I have exactly the same fear...