feel like I've already lost my identity. feeling down

[CatFaceCrayola]

I'm 16 weeks and feeling pretty down.

I already feel like I'm losing the me-ness of me and just becoming PregnantLady34601.

I can't do a lot of the things I used to because I'm always so exhausted and I don't remember the last time I saw any friends. And every time i see someone i know it all pregnancy talk. feel like all I do is lie on the sofa feeling sorry for myself. And I can't help but think, if this is me now then when I actually have this baby "Me" will completely cease to exist and I'll from then on just be Somebody's Mum.

Has anyone else felt like this?

I did! But it does pass. Have a little cry if you feel like it sometimes (it's all hormonal anyway). It does go, I promise. And then you start looking forward to being back again! Time will fly for a whil, and then sort of slow down a bit as you enter the last stages, but that happens with all things challenging - a run, a hard day at work, etc.
Moan all you want if it helps :)

Yes! This was me at around 16 weeks. Mostly because I was only just getting over feeling sick and knackered. At this point though, most of our friends didn't know about it, so I was being a bit of a hermit - which only made me feel worse about not being 'myself'.

Now I'm 26 weeks and some people still ONLY talk about babies when I'm around, but most don't. I've stopped feeling so rough, and even though I'm now looking clearly pregnant, it seems less of an issue. If that makes sense. I am making plans for things I'll do when the baby is here, that are still part of 'me', but 'me with a kid', or 'us with a kid'.

I think we have 9 months to prepare for this just to get our heads around it frankly. I spent a long, long time being ANGRY about it all, even though it is a planned and wanted baby. Nutso...

What I'm basically saying is, chin up - it does get better.

My Mum did warn me that when you become a Mum you totally lose your identity as you just become someone's Mum.

I have to say though, it does make it easy to talk to people once you've had your baby. Conversation with other parents is easier as you have something in common. And you can relate to all the sleepless nights and exhaustion, as well as the wonderful times.

Make sure when you have the baby you still get some time out (ok, not when they're newborn maybe), get your hair cut, do some shopping, see friends or whatever. Go for a meal with your partner, if you're able to. It's important to remember you still have an identity as you outside of your child.

Im coming up for 28 weeks with a planned and desperately wanted pregnancy. Im as hormonal as hell and this mornings tears were because my wedding ring no longer fits.

You will still be you and I totally get what you mean. On the plus side Im really enjoying complete strangers chatting to me!

I was scared about losing my identity when I first found out I was pregnant. Of course it's a huge identity shift, but then I realised that of course there is also a continuity to who I am - what I like/value/don't like, the people I love, the experiences that have gone in to making me me. I tried to focus on this for a while to feel a bit more grounded, and that helped. The early days felt a bit like vertigo to me. So many intense emotions, and quite a lot of them really difficult ones. And it is really hard when you are just having to manage how crappy you are feeling physically every day. I think talking about it to someone you trust is really important, if you can.

Thank you so much for your kind words of wisdom ladies. Much appreciated.

Trying to organise to go see a friend next week to talk about stuff, hoping it will help.

Must keep forcing myself to go places/do stuff/see people though

I understand. You kind of put yourself on hold.

I remember distinctly when DS was around 18months I suddenly felt myself again, but then it happened again just after i stopped BFing around 23 months.

DS is now 3, and I actually feel more like myself than I did before. It might help that I work FT as well, but I also feel like having him has helped me focus on what I want to do and achieve. As well as losing tolerance for living to societal expectations of women and mothers. I have non-traditional hobbies and home role. It also probably helps that we only have the one DS, having a second soon after the first would probably be difficult to weather without losing yourself at sea.

I suppose I mean that the way you are feeling is not unusual, but could end up being not only temporary, but a facilitating transition. Like a sabbatical from your earlier life! Try to embrace it.

Also, whenever I'm having those sort of negative thoughts, I take myself to the gym - exercise seems to help. Endorphins I guess. And swimming is just so lovely and weightless.. makes you feel almost normal, instead of like a weeble!

I think stopping work (maternity leave) has been hardest part for me- so much of what I do seems to define me... looking forward to being a mummy but being quite deliberate to make an effort to keep in touch with child less friends/talk about them and non pregnancy things!

It's hard to articulate, but I am actually looking forward to discovering what my identity as a mum will be, I'm not afraid of losing the essential me, but of course my life will change. The me of 31 now is a lot different to the me of 25 anyway, we all change over time. I'm hoping I'll become a less selfish and more responsible person (I don't think I'm terribly selfish and irresponsible now I hasten to add!). I think my Hubby and friends will help keep me as me. I've never changed how I see my friends when they became mothers so I hope they'd be the same for me.

I swing back and forth between being really optimistic that I will be a dynamic mum juggling family life, work and hobbies - being "me" but with infinite value added (like some of the dynamic mum friends I have) and crying and thinking "nooooOOOoo I'm not up to that. I will be a shuffling mass of grey tracksuit bottoms and birdsnest hair, a shadow of a woman with an understimulated PFB, unable to remember her shopping list in Tesco...".

Not helped by some FB friends who say things like "your Topshop days/Career days/Sex life are over" and imply I will immediately age 10 years. Which hasn't happened to any parents I know IRL: I know I may well end up with wider ribs and a wobbly tummy but I don't think I'll be reaching for the Per Una and Classic twinsets just yet.

I'm with Redling about this: I've never changed how I see my friends when they became mothers so I hope they'd be the same for me. all but one of my closest friends have 1-2 kids of various ages, and are still completely "themselves" as well as being responsible, loving parents.

I totally understand where you are coming from OP. Just because you are going to become a mum doesn't mean you have chop a part of you out to make room for the new part. I used to ask close friends if we could have a lunch or a coffee where we didn't talk about pregnancy or babies at all and it was a nice break to feel like my old self. Also, feeling like this doesn't mean you are any less excited about becoming a mum; it just means you value yourself as something else as well. x

The beginning when you feel too crap to do anything and the end when you are too fat to do anything is the worst. You will feel normal again in the middle and will be able to do everything that you once did. If the talk is all baby then change the subject, make it clear you still have a brand not obsessed with baby.

I'm on DC3 (39wks) and while I am an "adapted" me I am still me. I still have a social life away from kids, when I am away for work I can pretty much forget about them , I still have my career drive and my aspirations to travel, just with them as a wonderful addition to those plans!

You will be fine.

I need to get my positivity back. Everything is pretty good really I just can only see the negatives in everything lately. Need to have a word with myself or give myself a kick up the backside!