Help, child no 1 playing-up!

[SarahN]

I am now 28 weeks pregnant with baby no 2. I have a three year old son who was ever so patient with me in the first trimester but now that I am slowing down again he seems to see this an an excuse to run riot. I can hardly keep up with his requests, he wants to play with play-doh (which incidently was left out all day and has now gone brick hard and is in the bin), he has hardly started that when he wants to paint, wants to go to the park, wants to take out his toy cars. I had been insisting that he put one thing away before getting out another, this worked for about two days but now he has seen any comment from me about putting toys away etc as an excuse for a full-scale tantrum. I am starting to think that this is all attention seeking behaviour probably connected with the pregnancy. He is not happy with me just seeing what he has been doing, he asked me to look at a jigsaw this morning and from the sofa I told him what a good job he had done etc and he asked me to stand up (presumably so I could see it better) I am not sleeping very well at night just now and standing up was beyond me this morning. In the first trimester he was very understanding if I wanted to lie on the sofa for a while but now he is just playing up all the time. I caught him putting things in the microwave today and he has developed a habit of taking his chair from the kitchen to try and reach things he is not allowed, he even moved the TV today. I am worried he is going to hurt himself, does anyone have any ideas how to keep him adequately amused without exhausting myself?

SarahN just a quick message to say my son was just like yours when he was three years old. I was not pregnant, but all this lively and attention-seeking behaviour kicked in at around the same time as your sons. The change was quite noticeable.

IME, it's a stage they go through. Don't beat yourself up thinking your pregnancy is the only cause, when at most it is just a contributing factor.

Does your son go to nursery? are you entitled to nursery vouchers? In my area of London, all three year olds can get a half day at nursery five times a week. It sounds like you need a breather, and your son needs lots of activity to get rid of his excess energy. Some time at a nursery or a playgroup might be the answer. Then when you see him, you will have the energy, mental and physical, to give him all the attention he demands.

Sorry, got to rush. I'm sure other mumsnet members will add more advice.

Sarah, I don't have experience of being pg and caring for such a young child but one of my children has often displayed similar behaviour. A strategy which sometimes worked was to play with her for 10 minutes, such as picture dominoes, looking at a book, a game - whatever it was, I had to look as if I was really concentrating. That would then give me some time to do other things while she played on her own for a bit. Obviously, you would need to do something that was physically comfortable for you, but it might give you some relief. HTH

Have you found an indoor play centre, ball pits and soft play areas. I practically moved into our local one during my pregnancies. Your ds can run around while you sit relatively relaxed. You will probably find a few playmates to keep your ds suitably entertained.
Then for those realy tiring days near the end treat him to a new vidio (not pc I know.) You can curl up together and watch it, he probably wont notice you dozing off part way through!
As for your ds general behaviour atm I would suggest he is just 'testing the boundaries'. He senses you are not controling things as you were before so he is seeing how far he can go. It will pass but it is worth trying to find ways of encouraging him to be a little more self sufficient as he will need these skills when you have a new babe to look after.
Best of luck

Thanks for all your comments. Glad to hear that this is normal behaviour whether pregnant or not. DS will start to go to playgroup in August, he could have gone now (paid for by the Council)but I just couldn't contemplate the early mornings and the 20 min walk, especially when the new baby arrives (maybe this was the wrong choice but it's too late now). He does attend a local creche for two hours a week while I go to aerobics classes (I know I'm complaining about being exhausted but somehow they do help and I will be giving them up soon) but I think it would be a good idea to make more use of the creche, perhaps to put him in for an hour or so while I go to the leisure centre cafe or something. As for TV I think this may have been what saved me in the first trimester, he had just discovered TV, and I didn't let myself feel too guilty about using it but now I suppose the novelty has worn off. I had planned on buying some new videos to keep him entertained when the new baby arrives but maybe it is a good idea to buy them now. Thanks for all your help, I will try and remember that this is normal 3 year old behaviour. Have to go I am going to take him to the Early Learning play morning this morning (only 5 mins from the house, thankfully) and I will see if this makes a difference to the day.

Sarah, I completely feel for you. My DD turned 3, when I was 30 weeks pregnant and it seemed as if the 'terrible threes' had hit (having missed the terrible twos!). Like you her change in behaviour coincided with my drop in energy and tolerance. 10 months down the track I can see that it was just a stage that she was going through - pushing the boundaries and all that and the fact that she was aware that I was becoming more focussed on the arrival of the baby and also too tired to give her the attention she had always had!

One of the things she specialised in was sitting down in a shop and refusing to move and there I would be with bump trying to carry this kicking child back to the car - it usually ended with us both in tears!

Anyway things that helped me 'cope' - definitely the video path! I did worry that I was encouraging her to become a tv head but the novelty did wear off and now she only wants to watch one now and then. I used to get her a new one each week from the library (for £1!) and I would lie on the sofa and she would sit beside me and I would get a good 90 minutes of rest. I also found that at 3 she enjoyed going to other children's houses and I found a few sympathetic Mothers who offered to have her for the afternoon now and then which helped. I also encourage my DH to do more with her and although I wish that I could go with them - I just needed the rest so badly! He would take her swimming / to the children's movie club on Saturday morning and to the park. Inside the house she also went through a stage where she just loved the bath - especially when the shower was running above it and it would slowly fill the bath up! I would just leave her in there, I could see her from my bed and catch up on some rest while she played. Although I would sometimes just sit on the loo and rest and read while she was in there!

It will be just a stage - for a few months after the birth of DS she was still hard work (fair enough considering what had happened!!!) then all of a sudden things improved greatly and now it is lovely.

Just try and rest as much a possible - everything seems easier when you are not so tired - good luck!

Thanks Indie I think I will just have to accept that this is a stage. Glad to hear I am not the only one with a bump who has had to carry a large toddler screaming out of a shop, at the time you feel like the only one. Getting the videos from the library is a good idea, I'll need to see if our library rents them out. I think ds is just pushing the boundaries this morning he was very excited when I told him we were going to the ELC play morning and listened politely when I explained he would have to be a good boy and let mummy get ready then when I was putting my clothes on in the other room he took a cup of juice through to his bedroom (something he is not allowed to do), sat on his bed and spilt it. He then came through to tell me what he had done and seemed rather pleased at the chaos (bed needing changed etc) he had caused, then when he came back from ELC he has been as demanding as ever. However I am just trying to go with the flow today, I was at my BodyPump class last night and feel 100% better than I did yesterday but I suppose this is no time to turn into a fitness freak. It is reassuring to hear from other mums who have been through the same thing whether pregnant or not at the same time, at least I now know ds is just normal!

SarahN - I have had my son (aged 2 and 8 months) run full tilt into my bump (now 38 weeks) and sometimes it seems like he just wants to climb all over me. I think as others have said toddlers are just curious and desperate to learn. I take my boy to 3 playgroups a week plus swimming. I fill in the time with videos and if I am in the kitchen he will play for ages with water and little jugs/pots etc at the sink. I put a bib and tie a towel round him as he does make a bit of a mess.

It may be too early for you but in due course you could try with his own doll/teddy with a pram, cot etc to 'look after'. Hope you keep well in your pregnancy.

Eualia thanks, you won't have long to go. All the best. I was going to take ds to the park today but the weather is a bit rotten. I do now think that turning down the playgroup place was a mistake as it is now all down to me to entertain him. He is a very energetic little boy, he does love swimming but I only manage to take him once a week, I'm sure he would go every day if he could, I'm a bit skint this month but maybe next month we will try and up that to twice a week as I quite like lounging in the baby pool, it's just like a warm bath, and ds is usually quite happy playing with the other kids and toys in the pool etc. Thanks for the tip about the doll he has a doll already that he baths and calls his baby brother and I did wonder whether it would be worth getting things like doll's nappies and other toiletries for him but I will leave that to nearer the time in case the novelty wears off. Thanks again and hope the next couple of weeks go well for you.