I don't think I want to give birth.

[TheBookofRuth]

34+2 with my second and I'm actually starting to feel quite scared by the prospect of having to give birth. I was in labour for 26 hours with DD before eventually having an EMCS, so I feel like I've experienced the worst of both worlds - the pain of labour and the painful recovery from a CS.

I need to decide soon whether I want a planned CS or try for a VBAC, and I really don't know. I'm terrified of being in pain for hours, of ending up needing forceps, of tearing so badly that things are never the same again down there. I'm terrified of spending ages in labour only to have to have another EMCS. But I'm also terrified of a planned CS, of weeks of feeling like my insides are going to fall out, of being scared to laugh, of having to spend days in hospital away from my little girl and then coming home and not being able to pick her up for a cuddle or sit her on my lap. I'm scared of having to inject myself every day for six weeks with blood thinners - my stomach was black and blue afterwards.

Basically, I just don't want to have to do this again, in any way. Bit late, eh?

Hubba some of us have to inject them for nine fricken months + a few weeks after! Oh well.

Sorry LucyB1, the last thing I want to do is frighten anyone else.

Thank you everyone for the advice and reassurance. I really don't know which option to go for, mainly I think because neither are what I really want. If I go for a VBAC it's going to be a very controlled, medicalised birth, just like it was with DD - lying down, not allowed to move around, strapped to a monitor and pumped full of antibiotics (tested positive for strep B last time so apparently this will be required again). The best part of labour last time was when we arrived at hospital in the middle of the night, and they just stuck me on the ward with some gas and air and left me to it. It was dark and quiet and private, and I don't remember struggling. But when the doctor (accompanied by assorted med students) did her rounds in the morning she took one look at me and said "why is this woman still here, she's clearly in distress. Get her into a delivery room and get her an epidural". I was hustled out and it all seemed to go downhill from there.

What I would really like is a home birth or at least to be in a MWL unit, but that wasn't an option with either birth.

Gennz and Petite its beyond me. I was amazed by the number of people (women in particular) that had this archaic view that all women should try and push a baby out. its what women have always done etc. etc. etc. etc. and if you don't you are some how failing, lazy, scared or and one of my favourites "you somehow wont feel a sense of achievement if you have a CS like you would if you gad a VB". It goes on and on and on....

I started a thread on this last year and you should see how heated it got. Some people truly feel/believe they have a right to tell you how you deliver your child. Really strange.

Yep. Very common over there. No-one gave a damn over here in France. Ditto re pain relief, breast or bottle feeding, age of weaning etc etc.

What makes me fume is (depending on area and social circle I guess) I've had woman after woman after woman tell me "everyone is pressurised to to have evil pain relief and hospital birth, natural is best..." and yet all the pressure/judgement I have had has been pro natural pressure.

They don't seem to realise that it's very polarised - I dare say in some places all the pressure is the other way - meaning hardly anyone gets a good informed 50/50 choice and isn't made to feel bad.

And don't get me started on the 'if you make the right choices it will go well' brigade. They never know where to look when I point out I know very well that nature can be a cruel bitch having had several losses before now, and view anyone who thinks PMA is all that's needed as rather naive.

Totally squizita!! I've never felt pressure to have a CS - even from peopel who had one and were really positive about it (they've said "mine was great, just do what's best for you") but have have had some really forceful, overbearing discussions with people who've had natural births: "you must push it out! Tell her she has to push it out! What are you, too posh to push?" Some of these people I don't even know very well - they're workmates who I am on friendly terms with but don't work with closely for example - and suddenly they're invested in the state of my vagina!

One of my friends is particularly wound up abouthow I must have a natural birth. Ironically she had a terrible delivery with her first child and neede to go straight to surgery under GA to repair a 4th degree tear. If I'm going to have childbirth-related surgery I would much rather it was a controlled ELCS!

Sorry OP I've derailed your thread

And don't get me started on the 'if you make the right choices it will go well' brigade... Anyone who thinks PMA is all that's needed as rather naive.

Exactly. Not only naive, but incredibly offensive.

Ah but squiz you're a special case :) you must be near the end now? Good luck!

OP, I hope you're able to make your decision without any more hassle from other people. Someone actually asked me after I'd had DC1 whether I felt I'd missed out by having an ELCS. Anothet said 'never mind, you can have a proper birth next time.' Erm, no and no thanks!