First midwife appointment/feeling detached

[valentina39]

Hi.

I have my first appointment with the midwife tomorrow.. What shall I expect? I'm 9 wks 5 days.

This is an awful question but can she tell if the baby is still there.. I'm so worried about having a missed miscarriage.

I haven't told a lot of people.. Hardly anyone (one friend). I can't bear the thought of people being more excited than me... I feel so detached at the moment...

I get waves of excitement but then waves of "my life is never going to be the same, how will I cope without sleep, what if I don't love the baby"

I think it's because I'm an older mum..39

I don't know.. Once I see the scan I'm sure things will change.

Its natural to feel all sorts of mixed emotions in the early weeks, your hormones are all over the place. You can probably expect it to be a booking appointment where you may/may not get bloods taken, go through a shit load of paper work to build up your green notes which you will take with you to every appointment. You'll be put down to get your first scan appointment based on what hospital you choose. She will also calculate a rough estimation as to when you will be due which will be confirmed at your first scan. Try not to worry, take your folic acid and get plenty of rest.

They take your BP, will dip your urine for infections and glucose, and will take your bloods.

They'll go through you and your partner's medical history and your family's. They'll calculate your risk according to all that.

No, they can't tell if the baby is there I'm afraid, they won't start trying to listen for a heartbeat til at least 16 weeks, sometimes even later, it depends on the hospital.

It can take a while!

Oh, they'll probably give you some information about the scan and the combined tests, as well as work out your due date.

You may not get your scan date, mine came through the post separately.

Valentina, I was the same before the scan when I saw her. I don't think anybody can give you confirmation of the pregnancy before the scan (though you could have an earlier scan privately if you wanted). Don't think I could let myself get excited until I knew there was a pregnancy. For me when I felt her move was another big step. I am a similar age to you.

She is now 5 weeks old and I am really enjoying being a Mum. She is so much more interesting than I thought. Already we see new glimmers of her personality every day. I think I'm lucky because she sleeps really well between feeds at night, but its not nearly as tiring as I was expecting, so don't assume a new baby will be all hard grind. There is so much lovely stuff too (and yes, if you're lucky, even sleep, though meal times and temperatures are a bit random )

LT xx

I felt very detached during my pregnancy to ds (now 18 months). I could not understand how on earth I could have a bond to this unborn creature that seemed to exist only to make me feel like crap. Scans made me feel depressed as I just didn't feel anything, and I felt that I ought to.

I am pregnant again and this time I'm far less fussed about my apathy. I bonded with ds 24 hours after an EMCS and so I feel fairly confidant that I'll love this one too.

I think most people get the fear / panic about how their life will change, no matter how planned the baby. In fact, I think it's almost stranger not to be a bit over-whelmed by it all. I definitely found the whole thing surreal at first as well (must have done about 20 pregnancy test in the first trimester because I just didn't believe it).

Your midwife tomorrow will largely just take a detailed medical history and also do bloods, urine dip, blood pressure etc. Unfortunately no there is no way to tell about the missed miscarriage at this stage, as my understanding (please someone correct me if I'm wrong) is that they can only really tell this at the first scan. If you're really worried maybe look into having a private early reassurance scan? xx

I feel the same, you are definitely not alone. I've wanted to be a mum for as long as I can remember, and worried that I'd left it too late. Now it's all happening, I'm worried about loosing my own life! Also the fatigue, sickness and mood swings make it difficult to be as excited as I want to be. Not being about to talk with people just adds to the problem.

I reckon once we're over this first stage, seen the scan and made an announcement, things will be sooo much better, and we'll allow ourselves to get excited. Fingers crossed

Valentina I could have written your post a few weeks ago. I'm 40, wanted to be a mother for a long time, but in the last few years had reconciled myself to it never happening.

I fell pregnant unexpectedly last summer, but had an mmc which was picked up at 8 weeks by an early scan. I was very sad, but pulled myself together and got on with life. I expected it to never happen again. I then got pregnant again in March and am now 14 weeks.

Whether it's because of the mmc, or because I have a life with relatively few responsibilities and a great group of friends who have chosen to be child free, I spent the first 10 weeks or so filled with gloom at everything I thought I would be losing. I felt very little at a reassurance scan at 7+4, and even at my 12 week scan, all I felt was anxious, not much excitement at all.

I do think that the first trimester is very difficult. I felt really isolated as well, it's hard not being able to tell many people. I did tell a select few though and they helped to get me through. I recommend an early scan if you can afford one (or, if you have a history of mc, ask your gp if they can refer you for one on the nhs, as mine did).

I am still scared of losing my old life, but it is slowly getting more real and more exciting.

At 8+5 I paid £85 for a private scan, there are ones out there for £45 however but i wanted medical reassurance rather than just someone who knows how to work the machine. It was the best money i'd ever spent, i could enjoy the next 3-4 weeks till nhs scan, we told immediate family and close friends and it was lovely. I was driving myself and dh nuts on google looking at mmc's, dangerous place google, stay away, i barely had ms which panicked me as it's sometimes a sign of a good healthy pregnancy. Anyway i'm now 27+3 everything been perfect.

Hey thank you so much for the reply..

And good luck with your little bundle of joy. What a lovely story...

I hope to be excited.. I'm sure I will. Maybe because we are older it's harder to accept the changes. I have had a scan and I saw a heartbeat at 6wks 2 days.. It all seems like a distant memory now... And I can't believe it's happenening as I spent so long thinking it just wouldn't.

I'll give my belly a rub tonight ??

Just on my way home from the pub.. Where I met friends and had to pretend to drink and make up an excuse to leave early.... How I missed the wine.??

Thanks again... And good luck.