The fear..

[ohthegoats]

.. I've got it.

Not about childbirth, or even having the responsibility of a new born baby - despite those things being the biggies - but about work and careers, money (lots about money), the death of ambition.

It's only come on in the last week or so (24 weeks pregnant now), but I'm beginning to think that it's going to affect my sleep for some time to come.

What can I do to help myself? Have you had the fear? What made it go away?

I am slightly fearful about being on mat leave - holidays from school are fine but the summer one I'm usually ready to get back. Told someone ( a head who's a friend) today and she said oh you won't be looking to move schools for a few years then - you'll have other stuff on your mind. Was slightly concerned that my job prospects are withering in front of me!!!

Exactly the same here. I know it's unreasonable, I HOPE to have other stuff on my mind to be honest, but it's really hard to imagine when your career has been so massively important for 20 years! I dread the summer holidays, I'm planning on going back in September for 3 weeks, right up to EDD, just because I can't imagine being off for potentially 3 months from July to October.

I am so with you. When people say my life will change it hasn't sunk in and I can't yet envisage it.

Yep it's definitely sinking in! I was introduced the other day as someone soon to be on maternity leave, I really wanted to shout, 'but I have other qualities!!' I'm thinking I need to put some work things in place for myself so that I'm not at such a loss when I get back to work (mainly because I have several jobs and the ones which would fit most easily around childcare aren't necessarily the ones I want to be doing long term). There is a scary thing about potentially losing a bit part of your identity though isn't there? Ever since I've been pregnant, people will ask my dh about his work but not me, people seem to have forgotten that i work too!

Pregnancy hormones change your brain (forever) & can actually change your priorities. They didn't have the effect on me until about 34 weeks, though.

I believe pregnancy is a journey and you just need to take it one day at a time.

I'm frightened of not being able to afford a kid, doing things wrong and depriving it of stimulation, or being an awful full-on-soccer-mum. I'm frightened I'll be frumpy, or coldly trying to regain my youth, that DH will hate my new body/personality etc.

You name it I worry about it.

potentially losing a bit part of your identity though isn't there?

Absolutely. I hear normal conversation in the staff room when I'm not sat with them, the minute I sit down it's all baby conversation. I'm not interested in that really, but it seems the only thing people think I have to talk about these days. I'M YOUR BOSS is mostly what I want to shout... let's slag off Gove or something.

frightened of not being able to afford a kid, doing things wrong and depriving it of stimulation

I've been informed I'm the 'exciting parent' and boyfriend will be the 'calm one' (he's the one doing the informing)... hence massive panic about not being exciting enough, or being able to come up with ideas for exciting things, or even being awake enough to care about doing something that doesn't involve sitting it in front of a screen. Argh.

"You name it I worry about it."

That's probably the pregnancy hormones at work on your brain.

I'm not kidding and I didn't make this stuff up.
Hormones do serious changes to brains.

Nah its the clinical anxiety. I've actually got better since I had CBT for pregnancy after losses! At least I know its weird now!

Me too. I'm 30 wks and finish work in 5 weeks. I'm really organised so I'll have all my baby stuff by then and I have no idea how I'll keep myself occupied until baby arrives. I'm worrying about money although I've done all my budgets and I think we'll be fine. But what worries me most is what happens when I go back to work ie over a year away! I will be going back full time and just can't see how it will all work with nursery drop offs/pick ups, keeping my career on track, keeping in touch with friends many of whom don't have kids......