Getting Older Siblings Involved

[spence24]

We're expecting our first together early 2015, OH has an 8 year old daughter from previous relationship. She lives with us most of the time. We're not telling her until after first scan, but we want her to be as involved as possible.

Has anyone any tips, advice or experience in how to go about this without overwhelming her or making her mum (OH's ex-wife) feel put out. We're all very amicable and would like to keep it that way.

I'm very liberal and open and relaxed about most things so not much shocks me at all, we have even discussed the possibility of having her present at delivery but might be too much for her...

My son is 12 and has been learning a lot about pregnancy in school so he was very excited and involved. We took him.along to a private scan to meet his sister at 28 weeks (we chose to do the important scans without him in case there were any problems) and he has been involved in choosing the colour scheme for her room and clothes etc, and he made a bear at the bear factory thingy for her. He won't be at the birth but his dad has promised to drive him straight over after the birth as long as it isn't too late. We told him first in the family and he decided to tell his dad and his DP for Christmas (not what I would have done but hey ho!)
I think when they are a little older it's easier as there isn't a need for jealousy in the same way.
Congratulations on your pregnancy :)

We took out older children to a private scan to find out if it was a boy or girl. That was exciting although I did worry what would happen if the scan found something wrong and the children were there. We took my Mum with us aswel for exactly that eventuality - incase we needed the children to leave the room. No need tho.

Now that baby is moving, my children are loving feeling baby kick and talking to her.

Oh yes - our children were the first people we told about the baby. That was very important too.

Thanks guys, we're thinking of doing similar things. We're only 6 weeks at the moment and have decided not to tell her until the 12 week safety point just in case, but she'll be the first to know as soon as we go public. She is a lovely girl, very kind and caring and we just know she'll be ecstatic. My biggest concern is the questions that may come up, I don't want to be treading on her mum's toes with those big important conversations...

I have a 10 year old and 7 year old and we waited until I had a scan at 10 weeks (not planned - due to bleeding) and felt that we could take the risk and tell them. We asked them to wait until the 13 week scan and the results of the harmony test before they told everyone which they managed to do (it was hard for them!).

They came with us to the 20 week scan. We had them wait outside in the waiting room while the sonographer did the important stuff and we knew all was OK. When she was just taking measurements and checking minor things, we allowed them to come in. It was a really lovely moment.

I wouldn't have my children there at delivery though. It'd scare the hell out of them to see me like that and I'd feel really uncomfortable doing what I needed to do because I'd be aware of how it may impact upon them.

You can get her involved in the fun stuff - choosing a name, decorating a nursery, going shopping for the things you need.

There are also some nice books for siblings as well which you can read together. I got up one morning a few weeks ago and my 7 year old was reading one of the books and taking down notes on what babies do :)

I've been searching for suitable books for her to read or us to read together, but they all seem to be aimed at younger children - do you have any recommendations?

Spence the main questions I've had so far was about the Labour, like, does it hurt, will it take a long time, is it dangerous etc. I answered as honestly as I felt he could manage - I did raise my eyebrows when he started querying my diet, such as, 'did you tell the midwife you've been drinking' (one glass of wine at the weekend!!) And, don't forget your vitamins, lol!
When he shows an interest I show him the photos from the email and pregnancy app as that seems to be scientific enough for him :)

Oh that's good to know, thanks! OH is keen to have her involved too. He was there for her birth etc but his ex kept her pregnancy a bit closed off, wouldn't discuss stuff with him due to body and self esteem issues, so he wants to make sure he is I valved as much as I want him to be this time and also to show his daughter that there is nothing to hide or be ashamed of - this is how life is, this is how we all get here!

We got these:
How to Be a Baby . . . by Me, the Big Sister by Sally Lloyd Jones
How Was I Born? by Lennart Nilsson (a bit, umm, graphic at times but sounds like you're comfortable with that).

Thanks, I'll check those out now, much appreciated!