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Original poster

7 week old baby and I feel useless

16 replies

Sweetpea86 · 05/06/2014 18:06

Sorry that it's in the pregancy forum but I used this one while pregnant.

Bit of a whingey post. I just need to advice. I feel utterly crap.

Things were going good untill this week I suddenly feel like my little baby boy hates me. I'm on my own with him all day and he crys none stop. It's not colic or any thing like that just a whinging type of cry. As soon as hubby comes home from work he settles and with sit in his bouncer content.

If you hubby cuddles him he's smiling away happy but when he comes to me he gets upset.

Through the day I interact with him, read him books ( I know he's young but I like it) I cuddle him tell him I love him, play with him on his mat do tummy time. Feed him change his nappy straight away ( yet hubby won't)

And I just feel like he hates me. 30 mins ago he was sat with his dad happy smiling, my hubby went out for 30 mins and he came to me and started crying. I don't know what to do I'm exhausted feeling utterly crap down, and a failure.

Please tell me what I'm doing wrong

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Gen35 · 05/06/2014 18:16

You could get more advice in parenting - I don't think you're doing anything wrong at all, little babies are tough and they all have their bad and good patches, perhaps this week he's just a bit grumbly and feels better by the evening? Maybe since the baby is happy with dad in the evenings it's time to get out and meet a few friends or gym or something for you to cheer you up, or even just go have a bath and a nap. Are you getting out in the day?

Martie1 · 05/06/2014 18:17

Hey, im not sure that I know what Im talking about as I am pregnant with dc1 however maybe you are having a bit of pnd. There is no way your baby hates you. Have you spoken to anyone in real life about this? A friend or family member who has children and might know?

Your baby definitely does not hate your or prefer its dad.

MummaSmurf1 · 05/06/2014 18:17

I've no experience but it could be that baby is picking up on your stress. No advice, but your baby loves you. Hopefully a pro has something more useful to add!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 05/06/2014 18:22

It really will be just a phase, it's the one thing I've learnt about parenting is 'this too shall pass'.

I agree about you getting some time to rest with your baby is with DH. Go out, have a nap or shower, whatever. And yes they do pick up on stress so it's important you relax too.

Martie1 · 05/06/2014 18:24

I like Gen's advise- it's nice and bright in the evenings, maybe take the opportunity to at least head out for a wee walk, and a breath of fresh air and some free headspace!

UML · 05/06/2014 18:26

I used to find that my babies were fussy with me because of me being the mum .. So they could smell milk etc. and used to suddenly want to feed just for comfort etc. so would get fussy etx.

Babies go through all sorts if phases maybe give it time!

Gen35 · 05/06/2014 18:31

I was going to say UML that I also had that, dh could settle dd so much easier when there was no chance of food! It swings about though, dd's gone through many mummy or daddy phases over the last nearly 4 yrs, she loves and needs us both, as does op's ds.

Dollybird86 · 05/06/2014 18:32

Hi hun firstly I wanted to say you are doing an amazing job!! He's alive clean and fed!

Small babies get over stimulated very easily he's only tiny a cuddle and some songs when changing him or a bright toy for a bit while he's awake is probably enough, does he like being cuddled close to you? If so maybe look into a sling they were a god send when do was tiny (I couldn't put her down ever!)

Do you have any support someone to go have a coffee with and moan to? Being in day after day with a tiny baby can be quite over whelming or new mum groups?

Lastly do you feel anxious? That's he's not happy not eating enough or just generally ( I was terrified that do was going to die Every time she went to sleep for about 4 months!) Babies can pick up on this and this why he might settle with his dad as men are generally a lot more blah about EVERYTHING!

callamia · 05/06/2014 18:42

I remember feeling like this. I went through feeling like my baby hated me because he never smiled at me, only at his dad and random strangers. I had him all day long (and saw him overnight), and yet he seemed just not to like me at all.

You're not doing anything wrong at all. At this age, I'd do whatever makes you happy. Go to groups? See friends for coffee and walks? Sit in the park with your baby? This stage will change, and your lovely baby will cheer up!

MrsPatMustard · 05/06/2014 18:44

My NCT coordinator told me something very similar to UML's post. Babies smell milk from Mum and it sometimes gets them fractious.

I don't think you're a useless Mum but you're probably a very tired one who could use a break. It's bloody exhausting being a new Mum. I found the first few months really hard. Is there any friend/family member who could come in for a few hours a week and give you a break?

RoseberryTopping · 05/06/2014 18:51

Agree with everyone else's advice here. Please remember that your baby doesn't hate you, at the moment he is just a little soul who has no real emotions other than feeling content, angry at being hungry or frustrated. You're doing a fab job and as he gets older things will change.

millabbie123 · 05/06/2014 18:57

Your baby does'nt hate being with them all day can be long and you can over analyse everything. Your baby knows your voice, your smell you are the one secure thing in this world. Take a little bit of time for yourself and remember none of us are experts in the early weeks they get to know you and you get to know them

Roxie85 · 05/06/2014 20:08

Your baby loves you and you are doing a fab job. Being a mum is tough, really tough and there are definitely good weeks and bad weeks. I agree that i think they smell milk. At the start sometimes the only thing that would settle my little girl was a feed. I found it tough that at that age you dont get much back from them with them only just smiling etc if you see what i mean.
The tough times are a bit easier when they start giggling at you (well thats what i find anyway)
Try and go for a walk as the fresh air can help and trust that you are doing great.

duvetfan · 05/06/2014 20:51

I totally agree with UML, I couldn't settle my DS and felt like a failure (but he didn't cry too much but when he did he had to go to my DH. He is now 2 and a cuddley wee boy who tells me daily that he loves me. It is a phase and it will pass. You're doing a great job- its bloody tough.

OnABabyDiet · 05/06/2014 21:22

I read this post out to dh and he said "that could've been you posting that 2yrs ago!" I was exactly the same with dd1. I was sure she hated me and idolised hubby and it made the first few months very difficult.
In hindsight it was a combination of her being tired and overstimulated and therefore fractious, and me judging myself too harshly and thinking everything would be wonderful and happy with new teeny tiny baby.
Please don't worry.

mineofuselessinformation · 05/06/2014 21:32

UML speaks a lot of sense.
And to take a different view on a pp's suggestion, why not get DH to take him out for a walk in the evening, while you SLEEP. It sounds like you're worn out to me.
It does get better, I promise.

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