My anxiety is coming back

[allisgood1]

I have always suffered from anxiety and for the past 10 years have controlled it with antidepressants. I came off last aug and everything has been fine but in the last week I can feel it creeping back. It stems/shows in the form of me being scared one of the kids will get a stomach bug which I will then catch. This doesn't mean it's about vomiting though, that's just how it shows, it's likely many other things . I am beyond scared to give birth. This is DC3. Dd1 was a traumatic birth, dd2 was more controlled because I was induced and not as traumatic. This time I am giving birth on the NHS and terrified I won't be in control, they won't give me an epidural ("because you're not in enough pain") or something else going wrong (friend had midwives change shift as she was crowning and has had to have several vaginal surgeries since to repair the damage ). Do I mention this to my consultant? When the midwife saw I had been on antidepressants in my notes she immediately referred me to a mental health midwife. They never contacted me. I don't want them involved or getting SS involved. I have a supportive family, I'm just really anxious and don't feel I am a risk to myself or others. I don't want to take any meds while I am pregnant, but happy to restart once baby is born, as I did with the other two. Have tried CBT but although a lovely idea, never works for me in practice and the counsellor usually gives up on me. It is all very well controlled on meds though. I feel like such a loser for even feeling like this, and really unsure if I should mention to my consultant (he knows me well), or leave it until after I've had the baby?

Are you consultant led for the pregnancy or is your consultant for your mental health? Either way, I think it's worth mentioning your worries. You clearly have insight into your anxiety but it sounds like bottling it all up is making it worse.

From the limited info in your post, I don't see any reason why SS would take any interest in you and your family. I wonder whether the MH midwife could be a better support to you; they're bound to have experience of anxiety.

You are not a loser. You are unwell, you haven't asked for this. Try and be kind to yourself.

Thanks testing. I am consultant led for reasons other than mental health.

Then it might be worth talking to them, but the specialist midwife might have better knowledge. It sounds like you have confidence in your consultant though so I think it might make sense to start with them. Maybe write a list of the things worrying you, prioritising the worst ones.

Have you ever tried NLP? I used it for phobias/trauma and it helped.
It would definitely help if a MW could give you extra attention, maybe talk you through all the different responses you might go through for pain relief or even to put it on your notes as "do not deny/delay epidural".