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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Baby shower???

28 replies

Misscocopops · 26/05/2014 23:40

Hi ladies,

I was just wondering the general thoughts on baby showers? I'm 23 weeks and can't decide if I find the whole thing tacky or nice, but it's more the 'expecting presents' side to things.
If I was to have one it would be a casual thing, close friends and family (I'm not really a massive social butterfly) and just at my house and I would lay on some nice food.
I don't expect presents of people, but at the same time I know those closest to me will want to to buy me some little bits and bobs.
The internet threw up some old threads on it but I couldn't find anything after 2012. Has it become acceptable and common practice?
I kind of think as long as I only invite people that are actually close to me - and not make the whole thing cheesy (smell the nappy games etc!!) that it would be ok... But I don't want people thinking I just want presents off them!

So thoughts on them? Are you having one? Also if yes, then when is the right time to have one??

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BobPatandIgglePiggle · 26/05/2014 23:43

I don't like them. All too American for me - aacceptable in America because most people seem to have them but not so much here.

Even worse to throw your own though.

Honest opinion - hope I haven't offended.

expatinscotland · 26/05/2014 23:44

You don't throw your own shower.

gamerchick · 26/05/2014 23:45

I wouldn't go to one but thankfully hasn't caught on around here yet.

You're really not supposed to throw your own though apparently.. if you want a party then you don't need an excuse and then the whole present thing isn't an issue. Unless that is what you're secretly after

meditrina · 26/05/2014 23:47

Shower is short for "shower with gifts" which is why you should never host your own.

If you're not bothered about gifts, and just want a nice party before the baby comes, don't call it a shower.

Noappointmentnecessary · 26/05/2014 23:49

Do it. I hosted one for my sister and went to my friends. Loved it. People will be so generous and buy baby lots of things which is so kind of them. It's a good way to get together before with your friends and celebrate. Hope you have one. X

SoonToBeSix · 26/05/2014 23:53

I have had three I was touched really enjoyed the games but was very embarrassed opening the gifts in front of people . Also like people say you can't host your own.

Monkeybubbles1 · 27/05/2014 00:04

It's tacky and dead boring for everyone else. I went to one last weekend and was bored to death for 4 hours with baby talk and baby/ pregnancy themed games. Unnecessary for all involved.

wafflyversatile · 27/05/2014 00:15

the people who you would want to invite will give you presents after the baby is born. You don't need a baby shower for that. If you want to see your friends then you can arrange that any time at your house or elsewhere without the need to theme it as a baby shower.

Heatherbell1978 · 27/05/2014 07:44

I don't like them, far too tacky. I'm due in August and planning to have an afternoon out with the girls or something just before the baby is born but that's more about me not seeing them for a while after baby arrives rather than doing something 'baby focused'. A lot of them don't have babies either so I think they'd find it rather tedious....

mssleepyhead · 27/05/2014 08:16

It's a shame people feel so negatively about them... Whilst I'm not planning one myself (I don't really have one group of girlfriends and think it would be a bit strange to get everyone from all different groups together) my sister held one before her baby was born and it was LOVELY! it was more like an afternoon/tea party thing and a nice chance for us to get together and celebrate the coming motherhood. Presents felt like a very small part of it, and although everyone brought a little gift it really didn't feel over the top or like it was all about the presents. It was just a nice get together of friends and family. I don't think it has to be cheesy or tacky and if you would like to do it, go for it!

Mummyto3tobe · 27/05/2014 13:05

to say it was 'dead boring for everyone else' is a bit self centred. the point of a baby shower is to make mother and baby the centre of attention - if you think it will be boring then quite frankly don't go!
I am pregnant with my third and my friends/family have never done one for me although ive tried dropping a few hints this time around in the hope they will! ha. Not a huge deal, would just be nice for all of your closest friends and family to be together celebrating your new impending arrival :-)

Monkeybubbles1 · 27/05/2014 13:36

It was boring- too many games which dragged on quite frankly and left little opportunity to interact and speak to mother to be which would have been lively. It's not self centred, I went fully intending to celebrate mother to be, but 4 hours into eating chocolate out of a nappy and trying to guess what kind it was, then yes I and others where twitching and ready to leave. There's better and classier ways to celebrate mum to be and give gifts. A nice meal would have done it perfectly and saved the torture.

Monkeybubbles1 · 27/05/2014 13:37

And just to add, mum to be seemed dead bored of it herself as host of the shower did manage to drag it out.

ohthegoats · 27/05/2014 13:42

I went to one nice one, which was actually just a tea at the pregnant person's mum's house. I met some really interesting women at that actually. No presents expected (or allowed), so it was just a gathering.

I've been to several that were awful and tacky and I hated being there.

If someone throws one for me I'll be gutted. It's not my speed at all. I find it a bit weird to celebrate something that hasn't happened yet.

Monkeybubbles1 · 27/05/2014 13:43

And to reply to you Mummyto3tobe, I didn't know it would be so boring or drawn out, it was the first baby shower I'd ever been to, and from the experience I and others had, I will not be attending another.

LittleRedDinosaur · 27/05/2014 13:47

Why not just invite some friends over and do something nice? Must admit that the whole idea of a baby shower sounds awful to me but a casual invitation to spend time with a friend before the baby is born would be lovely. Calling it a baby shower will get some people's backs up

Jersey37 · 27/05/2014 13:50

I'm American... but I think I moved here to get away from stuff like this. I find it all very forced and tacky, personally. All the cooing and oohing over baby presents make me feel nauseated. Oh and the stupid diaper cakes... But, I am not a girly girl and some people love that sort of stuff. I would say that going out to lunch or having a lunch with close friends sounds like a great idea... but no need to make it the centre of the reason to get together. Use it as an excuse to get together before baby is both seen and heard and your whole world revolves around baby!

mollysmummy1970 · 27/05/2014 14:01

Do u have a sister or mum that could have one at their house? My mum hosted mine at hers with help from my two sisters and it was lovely. Think hosting it myself would've been too much at 38weeks.

I think you're either into them or your not, me and my friends are all very similar minded so we have all enjoyed everybody's. I only had those closest to me aswell because they all wanted to share my excitement the same way I have done with them.

With regards to the gift thing, I personally prefer to give the presents beforehand anyway, after my DS was born and the weeks after I felt very overwhelmed by everything and felt I didnt take In the generosity of people. Where as at my baby shower i was able to have a good look at everything organise things before DS arrived.

Overall I think it can be a really nice thing when done properly! I hope u enjoy it!

Redling · 27/05/2014 14:39

I've just invited all my friends round for a party at our house to celebrate is having a baby and see everyone before baby comes, it's not female only so my husband and male friends will be there as well, so not really a shower but a party for all our friends.

I've been to a few showers for friends before though, and never resented them or begrudged the mother for having one, I'm really surprised to see how people on here feel! It's not like I wasn't going to buy a present for the babies anyway, I certainly don't think any of my friends will think I'm present begging by wanting to celebrate our having a baby! I don't expect anything, just want a party!

Itsfab · 27/05/2014 14:48

I think they are awful and I would be worried about tempting fate before the baby is safely here.

If you genuinely want a get together and no presents then be clear on that. If you want presents then don't pretend you don't.

flymo79 · 27/05/2014 15:29

Some friends are having a party in a pub, they have made it clear there is no expectation to bring anything, they just have a lot of friends who they wanted to see before the baby arrives. So a bit like you'd have on your birthday. As for us we seem to have amassed a lot of second hand stuff and feel quite prepared so I wouldn't want to put people in a position where they were buying something without knowing if we really needed it. So I'm just hoping that our nearest and dearest will actually ask what we need and those who want to buy us something useless when baby is here will hopefully be minimal. I do think showers are seen as a gifting opportunity, whereas if you have people over to dinner/afternoon tea as a last chance to get together whilst you can still eat with both hands is a totally different set-up. I remember the first shower I went to was arranged by an american girl for a colleague and she had us all playing games, it felt ludicrous for grown women to be doing it, and not really my scene. A bit like hen parties with humiliating games and stuff when all you want is to go to the pub! but I'm a bit of an easily-cringed brit....

squizita · 27/05/2014 16:25

I am too superstitious to have one for personal reasons. I've attended a few.

Best was at a restaurant and really laid back - no pressure with gifts, just games, fun etc.
Worst was hosted by a well off American for a British friend. She wrote down the gift AND COST of every present in a book with us there. It became silent and awkward. Big cultural difference!

If I were brave enough to have one I might just call it a 'party'. I would also prefer donations to a charity to presents (eg Tommy's or Gt Osmond St or Charm), just a personal thing no pressure.

SouthDerbyshireMamma · 27/05/2014 16:38

I personally don't like them. I got wind my friends were thinking of organising one but I put them off.

I'm making sure I have plenty of meet ups with the girls pre baby. We have been for lunch, had afternoon tea, been to the cinema etc. I want to spend time with my friends and not be centre of attention. It shouldn't all revolve around me just because I'm carrying a little person.

Frangipane1976 · 27/05/2014 16:42

My husband threw me one a few weeks ago, 25 good friends, afternoon tea at a local tea room, Pimms and no tacky games. Just lots of chat in lovely sunshine. Not everyone brought a gift which was exactly what I'd have hoped for, the gifts thing made me feel very presumptuous. He paid for the whole thing so nobody had to put their hand in their pocket. Was a fab afternoon.

corduroybear · 27/05/2014 16:55

They're flipping amazing and you should have one.

You don't need presents, you don't need crappy baby talk, you don't need horrendous baby-themed games.

It's an excuse to get together a bunch of your closest girlfriends before the baby is born (since, let's face it, it ain't gonna happen for a while after the baby gets here!). Eat some nice food, gossip, just hang out. Spoil the mum-to-be: pregnancy is hard and a new baby is very exciting and special (irrespective of what number in the family it is - I fully intend to have a shower for #3!).

You have bridal showers before a wedding to celebrate a huge event in a woman's life: why not before a baby?

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