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Original poster

How you feel after labour... what i would have liked to have known New mummys

27 replies

Rosie2011 · 26/05/2014 16:15

Firstly i was not prepared for this overwhelming LOVE i have for this little person. There is nothing in this world that could ever compare to this feeling. Im besotted!

I didnt realise you would bleed for about 5 weeks after pregnancy. No one explained this to me, i thought maybe a few days but not so long. So my advice is to stock up on maternity pads from Boots. Also nursing pads johnsons.

Breasts were so painful - so make sure you have some nurofen on hand. I would also suggest frozen peas in the fridge! This helped me alot. I started producing milk about 3 days after.

Also if you tear or have a graze like i did, i got some chamomile oil and every eve after baby arrived i had a warm bath with three drops of the oil. Im sure it helped.

When people wonder if they are having contractions like i did...all i can say is when you have one there will be no doubt about it whether or not its a contraction. It will feel very different to anything you have felt.

Dont wait to go into hospital. if i had waited i would have had my baby in the footwell in the car. My contractions were every 5 mins for 30 mins then within minutes were two minutes apart. My labour was 2.5 hours!

Gas and air- This is brilliant but make sure you use it properly and really take in the gas slowly. I started to panic and as i was breathing so fast it wasnt doing anything. The minute i slowed down it started to work. Brilliant stuff!

Birthing Plan- Sorry to say this but it goes out the window. You have no idea what position is comfortable for you until you are in labour! i ended up sitting on a stool with my husband behind me on another stool! Not what i had planned! But it worked :-)

Get as much sleep before your baby turns up and dont be so anxious to get them out like i was. I tried everything to rasberry leaf tea to walking up hills. I know its frustrating but i believe my baby was ready because on the day i went into labour i was so chilled out. Had a lovely walk with the dogs and then had a bath. 1.09am first contraction.

Its hard work with your partner especially if its your first... you are both so excited but at the same time trying to do everything right and are over tired after the first few days. Really easy to snap at eachother. So just make sure you just listen to eachother and not argue.

Good luck everyone. Im now sat cuddling my very new 2 week year old baby harry xx

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StealthPolarBear · 26/05/2014 16:17

Congratulations :o
I'd add that every labour and every woman's experience is different

CoolCat2014 · 26/05/2014 18:17

Good advice, thanks :)

PenguinsHatchedAnEgg · 26/05/2014 18:58

Congratulations!

I would echo what Stealth said too though. I think that the best advice anyone can give a pregnant woman is that you won't know what your experience will be until you've had it. E.g. your labour could be short and you're glad you went to hospital fast. It could be long and you get sent home twice. You could love gas and air or hate it. It could go brilliantly, very badly or anywhere in between. Your birth plan could work out to the letter, or go out the window...

squizita · 26/05/2014 19:17

Birthing Plan- Sorry to say this but it goes out the window.

Blooming hope not every time. For some of us it's not just 'preferences' but clinical: a big sign saying "raised risk of thrombosis" and "placenta must be couriered to xyz for pathology* so they don't have to filter through our full notes. Shock

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 26/05/2014 19:22

My MW stuck like glue to my birthing plan. She took every word in and actively managed my labour and delivery according to it.

PenguinsHatchedAnEgg · 26/05/2014 19:28

Squiz - to be fair, I think most people think of the 'birth plan' as being the preferences bit. It's actually partly why I would put important clinical stuff separate/at the top in big letters.

2014MrsH · 26/05/2014 19:30

Wow that's great advice, thank you for sharing!

And congrats on your little one x

Weegiemum · 26/05/2014 19:32

I'd have liked to know that when you stand up after birth it would look like your insides were bleeding out!

Apart from that, it was fine!!

Geminiwitch22 · 26/05/2014 19:49

Sorry to say agree with Squizita, about the birthing plan in my case. Though I would like to thank Rosie, alleviating those worries I have.

squizita · 26/05/2014 20:00

Penguins I am going to have a laminated card with the key bullet points in my handbag and in DHs sweaty palm at all times just in case of unexpected or fast labour!

PenguinsHatchedAnEgg · 26/05/2014 20:03

Good plan! I'd paper clip a copy to the outside of your notes too, so no one can pick them up without seeing it Smile

Sweetmotherfudger · 26/05/2014 20:15

I'd also say sometimes you don't get an overwhelming sense of love. You know you want to keep the baby and you like it but no thunderbolt moment. That's fine. It will come but don't worry if it doesn't happen straight away.

PenguinsHatchedAnEgg · 26/05/2014 20:28

That was the case for me with no.1. More of a slow burn. Then DC3, who was a surprise and who I didn't feel I bonded with as a bump, was a total thunderbolt.

whereisshe · 26/05/2014 20:52

I'd echo what Sweet said. I was mostly baffled and overwhelmed, no bolt of unconditional love. I felt quite attached to DD from the outset, but the overwhelming love took about 4 months...

Cariad007 · 26/05/2014 21:59

No one tells you that for about a week post-birth you feel like you've been hit by a bus as everything, even arms and legs, ache and it takes at least a few minutes to get out of bed!

weebairn · 27/05/2014 06:15

I'm glad I put off calling the midwife for as long as I did - I was 7cm when she arrived after 20 hours of contractions, and it was still another 10 hours of contractions to go….! Everyone is different.

I agree with don't be so anxious to get them out but it is hard!

Congratulations :)

Roxie85 · 27/05/2014 06:23

I have to add that i had no idea i was having contractions to begin with. In hndsight i was in early labour for 4 days but assumed they were braxton hicks as everyone told me that you'll know when its ctx and they'll be regular.....mine were far from regular. It was only when my waters went that i knew as at that point ctx finally regulatd to every 2 mins. Cue dash to hospital where i found i was already 6cm and baby born 50mins after arriving.

slithytove · 27/05/2014 06:32

Lanolin cream for nipples
Arnica for bruising and recovery
Jug for pouring water on stitches during that first wee
Lots of enormous knickers you can just throw away

beccajoh · 27/05/2014 06:57

Birth plans are a crock of shit. If yours happens to go to plan, then lucky you, is all! There are small things you can do to help the process if your birth is progressing very normally but if it's going to go wrong it usually will. Ie. your baby starts to die inside you it's not going to be because you've not got your birth music on. It is good to think about feeding, vit K, pain relief etc. but you just cannot decide in advance how everything is going to go. If you do issue a diktat and it all goes to plan, then you're a rare being.

It's ok to look at your child post-birth and think "WTF have I done?!" especially if you've had a really shit time (see point above). You will love your child in time, but it might take a few days (or weeks/months in my case with DD). Could have gleefully run out of the hospital without her and never returned, had in been able to get out of bed after the c-section.

Resist the urge to punch anyone who tells you your birth went wrong because you weren't relaxed enough.

Having PND does not mean you've failed as a mother. It means you're at the mercy of some chemicals all going wrong in your brain and you've probably had a really bad start to you life as a mummy. Sobbing on your baby when she's peed on the clean towel after her bath is not especially normal. Tell your GP or Health Visitor. They won't think you're a lunatic. They don't put you on some kind of bad-mother watch list - they'll want to keep an eye on you but this to help you get better. They aren't going to call social services to take your baby away from you.

It is nobody's business but your own how you feed your baby. What works for you, works for you and you alone.

Formula is not poison.

VashtaNerada · 27/05/2014 07:01

Worth saying that any really important information will need to be relayed in person to each member of staff. With my second DC, they somehow missed that it was my second (despite being in my notes, birth plan and me referring to "last time"). This meant they assumed I'd have a much slower labour which impacted on my pain relief options.

Also worth saying that the things you worry most about don't turn out to be a big deal! A tear or cut doesn't hurt anywhere near as much as you'd think, and you genuinely don't care what you're wearing/the fact that a complete stranger is looking at you 'down there'!!

Cariad007 · 27/05/2014 09:17

This is verging on TMI but buy some glycerin suppositories. It makes the much-feared first post-birth poo SO much easier!

slithytove · 27/05/2014 16:20

Peppermint tea helps with the wind after a c section

Birth plans aren't a crock of shit as long as you are flexible.

For instance, things like skin to skin, vit k, active third stage, delayed cc - these will be available in most births, even if the drugs or positions you wanted didn't happen. It's also a good reference point for the birthing partner if you have lost the power of speech.

And there's nothing wrong with having your wishes noted even if some aren't practical on the day.

I have HAD to do a birth plan for my vbac as I had to get some of the more contentious issues signed off by my consultant and SOM. Things like water birth, no cannula, no cfm unless telemetry, no VE's etc. That doesn't mean I won't change my mind on the day, but it means I don't have to go through the arguments yet again about informed consent or lack thereof.

slithytove · 27/05/2014 16:21

Ooh - go and get a wax beforehand. Much nicer if you have stitches afterwards, and saves the midwife shaving you in the event of a section.

saranga · 27/05/2014 16:59

It's good to hear about your experiences of post natal depression and when you feel the love for the baby (guess what i'm most concerned about...)

Ficidy · 27/05/2014 22:44

My baby was about 3 months old before I felt like I really, truly loved him. He is 9 months now and my absolute world. I cherish him more than anything else I have ever known.

These feelings alone have shocked me. I never knew I could feel quite so strongly about another human being. In the first few months, I just wanted to run away. So, things do change for the better. If you feel they're not, get help. Life is too short to waste any of your precious time on pnd.

I found the first few weeks with a newborn to be mostly hellish. Some people breeze through it, but they are in the minority. Or liars.

Breastfeeding is hard. Worse than 9 months of pregnancy and 8 hours of labour for me. I wouldn't do it for as long again, if I struggled as much.

Other people do not know your baby better than you. Trust in that.

Sleep deprivation is total torture, but you really do learn to cope. Eventually.

This is the most amazing adventure.