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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Just got a bfp today after a year trying and worried I'm too old

50 replies

MightyQuin1201 · 21/05/2014 21:18

We've been trying for a year, since I was finally able to come off my meds for bipolar disorder... So, I'm VERY happy that I have a bfp (poas in the loos at work this morning), but now I am so worried about EVERYTHING being wrong, especially as I'm 39 & will be 40 when (if?!) the little one comes along... I foresee the next 9 months being full of worry and dread. How do I snap out of this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

livingzuid · 22/05/2014 21:39

Ah that makes sense. I take lithium (Camcolit) and was not on any anti psychotics which I think can be the real problem ones to use in pregnancy. The lamotrigine - I can understand why they wanted you off. I've read that B12 can make a huge difference :)

What a faff having to wait for new referrals. We are moving back to the UK shortly after the baby arrives and I'm dreading getting into the system properly! I do hope you get sorted soon. Having someone who gets what we go through to talk to makes it so much better.

There's no reason why the pregnancy should pose any challenges for you with your bipolar, particularly as you sound well used to managing your condition. When the hormones really kicked in was the fun part - DH and I spent time figuring out whether I was sobbing because it was pregnant or because I was having a bipolar moment! You soon figure out which one is which and they have all been in the main pregnancy hormone related

With a mum hat on, just be sure to get lots of rest, avoid overly stressful situations (really important for us with bipolar and pregnant) and sleep. Sleep is crucial :) if you need to zzzz at 3pm do it. Don't feel bad.

How exciting for you and your DH :) Enjoy your pregnancy!

Irishmammybread · 22/05/2014 23:18

Hi, I'm 46 and currently sat breastfeeding my 4 week old DD!

Original poster

MightyQuin1201 · 23/05/2014 06:32

I think the problem also stems from the majority of my colleagues are younger than me and go on about late pregnancies being scary- one of my colleagues who is 31 fell pregnant last year following a fling with a 24 yr old and told me she felt guilty telling me as she could get pregnant so easily when I was clearly struggling at my age- I hadn't even started trying!!

Living I'm feeling quite good in myself right now- quite jolly in fact, which was one of the main reasons I thought I should do a test as I wasn't my usual premenstrual murderous self! I'm sure the hormones will kick in and be a challenge, but at least I can blame it all on the pregnancy rather than feeling the despair that comes with bipolar episodes...

I do hope I can meet Mums my age locally- everyone has been so lovely on here x

OP posts:

livingzuid · 23/05/2014 07:25

The age thing is a red herring imo. It's not like we hit 35 and our ovaries suddenly shut down that day - that was how I felt and then I realised I was being somewhat ridiculous! Where I am age is not an issue as a lot of women in the Netherlands have babies in their 40s - it's made into such a big deal sometimes at home. The doctors don't bat an eyelid here about age.

Even with all the statistics they chuck at us, the odds are still massively on your side that all will be fine :) If you flip them round there still a very low chance of something going wrong. For example, on my lithium the risk of the baby having a heart defect was 1:2,000. Looking at it another way, it is less than 1%. And the baby is fine. I know how hard it is to not worry (I have an anxiety issue as well), but take heart in that everything is on your side for it to be ok. There's no reason for the bipolar to affect the baby.

I know what you mean about the despair thinking about it, I only had one really bad episode and talked it through with my psychiatrist, and DH and me unpicked it all a bit and it went away again. That was around week 7. Even with the odd wobble, things have been so much better on the whole in pregnancy. If you've got the talking therapy that is fantastic and it's just good to know it's there if you need it if that makes sense. And you can always go to your GP if you need to whilst you're waiting for your referral. I did a lot in the first trimester whilst I was waiting to get into the hospital system and she was great.

It's when you're crying at ads on tv and songs on the radio whilst you're driving you realise you might be somewhat hormonal

livingzuid · 23/05/2014 07:27

And it's great to hear you are feeling jolly :) long may that last! Have you tried the MN local board for your area?

Famousfem · 23/05/2014 07:36

Congratulations! You'll be absolutely fine and might even go for a sibling when the time is right.

Stress does not cause mc, people have babies in the most horrid and stressful circumstances. Please don't worry that stress will cause something to go wrong. Accept that you will be stressed at times and try to be kind to yourself. Try a bit of CBT, maybe your GP can refer y?

Jellybellymummyofsix · 23/05/2014 07:41

I've had baby's in my teens, 20's, 30 's & 40 ' s. Last baby was only 3 months ago.Being pregnant in my 40 's was no different to my teens.

You will be absolutely fine. Your sorting stuff with regards to your MH, which is the most important issue.

Good luck. Wishing you a happy & healthy pregnancy.

Deverethemuzzler · 23/05/2014 07:45

I had one when I was 40 and one when I was 43.
I can honestly say I didn't find it any harder than when I had two in my 20s.

Congratulations and don't read all the scary stuff.

Before I had my last two I had got to the point of believing that even getting pregnant in the first place would take a minor miracle.

And yet here I am with two extra children.

Enjoy

livingzuid · 23/05/2014 08:01

famousfem apologies for sounding pedantic but just to clarify - the issue for pregnant women with bipolar is where stress can lead to or trigger, not stress in itself which is as you say a natural part of life. Too much of it, though, can make us incredibly ill if we don't watch it. The OP is waiting for her referral to a perinatal psychiatric team I believe.

And completely agree with devere don't read the scary stuff! Google isn't a friend in pregnancy!

Famousfem · 23/05/2014 09:26

Living, I'm so sorry, I missed the bit about bipolar . Sorry that was very ignorant of me!

Wishing you all the best OP!

livingzuid · 23/05/2014 09:45

That's ok :) at 38 1/2 weeks and bored spends waaay too much time on mn

jimijack · 23/05/2014 09:48

I was nearly 43 when I had mine.

Took each day as a bonus till 12 weeks then the amino set my mind at rest.

All is fine, and exciting, and happy, and amazing, and squidgy and gorgeous. You will see.

Original poster

MightyQuin1201 · 23/05/2014 14:06

Was it your first jimijack? Has everyone here (who is around or over the 40 mark) gone for the amnio?

OP posts:

OneLittleToddleTerror · 23/05/2014 14:09

Hi, I'm the same age as you and my EDD will be one month before I turn 40. This is my second and I'm classed as a low risk pregnancy. ie I'm under the care of the community midwives. I'm also planning to go to the midwife led unit for the birth. Have you seen there's a thread for 40+ mums to be? Maybe have a look there and see if you fancy joining them?

OneLittleToddleTerror · 23/05/2014 14:13

I wasn't offered the amnio. I had 1 in 2000ish risk for down syndrome and both my previous pregnancy and this one. And I've also passed my 12 and 20 week scans so far. I don't think I've seen you mention what week are you on now? Have you been for any scans yet? What's your risk for DS after the combined blood and nuchal tests? I think only if you are over 1 in 150 will you be offered further testing on the NHS.

Cuppachaplz · 23/05/2014 15:12

Congratulations!
I have several friends who have had babies past 40. Some of these have also had children many years earlier, and they swear that being a little older and more mature makes them better and more patient parents. But all agree, it DOES NOT make them too old!
As an expectant parent or as a parent one never stops worrying though...
If you want a giggle, I was told when I had DS at 26 that I was 'old for a first baby'. DS was 11 last week. I booked in with the midwife yesterday with DC2, and was told that I was 'relatively young for a second child'. I guess the implication here is that an age gap of several decades is normal then... That or that everyone's opinion is different, and quite possibly that none of them mean a damn thing.
Congrats again; wishing you a smooth pregnancy, enjoy it :)

livingzuid · 23/05/2014 15:32

No I had the NT scan and came back at a risk of 1:1,900 so no need to do the amino unless advised as far as I am aware.

Original poster

MightyQuin1201 · 23/05/2014 15:46

Hi OneLittleToddleTerror (that's a VERY long name!), I'm only just pregnant!! about 4.5 weeks...

OP posts:

Ledkr · 23/05/2014 15:51

I was 44 when I had my 5th child, she is currently snuggling with me now, I'm glad I've got the baby bit a bit longer.
I was a bit concerned at first but it was all fine and I never felt old, still don't lots of her friends mums are my age.
Congratulations.

jimijack · 23/05/2014 17:25

Hi, no he was my second. I had my 1st at 33.

I chose to have an amino, wasn't interested in probability, I needed concrete answers.

Had it due to previous multiple miscarriages and questionable egg quality.
All was fine thank goodness.

ChicaMomma · 23/05/2014 17:37

Good lord, i assumed you were going to say 49, not 39!!
i'm 38 and pregnant with my first, dont feel remotely old! hvae had the perfect pregnancy and baby seems perfect too (36 weeks now..)

I'm not sure how you're going to snap out of it, but hopefully you will!!!

ChicaMomma · 23/05/2014 17:38

Good lord, i assumed you were going to say 49, not 39!!
i'm 38 and pregnant with my first, dont feel remotely old! hvae had the perfect pregnancy and baby seems perfect too (36 weeks now..)

I'm not sure how you're going to snap out of it, but hopefully you will!!!

Original poster

MightyQuin1201 · 23/05/2014 18:19

Well it has been lovely having all these encouraging messages from everyone! Thank you so much for helping me to snap out of it!

Basically, I hang out with too many 32 year olds!! I certainly don't feel old and actually think it's insane that I am turning 40 as I am really quite immature... I live in Leigh on Sea and get excited about going on the roller-coasters at Adventure Island for goodness sake (are you allowed on roller-coasters when you're pregnant?).

I saw the doctor today and they did bring up the higher probability of Downs etc, but I will go through that discussion properly at the right time I guess...

A friend of mine also pointed out that if you started your periods late and were a late developer generally (as I was- first period just before 16th birthday) then it means that you generally are 'younger' when it comes to your reproductive organs or something... so I will hold onto that too.

Sorry, now I'm rambling!

OP posts:

OneLittleToddleTerror · 23/05/2014 18:43

If you are worried about downs, there is now a non invasive test called harmony/nifty. From 10 weeks on they can look for fetal DNA from your blood and they can try to match it with a few know trisomy disorders. It's available private in many places and a few NHS trusts in London. I haven't done it but I would have if my results come back 1 in 250 or worse from the NHS. I think it's about £500 and many seems to have gone for it. It's something worth thinking about if you are worried.

eurochick · 23/05/2014 18:48

There's a long thread in Antenatal tests and choices about Harmony/Nifty. We chose to have it as we couldn't quite believe that this might finally work out (4 rounds of IVF, one of which ended in mc). I had the Harmony package at the Fetal Medical Centre in London. It was about 400 quid for a viability scan and blood taking and then a second visit a fortnight later to get the results and have the nuchal scan.

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