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Original poster

Where are your older children while you are in the hospital?

14 replies

hartmel · 20/05/2014 03:17

As above says. What are you doing with your older kids when you go into labour..

I have a 8 month old boy and I'm 17 weeks pregnant with dc2. Our plan is/was to bring him to my parents when it starts. But I noticed lately that he hates being at their house and being around them..
I went there today and for the 4 hours I was there he cried a lot. He is a very happy boy and not shy at all.. Just around them.. Is it maybe because we disagree with a lot of things, for example they highly think about massage and home remedies. And they are always busy working and stressed out because of work. Also their house is always so clean (super crazy clean) even I feel weird being in the house..

I'm so worried now that when I go into labour that he will just cry and cry. When he cries he gets rashes all over his body.
I want my husband with me but have thought already about him staying with DS and I will give birth on my own. But he doesn't want to hear any of that..

I know I still have time but I'm already now thinking about it..
Oh and DH parents moved overseas, he wants them to come when it gets closer to due date but because we had been living with them for 7 month and I had a horrible time with mil (she is a person nice person but not easy to live with also she is dealing with some depression. Long story)

Where are your kids and DH?

So sorry it is so long and if it sounds like a rant.

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SweetPeaPods · 20/05/2014 03:28

I'm 20w pg and ds 11m. Will prob go to mil as she lives closest. My friend would have him if required but she works so depends if it was wkend or not. My mil would prob be upset if we didn't use her. Have you already asked your parents? Could you spend the next few months getting him comfortable there? Maybe some toys to keep there? He's still young so plenty time to adjust.

Original poster
hartmel · 20/05/2014 03:41

Well we talked to them about it but they also assumed it because in laws moved away..

My husband is also not very happy about the idea but I guess we have no choice. I will try going there more often.

Plus they also live on our way to the hospital. They are two miles away, hospital is 4 miles away..

I'm just starting to freak out before I met my husband I never noticed the negative attitude they have but now that I'm married I notice it more and more. And I don't want my son to be around such people as I want him to continue being happy. And see the world as positive as possible

OP posts:
redcaryellowcar · 20/05/2014 04:12

ds stayed at home, my dmum came to look after him. i went into labour around 10.30pm, ds2 was born at 3.30am, we were home by lunchtime the next day so my dmum wasn't there long. could you ask your parents to come to your house, might be less stressful for all involved? how is your ds with your parents not at their house?

hubbahubster · 20/05/2014 09:27

I'm in a slightly different situation as I'm having an ELCS. DC1 will be at the childminder that day, then DM will pick him up and look after him at my house until DH comes home. Agree with the prev poster - could your parents watch your DS in his own home?

Have you thought that perhaps you being with DS at your parents' could be causing him to be unhappy? He may be picking up on the tension you seem to feel... Have you ever left him alone with your folks, was he ok with that? I don't have a fantastic relationship with my own DM, but she dotes on DC1 and she looks after him two days a week when I'm working. Various things she does annoy me (typical nana stuff, letting him eat too much junk and watch too much TV...) but I have to let some stuff go - DC1 loves his nana and I think that's really important. With another DC on the way, now could be a good time to find a balance in your relationship with your own parents?

FoodieMum3 · 20/05/2014 10:13

I think for a baby I would try my best to get someone very familiar to them to come to your own home.

Not sure what we are doing, it really depends on the time of day that it all kicks off. On both my kids I had fairly strong contractions on and off as well as a show for about 8 hours before proper/active labour started so I had mil and my mum on standby. I hope I get the same warning this time Hmm

AlwaysDancing1234 · 20/05/2014 13:11

I second/third those who have said try and get your parents to look after your DS at your own house. Especially if you go in to labour in the middle of the night from my experience it would be less disruptive for your little one if he is in his own house with his own things around him.

elliejjtiny · 20/05/2014 13:32

My DC's will go to my inlaws when I'm in labour but as soon as I'm on the postnatal ward DH will go and get them.

thereisnoeleventeen · 20/05/2014 13:35

We've done a mix, parents have come here and then taken the DC/DC's back to thiers if they have needed to have then overnight.

I have noticed that each time I am pg the older DC's get really unsettled the nearer things get to the DD, they know something is afoot and about to change so stuff they used to cope well with starts upsetting them a bit. They get quite clingy too.

Perhaps having your mum round to yours and then going out for an hour or two would help? After a couple of times he might feel more settled.

Original poster
hartmel · 20/05/2014 14:59

He is ok around my mom but as soon as my dad is there he starts crying. As if he is scared of him.. Apparently when I was a that age I was the same, I started crying as soon as I was around men...

My parents don't come often to our house. Maybe twice a year. I thought it would change once DS was here but they have this old traditional in there head "kids have to come to the parents house and not the other way around"

I will invite them to our house and see how he reacts then!

Thanks everyone!

OP posts:
slightlyinsane · 20/05/2014 16:08

Ivehad 2 that have thrown wobblers when we went to my parents. The best thing I found was to increase visits and vary lengths of visit, so a quick pop in for a brew one time to an afternoon the next time. Not sure what your or your parents thoughts are but how about a couple of trips out to somewhere fun, like the park or feeding ducks, neutral territory so to speak. Your lo is still young and you have a fair few wks yet to change things. It's a difficult situation to be in but can be overcome.

EllaBella220 · 20/05/2014 17:08

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ruthsmumkath · 20/05/2014 19:17

My kids are 10,7 and 3. Dh is looking after 3 & 7 year olds and 10 year old is being my birth partner.

I would have people coming to my house - in your situation- less disruptive all round IMO!
Kath

EllaBella220 · 20/05/2014 20:23

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 20/05/2014 22:21

ruthsmumkath and EllaBella I was with my mum when she gave birth to my brother (planned home birth) and I was only 10 years old. I agree not all 10 year olds would be able to cope with it but you know your child best. The midwives who attended apparently couldn't believe how young I was and said I was calmer and better informed than many adults! My sister for example was the opposite to me and too busy doing an activity book to be bothered about the birth! I still remember it vividly and It was the most amazing feeling being there at the birth of my sibling and we became very close right from the start. However I wasn't there as the only birth partner. I'm sure you've carefully thought it all through ruthsmum so sorry if it's a silly question but have you arranged a close friend or relative to also be there as backup?

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