Symptoms - Looking for a bit of reassurance...

[DaphneMoon1]

Hi

I'm expecting our first baby. My last period was 5 April which makes me six weeks as far as I understand things I have my first appointment with the midwife on Tuesday, which seems to be taking its time in coming round!! We've been on holiday abroad over the past two weeks and found out while we were away.

Anyway in the meantime I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance and a bit of a sounding board. My husband does not want us to tell anyone about the baby yet, until after Tuesdays appointment, when we will tell our parents. I therefore have had no one who has experience of pregnancy to discuss things with and so I've been stressing myself out by Googling symptoms (or lack of) and now I'm not sure whether I'm coming or going! I'm a natural worrier and I so desperately want things to work out. I know I'll feel better when I can talk to my mum and mother in law about things.

Basically my boobs have been sore and swollen but up until the end of last week, this was literally the only symptom I've had. I had some cramping and lower back pain, but no bleeding at all (which is good). I have over the last few days been feeling pretty nauseous on and off, and I have had some dry retching but I haven't been sick at all. The pain in my boobs is now coming and going (it disappeared last night, came back with a vengeance this morning and has subsided again now). I'm quite tired but not outrageously so, and I haven't had to go to the bathroom any more frequently etc. no food aversions, cravings etc. I guess on the whole I just don't feel massively different and so I'm struggling to believe it's all really happening.

My underlying fear is a "missed miscarriage" I guess. Is it normal for symptoms to come and go like this? If the symptoms disappear, is it likely that this is caused by a missed miscarriage?

I know I sound like a crazy person but I'm really worried and constantly thinking about it. It's hard with no one to talk to just now...

Thanks!

Pretty sure that with a missed miscarriage your symptoms continue to increase since your body doesn't realise that the baby has died. Which is why you don't realise that there's a problem until you have a scan.

Symptoms come and go, all the time. As your body gets used to hormones they level off, then the hormones increase again and you get more. Or you might just be someone who doesn't get a whole bunch of symptoms (although it sounds like you have quite a lot!!!). You can't really tell how a pregnancy is going based on symptoms simply because they change all the time. You might feel fantastic one day and sick as a dog the next.

I get the worry though: how about booking in for a private scan at around 8 week? Assuming all is well then, your risk is only a tiny bit higher than at the 12wk scan, so you'll be able to relax a lot more.

Thank you CB that makes me feel a little better. How common are missed miscarriages anyway - any idea? It isn't something I had heard of until I started frantically googling!!

I like the idea of a private scan - I'll look into that.

They are really quite rare. If you think 15% of pregnancies are lost on average, only a handful of them are 'missed' - so your looking at less than a 5% chance.
If you're not bleeding and feel OK, symptoms strong or not (some women get only a few), most likely you're OK.

Congratulations Daphne!

Now stop googling! You are doing yourself more harm than good with the needless worry the googling is causing.

Personally, I don't see any reason to wait until a midwife appointment to tell your Mum. The midwife will not confirm anything in any way. That first appointment is just a history-taking exercise, plus you can ask questions. But the midwife will no more confirm the pregnancy that you already have. You won't get a pregnancy test for example, or hear a heartbeat, or anything else like that.

I can see reason not to tell people until after your first scan (12 weeks) since at that point the pregnancy is confirmed and you see a heartbeat and see the baby inside you. So if you/your partner is inclined to wait then the scan is more relevant than the midwife appointment IMO.

If you are not so inclined to wait until 12 weeks, then why not tell close relatives now? You would get more support that way and have people to talk to and get excited for you.

I have to disagree that MMC is rare, but successful pregnancies happen all the time so there's no point stressing about whether or not MC will happen to you. I still had symptoms with my MMC.

FWIW I am now 38 weeks pg with DC2 and have had no symptoms at all other than a huge bump and now an active baby! I had no sore boobs, no sickness or nausea, no food aversions... So lots of symptoms does not equal a healthy pg.

MMC are about 1-2% of pregnancies. That's pretty rare, surely?

Hi Daphne - something to think about is that if in the worst possible scenario something did go wrong (no reason to think that in your case, symptoms come and go all the time) would you want your mum and mum in law to know and support? If so there is no real reason to wait to tell them and they can be a great help in getting though the waiting game and some RL support.

FWIW we told both sets of parents after the 8wk scan both times. The decrease in risk between 8 and 12wks seemed so minimal it seemed silly waiting.

We didn't tell them before (and won't be doing so this time either) simply because if anything did go wrong I wouldn't want (what I would perceive to be) pressure to conceive again. I would want to deal with any miscarriage and ttc again in my own time, without feeling that they were all waiting for another announcement. Very personal thing though.

Pregnancy symptoms are at best uncomfortable, and at worst, down right debilitating. Trust me, you really don't want to be dry retching and having sore boobs and back ache for nine months! Try to think of the days when you don't have symptoms as a bonus.

But as other posters have said, they do come and go. It's normal. And congratulations!